Formula: Murder on the Orient Express + the Nile + How Jack got his tattoos
I’ll admit, this movie is probably cursed. Maybe Kenneth Branagh hit a gypsy enchantress with his car or stole a sacred amulet from an Aztec shrine, but some power in this world was working against Death on the Nile. We were all reasonably excited when this movie first came together. Murder on the Orient Express was a solid hit. He was putting together an impressive cast again. Then COVID happened and pushed the release date several times. It damn near holds the record for most posters with different dates listed on them, I imagine. At that point, the stars got knocked out one-by-one. Gal Gadot had the now infamous “Imagine” video*. Letitia Wright came out as an anti-vaxxer. Armie Hammer is apparently a cannibal. I think Russell Brand did something too. By the time this got to the release date, Kenneth Branagh barely had anyone to share the red carpet with. And I’m not sure if Branagh is on that red carpet. I’m pretty sure he was doing press for all the nominations his film Belfast got just a few days before. As I said, nothing is working in this movie’s favor.
*To be fair, it’s weird how much ridicule she’s received for that. I feel like we all did some really stupid stuff March-June 2020.
All that said, I enjoyed the movie. There’s not much to an Agatha Christie adaptation. Populate the film with a collection of colorful characters, put them in a remote location, and make sure there’s a murder. This time, it’s the wedding party for an heiress (Gal Gadot) and her much less wealthy but handsome new husband (Armie Hammer). The location is an expensive riverboat on the Nile they board hoping to avoid Hammer’s ex (Emma Mackie) who he dumped very recently to marry Gadot. Master detective Hercule Poirot is brought on for another job before finding himself in charge of solving a string of murders. It’s not the greatest mystery in the world. The downside to being so influential is that since all modern mysteries are built on Agatha Christie’s novels, a straight adaptation is going to feel very familiar. The actors acquit themselves well, but it never moves past feeling like I’m watching some famous people at a murder mystery party.
I appreciate how much Branagh treats this like his 10th Poirot movie and not his 2nd. He doesn’t spend a ton of time reselling the audience on Poirot. While Poirot is the lead character, he’s rarely the focus of any scene. These movies must be a lot easier for him to direct than others he’s starred in. Really, I appreciate how happy everyone was to share screen time. Death on the Nile is a waste of Annette Bening unless she wanted a nice paycheck and to play someone big and uncomplicated.
I do question some of the casting. I don’t think Gal Gadot was right for her role. I know a lot of people are dogging on her acting. I don’t mind that as much, simply because the fun of these movies is that everyone is supposed to be playing a character card from Clue and not a fully fleshed out person. My issue is more with some age casting. Gadot, Emma Mackey, and Letitia Wright are all supposed to be old classmates. The problem is, Gadot looks like she’s in her mid-30s. Incredibly beautiful mid-30s, but mid-30s. She also has a look (similar to Armie Hammer) where if you put her in a group of people the same age as her, she looks like the adult in the room. Then there’s Leticia Wright who is late 20s but famous for playing a Wakandan wunderkind. It’s hard to age her up onscreen. Finally, Emma Mackey is mid-20s and still very convincingly playing a high schooler in Sex Education. On screen, there is no way Gadot, Wright, and Mackey look like old school chums, even if we give a few years of leeway. Pair Gadot instead with an Anna Kendrick, Amanda Seyfried, or Keira Knightley and it’s much less distracting.
The thing that most impressed me about the movie was the boat set. That thing is massive and they shoot all around it. Branagh makes a meal out of showing how much of the set they can walk around in. He shows off the whole layout of it so we understand how a person could get from one location to another. And, even though it is a fixed space, it never feels limiting. There are always more rooms or decks to set a scene in. It’s way too early to be thinking about this, but I would love if this could hang onto a production design nomination a year from now.
Side Note: You might be asking about the “How Jack got his tattoos” portion of my formula. That’s referencing the infamous episode of LOST where the flashbacks were about how Jack got the tattoos that had never before and never would serve a plot purpose. That was the moment when the showrunners realized they needed to set an endgame. The flashbacks in each episode were getting in the way, not helping. Now, I use it as a shorthand for a show or movie answering a question no one asked. In Death on the Nile, they give Poirot’s mustache an origin story. I don’t know if that was pulled from the books. If it was, it should’ve been dropped. Poirot’s mustache is famous but it’s not a mystery. Nothing they can offer works better than “He just has a funny mustache because he does” as an explanation. It’s not a big deal in the movie that they explain it. Maybe 5 minutes of runtime wasted. It’s just so unnecessary.
Death on the Nile is a really strong C+. It’s perfectly entertaining. It’s doesn’t overreach. I really have to question anyone’s expectations going in if they leave it greatly disappointed. I’ll never seek the movie out again or say a person must see it. It’s more of a movie one should passively find themselves watching than seek out. Strong “11:20am on HBO on a sick day” vibes for people in my age bracket and older. I got what I wanted out of it, so I have no complaints.
Verdict: Weakly Recommend
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