Delayed Reaction: Final Analysis

What I Guessed It Was About: That's another one of those generic titles. Uhhh, Richard Gere is a lawyer of some sort, or an expect witness in a trial. Some dame makes things complicated. Other stuff happens.

How I Came Into It: By now, it's been firmly established that I have trouble with courtroom movies from this era (or perhaps courtroom dramas in generally, but that much hasn't been as explored). Still, I wasn't looking to dislike this.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) Richard Gere is a great lead for a movie like this. It's got vintage Kim Basinger and Uma Thurman before I would've known who she was. Eric Roberts is delightfully sleazy. This is a cast full of people who get what roles they need to play.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: There's two things I can't shake about this. First, Kim Basinger is literally pretending to have the same issue with alcohol that she had in Blind Date. Is that a weird coincidence or a wink at an earlier role? Either way, that's a bizarre crutch for people writing her roles. Second, not only is this a "twist" that I've discussed before as being one that's been better done since this on numerous cop procedurals, it is virtually the same twist as another Richard Gere lawyer movie. Granted, this one came first, but damn. When people talk about Hollywood running out of ideas, something like this confirms the validity of that complaint.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: House on Haunted Hill

What I Guessed It Was About: A millionaire invites a bunch of people to his haunted mansion, promising money if they make it through the night...not many of them do.

How I Came Into It: I fell asleep early into watching the original* a couple years ago, so I didn't go into this with any immediate comparisons to the original. Also, there is no way I'm not confusing this with The Haunting starting now.

*In my defense, it was in the middle of a long horror movie marathon including The Ring, The Blair Witch Project, The Shining, I think Scream, and maybe a couple others.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) Owen Wilson was an interesting choice This is a loopy movie. That's really the only angle I can attack this from. It's like if Clue tried to be an actual horror movie. It turns out this is from the same company that made the Thirteen Ghosts remake, which is a movie I've seen several times for some reason. It makes sense, because this and Thirteen Ghosts feel very similar. This is trying to be a horror movie without any scares and they got Oscar winner Geoffrey Rush to lead it.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: Whatever, the movie isn't actually scary at all and the story is convoluted. I don't care. I want to spend this time on one question: Why cast Ali Larter AND Bridgette Wilson? They are too similar. I get that Hollywood loves pretty people. I do too. But come on. Aren't they too much the same? Think of a movie with Ali Larter in it. Now think of Bridgette Wilson playing that part instead. See no difference. Ali Larter could teaching Billy Madison and Bridgette Wilson is wearing Whip Cream lingerie.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Hotel for Dogs

What I Guessed It Was About: You see, there's this hotel...and it's for dogs. Get it? Because hotels should be for people, not dogs. You see? You'll have to watch the movie to understand. It's pretty subtle.

How I Came Into It: Having started Scream Queens, I was in an Emma Roberts mood and this was what was available from my big list. Beggars can't be choosers.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) Here's the things that a reasonably person sees this movie for:
-Dogs doing a lot of tricks.
-The nifty contraptions they invent for the hotel.
-To be reminded that Lisa Kudrow can milk a laugh out of almost anything.
-To realize that Emma Roberts has been around for a while now.
-To wonder what ever happened to Kayla Pratt.
-Did I mention dogs doing tricks?

Why I Wish I Hadn't: This is a simplistic children's movie in every way. The characters aren't very complex. The story doesn't go anywhere you don't see coming in the first 10 minutes. All the money went into the props and training the pets (which is as good a way to spend the budget as anything). It's as forgettable as movies get, but for the "born in 2002" crowd, I could see how this could be regarded like Harriet the Spy is by me.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

January Movie Preview

The New Year is exciting for a lot of reasons. Resolutions. Football playoffs and bowl games. TV shows returning from hiatus. It's not as exciting at the movie theater though. There's not as many down periods in the calendar as there used to be. Valentine's Day has become a big release weekend in February. The Summer box office season has pushed its way into April. And the past two years have set records for the generally fallow August and September stretch. January is just about the last holdout. It's still pretty dull. It's for all those Christmas releases to milk long runs and Oscar hopefuls to expand to more cities. In terms of new movies, the studios don't try too hard. 2016 looks to be no different. It has the usual assortment of horror movie counter-programming, failed studio burn-offs, and undercooked comedies. There's always room for surprises, and hopefully this January has a few.

