Movie Reaction: Bully

Formula: ABC Family original movie - The stuff you make fun of in an ABC Family original movie.

Victoria Justice approves. Do you?

Cast: Can you really call it a cast? The kids and parents they chose to follow were a good mix. Young kids, older kids. Parent, children, administrators. Kids who fought back, kids in the thick of it, kids that gave up There is a fine and effective variety.

Story: Since it's not really a "plot", story will do. This had a very good balance.There were definitely a lot of tough moments. Some of the things the people deal with are heavy, but Bully never gets bogged down in them. It doesn't milk things for effect and it doesn't artificially create any villains, more or less settling on apathy as the biggest problem.

Footage: The thing that most impressed me with this documentary is the footage they got. I don't know if the film crew were so ubiquitous that people forgot about them, but some of the stuff they got with the main kid, Alex, including the waivers they had to get from parents, was strikingly candid. Nothing felt staged which is the biggest risk for a documentary. They guy did play with the focus a little much, but nitpicking.

Elephant in the Room: Is it really that important to see this? There are some people for which this will be an eye opener, sure. I'm not convinced that kids will pick up on the nuance of some of what it has to say, so I think the importance for kids to see it will be overstated by a lot of people. That said, it is the most honest depiction of bullying and the difficulties faced stopping it. It will have far more of an effect on victims of bullying to show they aren't alone than it will on the bullys themselves

To Sum Things Up:
No need to see it in theaters. At least, nothing that I see that is added to by the theater experience. Anyone that is worries it will be too much for a child to watch though needs to loosen up. Nothing here that a kid can't handle. The ratings controversy over this is bullshit and another reason why the MPAA is awful.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

My Issues with Motion Sensors

I hate when motion sensors don't pick up on me. It's so dehumanizing. What gives them the right? Fucking technology. I can deal with people not noticing me. That could be a prank, but machines?

It's especially bad when the person before you has no issue as the sink, but it takes 10-15 seconds for it to notice me. I always have that brief moment of fear that I'm a ghost. Even worse, I could be a ghost and have a backwards sixth sense thing going on. Maybe I died four years ago when I was choking on that ice cube. Were my last words really "Heroes keeps getting better and better. I can't wait to see what they come up with after the writers guild strike is over."

But then, I have a brief moment of joy where I consider that I don't have to come to work if I'm dead. I can eat pizza everyday and stare at all the cleavage I want without worry. But then, the motion sensor picks up on me. I can clean my hands and go back to my same exact daily grind.

And then there's playing a game of chicken with the automatic doors at a store. Happens most often at liquor stores for me. I keep on walking at my normal pace, convinced the door will open, but the old, delayed sensor always wins. And it's for the best when you think about it. Because, to win the game of chicken, you have to run into that door. And, I am reasonably sure they won't let me get booze if I'm running into the door going in.

Who am I kidding? Of course they will.

Best MPAA Ratings of 2007

For all the time I spend on IMDB, I come across a lot of MPAA ratings, some of which are quite funny, or oddly descriptive, or distinctly abstract, or using a word I find funny, or anything in between.
Here are my favorite one's from 2007.

Note: BoxOfficeMojo lists 631 movies in 2007. I'm not checking all of them. I'm sure I missed some. Feel free to let me know (because I know this is inspiring so many of you to start hunting for them^).

Shrek the Third - Rated PG for some crude humor, suggestive content and swashbuckling action*

The Simpsons Movie - Rated PG-13 for irreverent humor throughout

Live Free or Die Hard - Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, language and a brief sexual situation

Enchanted - Rated PG for some scary images and mild innuendo

Bee Movie - Rated PG for mild suggestive humor, and a brief depiction of smoking

Superbad - Rated R for pervasive crude and sexual content, strong language, drinking, some drug use and a fantasy/comic violent image - all involving teens**

Hairspray - Rated PG for language, some suggestive content and momentary teen smoking

Stardust - Rated PG-13 for some fantasy violence and risque humor

Hostel: Part II - Rated R for sadistic scenes of torture and bloody violence, terror, nudity, sexual content, language and some drug content

Dragon Wars - Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and creature action

* Oddly, no Pirates movie ever got this rating.
** This may be my all time favorite rating.

Past Years:
Best of 2011

Best of 2010
Best of 2009
Best of 2008

Movie Reaction: The Cabin in the Woods

(I need to begin by mentioning that since you don't need depth for a reaction, I will be saying nothing here that you couldn't learn from a TV spot or a glance at the IMDB page.)

