Cast: I like all the people in it, even if I didn't like them in this, specifically, but there is a very TV Mini-Series feel to it. The climactic battle is Tim Riggins vs. Detective Jimmy McNulty. Walter White is in it, as is Mark Antony, from Rome. In fact, the only people with real movie credits are voice actors. I think Tim Riggins has the making of a movie star, but he was being asked to be a less compelling Aragorn, without the needed supporting players.
Plot: I'm told the John Carter stories are the inspiration for just about all the Sci-Fi movies ever made, but the screen adaptation of this plays out like an amalgamation of all the movies it has inspired. The Mars colosseum scene looks exactly like the Geonosis one in Attack of the Clones. As something altogether new, it fails, but as standard Sci-Fi fun, it works well enough.
Production: So, this movie is a Water World sized bomb and there's been a ton of examination about why in articles like this one. I'm not into wasting more time talking about all the missteps making the film. In terms of the final product though, it certainly looked like they spent a shit ton on it but not to good effect. It's like it took the "you can dress it up all you want, but it's still a whore" principle to it's extreme. Several times, characters are in huge rooms with a ton of detail and CGI for only a few lines of dialogue. There's no reason this thing should've cost half the amount spent on it.
Elephant in the Room: This movie looks stupid as shit and Disney had to be insane to think this would be a franchise. I can't argue against this. The stakes, plot, and characters all seemed to fit better as a SyFy mini-series or something. Maybe foreign sales might cause this to break even in the end, but, like The Golden Compass, I don't see a way there will be a part 2.
To Sum Things Up
I was hesitant to see this, only breaking down because I wanted to see Wrath of the Titans less. This thing is mercifully almost out of theaters and probably for good reason. I didn't dislike it, but I can't recommend it to anyone, especially with the price of 3-D tickets.
One last thought: Ticket stub guy at the movie theater (you know who you are). Fuck you! for not giving me 3-D glasses. I was midway through the MIB 3 trailer before I realized I wasn't losing my eye sight, and that is why I walked up to your little booth a few minutes later and took my glasses without asking.
Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend
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