2015

Jan | Feb | Mar | Apr | May | June | Jul | Aug | Sept | Oct | Nov | Dec 

2014

Jan | Feb | Mar | Apr | May | Jun | Jul | Aug | Sep | Oct | Nov | Dec

2013

Mar |  Apr | May | Jun | Jul | Aug | Sep | Oct | Nov | Dec

1/8

The Forest

Working For It: Is this Natalie Dormer's first leading role? It's hard to believe it's taken her this long. She's great on Game of Thrones and I've liked her since The Tudors. A horror movie about the Japanese suicide forest is a little out of her known range, but that doesn't mean she can't do it.
Working Against It: First time feature director. Journeyman writers. The odds are strong that this will be up to Dormer to make or break. "Suicide forest" sounds like an interesting pitch, but nothing in the trailers has me hooked. This looks like Mama level scares, which is fine.
Interest Level: Happy to wait

The Masked Saint

Working For It: This is based on a true story about a pastor, who used to be a wrestler, going back into the ring or maybe becoming a vigilante. I'm really not sure. It certainly sounds like Nacho Libre. I don't know if that's the comparison they were going for.
Working Against It: The most recognizable actor in it is "Rowdy" Roddy Piper (RIP). The only credits I recognized for the director is Trailer Park Boys. The screenwriter isn't at all established. I can't tell if this is a spiritual movie or if it is making fun of spirituality (Similar to how I can't tell if The FP is taking itself seriously or not). There are simply too many wild cards here.
Interest Level: I won't see it, but I will inquire about it.

Anesthesia [Limited]

Working For It: This is one of those ensemble pieces where all the characters' lives intersect, hopefully culminating in some big revelation about life (Think Grand Canyon). It's got a very large cast, with familiar names like Kristen Stewart, Glen Close, Michael Kenneth Williams, and Sam Waterson.
Working Against It: Honestly, I was exhausted by the self-importance of it in trailer form. An entire movie of that sounds unbearable. I'm only familiar with writer/director Tim Blake Nelson as an actor (O Brother, Where Art Thou?), so he's earned no trust in his abilities from me either.
Interest Level: Withering

1/15

13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi

Working For It: This looks like the mission that's on trial in The Rules of Engagement if it was directed by Michael Bay. I don't necessarily mean that as a bad thing. It's a military movie about US soldiers trying to rescue an ambassador during some sort of riot. John Krasinski leads a group of "familiar white guys from TV" All Stars like Pablo Schreiber, David Denman, and Toby Stephens as the troops. It's a Michael Bay movie, so I'm sure things explode. It could be fun.
Working Against It: Or it could take itself too seriously. It's hard to say. I don't know if this January release was an attempt to bury it (Michael Bay movies don't tend to show up in the Winter) or if it's an attempt to capitalize of the momentum of American Sniper and Lone Survivor.
Interest Level:So-so

Norm of the North

Working For It: An animated movie about a polar bear kickin' it in New York City. That's about all you need to know. It's got a likable voice cast including Heather Graham, Bill Nighy, and James Corden.
Working Against It: Rob Schneider is the voice of the eponymous Norm, which is a bit more divisive. I'm not sure how this isn't Madagascar, but I'm told that it is. I'm also not sure who Splash Entertainment is.
Interest Level: Avoiding