Formula: Evil Dead + self-awareness

Cast: Everyone here plays their part pretty perfectly. Truth be told, I haven't seen anything most of the cast has been in before, so I can't compare their performance to anything else they've done. Honestly, think of the cast of the Evil Dead without the campiness...unintended campiness, perhaps.

Plot: I'm not even going to attempt this. It balances genres with typical Whedon precision. If there was any justice in the world, the screenplay would be nominated for some awards, and this is coming from someone who is not a Joss Whedon fanboys.

Elephant in the Room: If anything in the movie is spoiled for you, is it still worth seeing? Simply put, yes. This isn't "The Sixth Sense". It is not about the twist, or twists, or odd developmental directions. Personally, I think there's enough nuance to it that it's not really possible to ruin it in a few sentences.

To Sum Things Up:
See it. This has been the best movie I've seen since the awards season ended and it's more accessible than it looks.

Verdict (?): Strongly Recommend

Ranting about Being on the Elevator

Since selling my soul and going Corporate (still nobler than being destitute). I've gotten a glimpse into a fascinating world: Elevators. Before starting my job, my experience with the elevator was a novelty: at a hotel on vacation or maybe when I had a class in that tall building on campus or maybe a service elevator if I wanted to mooch off a handicapped friend. But, after having daily interaction in this world, I've made some observations.

First, I love the personality types. Sure, most people are like me: quiet, polite, and giving a half-hearted smile if you accidentally make eye contact. Some people take that too far though. You've seen that guy who looks like he wants to kill everyone on the elevator*. I imagine he was alone on the elevator when he got on. He just wants to go home and play Call of Duty (I work in an IT building), then 3 floors from the bottom, a bunch of chatterboxes get on too lazy to go down the fucking stairs...Ok, some days I'm that guy.

At the other end of the spectrum is that person who seems determined to make a friend by the time she gets off the elevator. I hate that woman. I don't do small talk with my friends, what makes you think I want to talk about "traffic today" with you. "Oh, she doesn't know any better" you say. That's right. She doesn't know, so don't talk to me like she does. At the very least save it for someone on your floor if they are on there.

Another person I love (and by love, I mean hate) is the floor general. You know the guy. While everyone else goes to the back to let people in, he jettisons to the button board and starts taking requests like a fucking DJ. The trick is, the first time I have to repeat myself to have the floor chosen he should lose that job. It's bad enough traffic sucked getting there, I'm running late, and this friendly lady from my floor keeps talking to me about the wreck she heard about on the traffic report. I don't want to miss my floor because some guy in middle management with control issues won't let anyone else get the thrill of seeing the button light up when they press it. Besides, that thing's going to the top floor. I don't know what's on the top floor. It's like the end of the subway or stopping on the 13th floor. I am not ready to see that.

You want to fuck with people on the elevator? When someone gets off, don't reshift where you are standing. Watch as everyone else tries to rebalance where they are standing. The best part is, they are trying to beat the clock because the second those doors close it is like playing freeze tag. But really, don't do that. I can't stand an unbalanced elevator and I hate standing near people enough already.

Here's the thing. I'm only on the elevator for maybe a minute at most, but it is either the last minute before I have to go and work for the day or the first minute I have not working. Both of these count as "me time", so save your "clever" quip, let me listen to my iPod in peace, and for fuck's sake, don't get in the elevator to go down one floor.

TV Show Reaction: Don't Trust the Bitch in Apartment 23

Ok. This is me admitting that this blog that started off with lofty expectations (seriously, you don't call something Eclectic Boredom without a certain amount of pretentiousness) is really just "What did Alex watch this week". I average about 5 hits a day. That mean Mike* and 4 Russians, so what the fuck do I care.

* Thanks Mike.

I just watch the premiere of "The Bitch in Apt. 23" tonight. By the way, that show is just "The Bitch" from now on because that title is more demanding than HIMYM**. The only thing I can say without question is that the pilot tried too hard. Beyond that, we will see how it evolves over time. Then again, it premiered in April, so fuck it.

** If you don't know what that is, you must be one of my Russians.***

*** It turns out, they have How I Met Your Mother there too, so even the Russians don't have an excuse.

Cast: I like Krysten Ritter. I'm not sure why. I also enjoy a celebrity making fun of himself (You can thank NPH is Harold and Kumar for that). So, James Van Der Beek is a win as a character in my book. I even like the crazy neighbor. No, not the masturbating one. The one from Crazy, Stupid Love (Liza Lapira, I had to look it up). For sheer cast potential and replacement for Happy Endings timeslot, I'm probably in for the season with this one.

