Why I Saw It: I'll always give a big budget action movie a chance in theaters and this one has the added intrigue of that last second release delay.
Cast: A lot of actors playing roles in this. I suppose Dwayne Johnson is the star and he plays The Rock in an action movie: a big, brutal force of nature. Adrianne Palicki switches between eye-candy and action star effortlessly and I hope to see her as a staple in movies where things go boom. I don't know who D.J. Cotrona is and, beyond being a cheaper Channing Tatum, I still don't. Speaking of Tatum, his presence in the beginning is basically the smallest nod at continuity they could possibly make. Jonathon Pryce and Bruce Willis are there for a paycheck, neither seeming to have much fun. There's a lot of other people (like RZA for some reason) in there for large and small roles. None of them make a big impression, so that's all I'll say about that.
Plot: Here's what I imagine when they were storyboarding this: All the producers spent a weekend coming up with 5 ideas of things they'd like to have happen, then came back Monday, gave them to some writers to write the screenplay. Sometimes, this comes together fine. Other times, you get Wolverine. Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow were outright in a different movie for the majority of the run. I still have no idea what Cobra Commander's master plan was supposed to be. I can safely say that the logistics of it don't follow.
Elephant in the Room: What if I was a fan of the old series? Honestly, I never watched the show and didn't even play with the toys. I can barely recall what happened in Rise of Cobra. It's strange though. Half the time it seems like they are treating this movie like a stealth reboot (think, The Incredible Hulk). The rest of the time it feels like this is part 8 in a long running series of movies. If I was going to guess, fans of the cartoon are going to follow a lot more of the movie but dislike it the most passionately of anyone.
To Sum Things Up:
I didn't like this movie. The decision to take itself seriously didn't work for me. The action sequences weren't anything special. There's a distinct lack of awareness of how bad the one-liners are (of which there are many). I think the talents of the cast are wasted. It's nowhere near the worst movie I've seen this year (which says more about what has come out this year than it does this movie) and I can see some people enjoying this a lot more than I did. When watching it, I was bored and that's the kiss of death for an action movie in my book.
Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend
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