Ride Along 2

Working For It: Ride Along was enjoyable enough. This is the same thing but moved to Miami, which also makes it oddly similar to 22 Jump Street. Kevin Hart and Ice Cube are back, and they've rounded out the cast with Olivia Munn, Ken Jeong, T.I., Tyrese Gibson, and Benjamin Bratt.
Working Against It: I didn't dislike Ride Along, but I was unimpressed by it. Nothing about this looks like it will improve on the formula. It's going to be a lot of Kevin Hart playing big, which appeals to some more than others.
Interest Level: Moderate

The Benefactor [Limited]

Working For It: Richard Gere becomes obsessed with newly-weds Dakota Fanning and Theo James due to his role in the death of Fanning's family...I think. It's a thriller, so it will all be about figuring out what Richard Gere's deal is.
Working Against It: I really should've come out of seeing that trailer more intrigued. When my first thought is "who cares?" that's a bad sign. I'm happy letting this one slip past me for now.
Interest Level: Nah

1/22

The 5th Wave

Working For It: It's not fair. I want out of these young adult dystopias but they keep casting them to keep my attention. First Divergent gets Shailene Woodley and now The 5th Wave has Chloe Grace Moretz. This one is about aliens that are destroying the Earth through several waves of attacks. It looks like plenty of money went into making it look good.
Working Against It: I really am getting tired of this subgenre. If I see this, it's a testament to how much of a draw Chloe is for me. I don't know if she'll be enough.
Interest Level:Frustrated and intrigued

The Boy

Working For It: Similar to Natalie Dormer in  The Forest, I don't know if I've seen Lauren Cohan in a lead role before, but I'm interested in seeing how she does. This isn't a big leap from The Walking Dead. It's a horror movie about a doll with Gremlin-like rules that is a living boy when no one is looking. It looks like it's full of jump scares and maybe an interesting mythology.
Working Against It: I much prefer horror movies that linger with me rather than ones that scare me in the moment. This looks more like the latter than the former.
Interest Level: Prove me wrong

Dirty Grandpa

Working For It: Recently widowed grandfather (Robert De Niro) tricks his grandson (Zach Efron) into a weekend of debauchery in Florida during spring break. I'm more excited by the supporting cast that includes Aubrey Plaza, Adam Pally, Julianne Hough, and more familiar names in small parts than you can shake a stick at.
Working Against It: Everything about this worries me. First time writer (although his next credit is Bad Santa 2, so this looks like it's his wheelhouse). The director is primarily known for Sacha Baron Cohen shows/movies (and I Give it a Year which I didn't hate). Most of all though, what is this movie doing being released in January? Even Sex Drive got an October release. De Niro and Efron are too big of names to go here unless the studio knows it's a problem.
Interest Level:Highest in a weak month

Mojave [Limited]

Working For It: In this movie, Oscar Isaac stalks Garrett Hedlund after they meet in the desert. Mark Wahlberg, Walton Goggins, and Matt (Badger from Breaking Bad) are in there too, but the trailer isn't all that concerned with them. Writer/Director William Monahan has some good screenplay credits to his name (The Departed, Kingdom of Heaven).
Working Against It: I'm not sure what Monahan looks like as a director. And, this has the look of one of those movies where a supporting performance (Isaac) renders the lead performance (Hedlund) distracting.
Interest Level:Low but curious

1/29

Fifty Shades of Black

Working For It: Statistically, it's gotta be better than Fifty Shades of Grey. Right?
Working Against It: This takes one of my least favorite movies of 2015, spoofs it in the style of one of my least favorite franchises of all time (Scary Movie), and removes the nudity and soundtrack that made the movie appealing in the first place.
Interest Level: Good god, no!