Plot: God I hope the plots are more polished after this one. I really believe this pilot was shopped around to a cable channel before landing with ABC. It so badly wants to be raunchy, but the fact that even the title is scared to ruffle any feathers makes me worried about the precarious balance of the entire series between inappropriate and network TV ready.
I'll put it this way. The pilot played like the better rated show in an hour comedy block with Whitney. Take that as you will.

Soundtrack: Some shows forgo the soundtrack (Parks and Rec, The Office). Others use it in Lieu of a laugh track (30 Rock). Others use it so often that it feels like it's trying to force you to laugh (The Bitch). Maybe I'm the only one who feels that way about the pilot, but I have to say, I'm hoping that the sound track cools it in future episodes.

Will I Watch it Again:
Yeah. The DVR is already set. This show gives me every indication that I will be tired of it by season 2. There was enough that worked for me to keep watching.

Oh yeah, Elephant in the Room:
Why is this show premiering in April. Shouldn't that be a good indicator that this is a burn off show? Historically, yes, but if this leads to a push for more shorter run network TV seasons, I might be for it. As for this specifically, I think this says more about how certain ABC was that other shows would be cancelled by now.

Best MPAA Ratings of 2008

For all the time I spend on IMDB, I come across a lot of MPAA ratings, some of which are quite funny, or oddly descriptive, or distinctly abstract, or using a word I find funny, or anything in between.
Here are my favorite one's from 2008.

Note: BoxOfficeMojo lists 608 movies in 2008. I'm not checking all of them. I probably checked more ratings this year than any other year. It's a sort of lame duck year.

The Dark Knight - Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and some menace

The Spiderwick Chronicles - Rated PG for scary creature action and violence, peril and some thematic elements

Saw V - Rated R for sequences of grisly bloody violence and torture, language and brief nudity

Drillbit Taylor - Rated PG-13 for crude sexual references throughout, strong bullying, language, drug references and partial nudity

Definitely, Maybe - Rated PG-13 for sexual content, including some frank dialogue, language and smoking

The Spirit - Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of stylized violence and action, some sexual content and brief nudity



Past Years:
Best of 2011

Best of 2010
Best of 2009

Pentacost Rant: The Ascension

Looks like I'm not finished after all.

Part 1: Mardi Gras
Part 2: Ash Wednesday
Part 3: Giving Shit Up
Part 4: No Meat
Part 5: Palm Sunday
Part 6: Holy Thursday
Part 7: Good Friday
Part 8: ...Saturday
Part 9: Easter Sunday
Part 10: The Ascension

Ascension

How is the ascension not a bigger deal than it is? For Catholics, Pentacost is like the victory lap. By the time we finish it, we've cooled down and don't really care anymore. Seriously, it's great Jesus came back on Easter and all, but they used to set up bells in graves. A guy turning out to not be dead after a couple days shouldn't've turned more heads than a guy transporting to Heaven* to be with God, his Dad. I never got the impression this was a private affair either. Not like he apparated in his sleep or something. People watched him go.

* Which was a new concept then, like really nice condos opening down the street

Maybe the response to the Ascension is like a spurned lover thing. Jesus left for Heaven, said he'd send you post cards, and told you he'd be right back for you. Instead, you find yourself left behind. Sure, his cousin, the Holy Spirit, comes and warms your heart, but it's not the same. Check the church once, sometime twice a week. You send him prayers all the time. You even go through old books in the bible trying to figure out what you did wrong. You vow to change yourself for him. Maybe if you make yourself what he wants you to be you'll be together again.

I don't know. Seems like a weak metaphor. Oh well, you know what they say about Pentacost: Only six months till Christmas.

Lent Rant: Easter Sunday

Part 1: Mardi Gras
Part 2: Ash Wednesday
Part 3: Giving Shit Up
Part 4: No Meat
Part 5: Palm Sunday
Part 6: Holy Thursday
Part 7: Good Friday
Part 8: ...Saturday
Part 9: Easter Sunday
Part 10: The Ascension

Easter Sunday

And this whole 40 day affair is capped off with the grand spectacle that is Easter Sunday. Try and contain yourself.

What is there to say about Easter that hasn't already been said? Not much, because those non-Catholics celebrate this too. Collectively, I think we can all come to look at Easter and say "meh". I don't know if the early church was afraid to attach Easter to getting gifts (we already got the greatest gift of all, right?) or if they couldn't find a Saint around this time to be associated with that day*,  but Easter, in a secular sense, is lame.

* Trick question: there are more Saints than Catholics know what to do with. Not only is there never a boring day, there's ALWAYS a feast day.

You can even tell they tried to come up with celebrations for kids at the last second. It's the only explanation for bunnies, eggs, candy, and scavenger hunt all coming together. All of this while the child is in his/her nicest clothes. Christmas, you're in pajamas, and there's not even chocolate involved.