The Finest Hours

Working For It: Think "1952 The Perfect Storm". Chris Pine, Eric Bana, Ben Foster, Casey Affleck, and a bunch of other square jaw sailors are involved in a daring Coast Guard rescue. Holliday Grainger uses gumption to make sure her man comes back home.
Working Against It: This is a strange time for Disney to be releasing this movie. It looks like a winter dump like Chris Pine's Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit two years ago. Then again, this may just be the odd man out positioning around Disney's Star Wars behemoth. I don't know, but the movie doesn't look all that bad.
Interest Level:Could be higher

Jane Got a Gun

Working For It: Natalie Portman vs. Ewan McGreggor in an old west shootout. C'mon. And it's from the director of Warrior! Oh my, this just got real.
Working Against It: I'll admit, the trailer didn't suck me in as well as I'd hope. Then again, neither did Warrior's and I loved that movie.
Interest Level: Very suspicious

Kung Fu Panda 3

Working For It: Is it fair to say this is Dreamworks' most high profile cast? Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Seth Rogen, and Dustin Hoffman to name a few. This is a malleable franchise that can keep going as long as Dreakworks wants.
Working Against It: Oof, how the mighty have fallen. Seemingly out of nowhere, Kung Fu Panda 2 stumbled out the gate and failed to come anywhere close to matching the first movie in the box office. I'm still not sure how that happened, but that's how #3 ends up in January, hoping for The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water money.
Interest Level:Greatly diminished

Delayed Reaction: Tin Men

What I Guessed It Was About: Uhhhhhhhhhh...that's a great question. I assume with Richard Dreyfuss and Danny DeVito as leads, this is going to be about two people in a feud. That's what they each do well. And this is the director of Envy, after all.

How I Came Into It: Barry Levinson is one of those names that I know but have to think for a minute about why. He followed this up with Good Morning, Vietnam and Rain Main, so this was from an exciting time for his movies.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) I liked how ugly Dreyfuss and DeVito are in this. Neither are villains although they are both very unsavory. Despite being enemies the whole time, it ends with them together in a car, coming up with new ideas for a business. They are chums who don't like each other. I tend to like those kinds of relationships.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: Was this supposed to be funny? I understand that it's light-natured. Was I supposed to be laughing anywhere? That's the hard thing about comedy. It almost never ages well. When this came out though, was it funny at a Knocked Up level or a 27 Dresses level?

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: New Jack City

What I Guessed It Was About: Blade is a drug kingpin. He is taken down by Detective Tutuola. And Chris Rock is a big time drug addict.

How I Came Into It: I really didn't know what to expect. This kind of looked like if Spike Lee followed up Do the Right Thing with a Scarface remake...Actually, I'm still kind of standing by that.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) I should start by saying that this is the best Wesley Snipes role I've seen in a while. It uses what's cool about him without going too far, which bothered me in things like Passenger 57 and even Blade. At this point, getting me to like Snipes in a movie is quite an accomplishment. It's fun to see Ice T because it makes his SVU role look like an inevitability rather than an evolution. I can't think of another Chris Rock performance quite like this. My favorite thing about Judd Nelson here is watching him work way too hard the entire time to not look out of place.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: This plays like a zeitgeisty movie. I had a hard time connecting with it and I don't think 1991 Me would have the same trouble (beyond being 4 years old and missing nap time to finish the movie). In general, the movie aims for a very heightened realism that I didn't prefer.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Police Academy

What I Guessed It Was About: In some city, the requirements to be a cop are lowered to the point that virtually anyone can be a cop.

How I Came Into It: There's a sequel to this called Assignment Miami Beach. That's the kind of series this is. How can I not be excited to see what started it all?

Why I Saw It: This is everything you think of when someone talks about 80s raunchy comedies. Steve Guttenberg is The Man and I'm always happy to see a young Kim Cattrall show up. Michael Winslow is fun with all his sounds.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I'm not the right generation for this movie to be beloved. This feels like an attempt to recapture what Porky's did which itself was an attempt to recapture what Animal House did. It's a malleable premise, which I appreciate, but nothing interesting is done with it. A lot of things that some people will call "irreverent", I call "telling lazy jokes".

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Movie Reaction: The Hateful Eight

Formula: Reservoir Dogs * Django Unchained

Cast: The Eight, I believe, are Samuel L. Jackson, Kurt Russell, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Walton Goggons, Demian Bechir, Tim Roth*, Michael Madsen, and Bruce Dern, although James Parks is there too most of the time, making it actually nine. A couple other familiar faces show up but I'll let the opening credits spoil that surprise.

*I've spent the whole time leading up to this movie assuming that Tim Roth is Christoph Waltz. I know it's wrong now, but I still stand by it.

Plot: John "the Hang Man" Ruth (Russell) is a bounty hunter transporting known killer, Daisy Domergue (Leigh), to the town of Red Rock to be hanged. He meets another bounty hunter (Jackson) and new sheriff of Red Rock (Goggins) on the way to a haberdashery, where a blizzard traps them with four other men for a couple days. As every last trailer says, one of these me is not who he says he is.Who survives?

Thoughts:
It's not saying much, but this is my favorite Quinten Tarantino movie since Reservoir Dogs. This shouldn't be at all surprising because this is incredibly similar to Reservoir Dogs in structure. I like that I can always tell when a movie is a Tarantino movie. All his favorite things are there. The cast is full of regular collaborators. The visual style is distinctive. He loves the violence as well as getting as many of his actors to say the n-word as possible. The story is explicitly divided into chapters, which is a very Tarantino move. What I'm trying to say is that if you've liked his other seven movies, no worries here.

This is not a short movie. It's nearly three hours. While I don't think it would take much to cut out 30 minutes of it, the pacing is still great. It didn't feel like it was that long. He lets scenes breathe, which is natural for the type of movie it is. The way events unfold has that same anarchy that Tarantino is famous for. No one is safe. That's all I have to say about that.

No surprise, all the actors are having a blast. The best way I can describe it is it's like going a murder mystery party, but all the characters are played by professional actors. First among equals though is Jennifer Jason Leigh who doubles down on how rotten and disgusting a person she can be.

I'm disappointed that I didn't get a chance to see the 70mm cut of this. Even as a digital projection though, this is a beautiful movie. The set is rich an detailed. It didn't feel like a set. It felt like they found an actual 1860s haberdashery and filmed there.

Elephant in the Room: C'mon. You never like Tarantino movies. What's the catch? Look, I don't go out to dislike his movies, and I wouldn't say I dislike most of them. Only Kill Bill Vol. 2 I couldn't finish. It's more that I don't understand the esteem he's held in. Both Django and Inglourious Basterds overstayed their welcomes. The Hateful Eight doesn't. It was just entertaining.

To Sum Things Up:
A strong collection of good performances, by highly credentialed actors, working off a great script, The Hateful Eight is all the things that I like about Tarantino with very little of the things that annoy me about him (like him adding himself as a character).

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb

What I Guessed It Was About: The same thing as the first two movies except in England.

How I Came Into It: This is yet another example of a franchise running out of ideas and moving to Europe for the third movie. I believe I predicted the Louvre would be next, so I am a little disappointed to be wrong about that.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) The whole movie was forgettable, but I fully enjoyed when Lancelot interrupted Hugh Jackman and Alice Eve's play. If nothing else, it had Hugh Jackman using his Wolverine stance, miming the claws, complemented by Alice Eve's commentary on it. It was so stupid, yet I giggled through the whole thing. Sometimes I'm an easy audience.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: This is a thoroughly exhausted franchise. The second movie far underperformed compared to the first, then this comes out a full five years after that. It reminded me a lot of the third Mummy movie and how unnecessary that was. I guess there was not a precipitous drop from the previous movie. It just seemed like everyone was showing up to get a paycheck, including the director, writer, producers, and entire crew.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

2015 - What Else I Watched

It's December again. That means it's time to look back on the year. By far, 2015 was the busiest year of TV (or whatever we call it now) ever. So many shows. So many channels. So many ways to watch it. So much that I can't ever cover it all in a single list.

Yes, at some point, I'm watching shows because I watch them. Maybe they're shows having a random down year or have the pieces to be great but are still putting it all together. Maybe it's a rating behemoth that I watch to stay current with the rest of the world or something with too many good actors for me to accept that the show's not any good. Finally, after 40 shows I swear by, these are all the shows I simply watch but don't hate.

Top 10
Next Top 10 (11-20)
The “20's Not Enough” 10 (21-30)
The “Somehow Not in my top 30” 10. (31-40)
Everything Else
Worst 10
Wish I Watched

Last Year

The Walking Dead (Seasons 5 & 6)

The end of last season was fine. The beginning of season 6 has been bad. I have no way to sugarcoat it. The Glenn debacle is only part of it. Thankfully, this is a resilient show that generally follows rough patches with strong ones. Here's to hoping.

The Simpsons (Season 27)

I readded The Simpsons to my DVR for the first time in years this fall. In fact, the last time I watched it regularly precedes DVR. Regardless, I've enjoyed following it again. I have a lot of catching up to do from the interim.

Bob's Burgers (Season 6)

Thanks to Brooklyn Nine Nine, then The Last Man on Earth, I've gone ahead and added a lot of shows from Fox Sunday this fall. I like this show.

Battlebots (Season 1)

It's robots destroying other robots! I'll happily watch that for six weeks in the summer.

American Ninja Warrior (Season 7)

It's a simple formula: People do obstacle courses. That's it. It's not perfect TV, but it sure is fun for the Summer.

New Girl (Season 4)

No episodes this fall, so we're looking at a handful of episodes in the winter and spring. Farewell, Coach. You will be missed.

The Muppets (Season 1)

This is not a ready-made show. Even though the Muppets are known characters, there's some growing pains learning how to make this work as a primetime sitcom.

Modern Family (Seasons 6 & 7)

This show is far more interested in the Haley/Andy relationship than I am. At least Cam and Mitchell don't seem like a couple who shouldn't be together anymore.

Archer (Season 6)

That finale was in March! In general, this is a show I watch, not one that I love. Nine months to forget about it as well is enough for it to fall into obscurity.

@ Midnight

I like Chris Hardwick. The show is made by the guests though. There's few shows I'm happier to binge on a drunk weekend night before going to bed.

House of Cards (Season 3)

I'm bothered by how this season played out. Season 1 was how Frank Underwood games the system to become Vice President. Season 2 was how Frank Underwood games the system to become President. Season 3...was how Frank Underwood somehow isn't prepared for this job and falls apart...That's not interesting. Give me a worthy opponent or show me Frank being as crafty as ever and still unable to succeed. This wasn't nearly as interesting. Robin Wright was good again though.

Bloodline (Season 1)

I wanted to get into this show a lot more than I did get into it. Kyle Chandler, Ben Mendelson, Linda Cardellini, Sissy Spacek. So many great performances. It played too much like Damages and I spent too much time examining the seams..

Scorpion (Seasons 1 & 2)

I mean, it's fine. The characters are likable enough. The stories are rubbish, but they own it. One thing that I find interesting is how the conflict of the episode is normally taken care of by the 45 minute mark. There's a lot of downtime at the end.

Arrow (Seasons 3 & 4)

That's a pretty cast. And, it's fun that he's the Green Arrow finally.

Agents of SHIELD (Seasons 2 & 3)

The sure are doubling down on the Inhuman stuff.

Tosh.0

I really could drop this at any moment, but I probably won't because it's easy to watch.

A to Z (Season 1)

It aired only 4 episodes in 2015. They weren't great. They weren't bad either.  Cristin Milioti and Ben Feldman were delightful. I wish them the best.

Lip Sync Battles (Season 1)

It's a nice distraction. I find Chrissy Tiegen pretty useless and LL Cool J is only there to keep the trains running on time. This was completely dependent on the competitors.