As for the religious end of the celebrating, there could be a better effort as well. I get the symbolic importance, I guess, of Jesus being resurrected, or as I like to call it, since he's god, "waking up".

Admittedly, first person shooters have ruined my perception of the Easter miracle. He respawned. If anything, I'm more impressed with him raising Lazarus** because that's reviving an ally which is useful since the lepers have him outnumbered. But this is Christianity, not Resident Evil.

** By the way, worst store name ever. It's like saying "coming back from bankruptcy".

The problem is, Fundamentalist or Contextualist, you must admit the story needs some peppering.

First, up the stakes (possible pun intended). Noah had a flood. Moses had slavery. Jerusalem in Jesus's time was more similar to England's control of Hong Kong before China took it back. Sure, they didn't like Roman rule, but Caesar was pretty Laize-Faire over there. Jerusalem was like the colonists in the US getting angry over Tea taxes, and those guys played it up better. Boston Massacre. Shots heard around the world. Those get you going. Couldn't the Apostles at least have to be busted out of jail or something? I start to think the only sin Jesus had to forgive us for was, in fact, killing him.

Secondly, what is the point in having Jesus' tomb found empty? Trust me. No one is reading the bible to build suspense. How about everyone gathers at the tomb and BOOM - stone door bursts into a million pieces, all the pebbles turn into white doves that start flying all over the place, and out Jesus walks to start Pentecost. As a kid, I would be stoked to go to mass on Easter for no other reason than possibly seeing a reenactment before the homily which would be given like a victorious battle cry. G-O-D! G-O-D! G-O-D!

Instead, I'm stuck at mass for two hours thinking the whole time how much I hate the "on the third day" phrasing. I did the math. Dies a little before sunset Friday, Back on his feet Sunday morning by sunrise. That's a day and a half. On the second day. I get it. Fri, Sat, Sun. He was dead technically on 3 different days, but if someone goes and tells you "You are going to go to sleep Friday afternoon and wake up Sunday morning" you are going to respond with "I'm going to be asleep for two days" or maybe "I'm going to be asleep for a day and a half." Sadly, at this point too many song lyrics and prayers would have to be changed, but I just want to hear the church own up to it. That's all.

Finale
So that's Lent. How does it all make sense exactly? I don't know. I'm not meant to. Being Catholic is like going to a strict prep school before going to college***. I may not use half of what I learned there or need to follow the same rules, but I have proven that I will cater to whatever authority I meet. I'll take that over "home schooled" protestants or reformers any day of the week, except Friday, of course.

***Wait, I did that too.

...Why do I feel like I'm forgetting something?

Movie Reaction: American Reunion

Formula: Grown-Ups -10 years + Nudity

Cast: You know them all. They were good in 1999. A group of up and comers who looked ready to take Hollywood by storm. Well, that didn't pan out, exactly. Now, they're back doing the shtick that made them famous, only older. I've always liked Jason Biggs and I think he could be a great sit-com star, like Alyson Hannigan. Sean Williams Scott is normally too much. No exception here. Someone dusted off Tara Reid. Not sure if that was necessary. Most of the new faces are there are T&A. I always love seeing Katrina Bowden though, especially like this.

Plot: Remember the first couple movies? Yeah, it's more of the same. That's either good or bad, depending on your taste. I had a lot of fun with all the lines they through into a narrative to make this movie fit, explaining the the reunion was actually a 13 year one and why different characters were missing in different movies. The comedy landscape has changed tremendously even since American Wedding came out, yet this still relies on the same gross-out, absurd jokes from the originals, which aren't bad, only dated. It's interesting that the theme of the movie is essentially "we're getting too old for this", but they keep doing it. They are trying to have their cake and eat it too, so to speak.

Soundtrack: Heavy with 90s nostalgia. This makes the point very early on that they are looking to bring back as many old fans without trying to get new ones. My take on the whole movie was that it is meant as the final chapter, not a new beginning, so I guess it's hard to fault them on that.

Elephant in the Room: Did anyone need this movie to be made? No. The whole time I watched this, I was reminded of "Old Dogs", "Couple's Retreat", and "Grown-Ups". These are all movies where the cast wants to pretend they aren't too old. "American Reunion" is not as bad as any of those. The cast is still pretty young. The type of comedy the movie does is a younger man's game. This cast, with a different style of humor, could come together very well. As it, though, it feels uneven all the way through.

To sum things up:
Netflix Instant Stream worthy, especially if you really like the franchise (excluding direct to DVD entries). You can see it in theaters, but good luck finding a theater full of people who will find the movie as funny as the producers wanted it to be.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend