DVR Purge: 11/25-11/28

This week, I think I will try giving Thursday it's own post since that alone is seven shows. Here's Sunday through Wednesday...

The Walking Dead "When the Dead Come Walking"
What kind of shit is about to go down? The interrogation scenes were as tense and amoral as this show's going to get. The experiments with Andrea and the doctor make me think that that will be the facility's undoing. I can't wait to see  what happens next week. I'm realizing that I finally like enough of the cast to care about what happens when the shit hits the fan. Virtually everyone I secretly or not-so-secretly wanted dead is gone, so I'm rather heavily invested now.

Homeland "Two Hats"
I think this show has me exhausted. So much happens and it continually teeters on the edge of too far. I've heard this season described as a tight-rope act and that had me thinking. When you know what you are doing, the way you mess up on a tightrope is the fatigue of staying in control like that for so long. This show keeps making little slip-ups. Dana's back to being irritating this week when they should know better than that. There's the constant amazing cell-phone reception in restricted areas and bunkers. Don't forget about the sloppiness of nearly all the terrorist plans. I never thought I'd say this, but I wish they'd slow down, because the longer they keep upping or changing the stakes, the more I worry they will make an unforgivable mistake. Seriously, why don't I trust this show more?

How I Met Your Mother "12 Horny Women"
I remember a time when I cared. This was a little over the top for me. The courtroom hijinks were trying too hard and the flashback stories were too obviously fake for me to enjoy. Overall, no thanks.

Ben & Kate "Guitar Face"
I think I have a new word for this show: Stupid. That's not an attack. It's merely fitting.
The "milk pong" opening tag was stupid, but endearing.
Everything about the guitar/sex face was broad and stupid, but it gave way to some decent physical comedy.
Ben diving for golf balls and Tommy getting caught was overly-familiar and stupid as hell, but it worked well for both Echo Kellum's dry delivery and Nat Faxon's over-the-top style.
BJ getting overly into the support group was stupid, but she plays this character too well for it to not be funny.

New Girl "Eggs"
I'm torn on this episode. After a menopause episode last week, an episode about eggs makes me question the direction of this show (Maybe it's a production vs. air date issue. I don't know. Still, it's unfortunate). Then again, just about everyone was at their funniest: Nick getting to let out his inner-Hemingway. Winston getting to play irritated straight man to all the crazies. Jess getting to play manic without the pixie-dream girl. Schmidt getting to be a douche while not being a punchline. Cece getting to be indifferent, but not really. I just wish this show could maintain this quality yet not do episodes that make me shake my head at the summary line.

Go On "Back, Back, Back...It's Gone!"
Oh, the blind guy? I though he was dead or something? I think it's a good thing that they don't feel the need to use all the characters every week. That's a healthy use of an ensemble this size.

I enjoyed Ryan hitting on the volleyball players. I didn't care so much for Misty May acting. Not her fault though. It's the danger of stunt casting.I liked the pocket-dialing gag way more than I should've. I think the word I'm looking for is "tickled".
Overall, this was a really strong episode. I am having so much fun seeing how all these new shows are developing.

The Mindy Project "Teen Patient"
I know Morgan breaking the intern is cheap physical comedy, but boy, did it make me laugh. Actually, that goes for all the physical comedy this week.
Simply put, I enjoyed every bit of this episode. Mindy with high-schoolers is a wonderful mix, because she sounds like a teen half the time, but the ways that she disagrees with them are comedy gold (slime was my favorite recurring joke). They continue to calibrate her boyfriend in smart ways as well 
The office side of things was much more commonplace, but Chris Messina sold Danny's uncomfortableness so well that it didn't seem like such a stretch comically.
In the long run, the biggest surprise was how they didn't even feel the need to shoehorn Jeremy in since the plot didn't demand it. Like Go On, if they are going to maintain such a large supporting cast, I'm glad they aren't demanding that everyone play a role every week.


Modern Family "When a Tree Falls"
As soon as I heard the word "Cats" I knew we were in for a sight-gag. I couldn't find anything about the Alex/Haley funny either since every joke was so damn obvious. Manny, still the same jokes as season 1. I'm really tired of Phil, but his and Jay's story was harmless.
As always, I liked the couple jabs they gave Luke, like they "birther" joke. Surprisingly, the use of Lilly as a mirror of Cam and Mitchell got good mileage too.

Suburgatory "Friendship Fish"
If Tessa wasn't the narrator, I'd forget that she was the lead. She used to be more interesting. Now, she just reacts to everyone else's craziness. Jane Levy is really good in the show, but I get the feeling that the writers stopped working on her and let her be, something more live Dave in News Radio.

Nashville "Lovesick Blues"
Why do Rayna and Juliette hate each other? I understand indifference or irritation. This episode basically picked up where the pilot left off. Every episode since that one has been pulling them in opposite directions, which I was fine with. The problem for this episode is that there really isn't any reason for the ill-will. I guess there's Deacon. That isn't even much of an issue anymore.
As always, I'm more interested by Scarlett's story this week, although I'll admit that it's mostly because she's the one I have the biggest crush on, so to speak.
In regards to the preview for next week, for those who've watched it, what secrets? This isn't LOST. There's not a bunch of mysteries than need answer. I understand their desire to hype the winter finale, but it was like they were advertising a different show.

Past Purges:
11/21-11/24 (Dexter)
11/17-11/20
11/11-11/16
11/4-11/10
10/28-11/3
10/20-10/27
10/13-10/19
10/6-10/12
9/29-10/4
9/22-9/28

Rant: People With and Without Kids

There's an interesting evolution that seems to happen when someone has a kid. They stop being one of the people who hates parents who bring their obnoxious kids places and become one of them.

People with kids, I get it. They don't care. If their kid is yelling at O'Charley's, so what? This is their first meal that didn't include Mac n' Cheese or apple slices in months. Frankly, these parent can 'not care' all they want. But, don't give me shit when I scoff and say "someone should get that kid a muzzle" obviously within earshot. Part of not giving a shit that your kid bothers other people is actually not giving a shit. You can either grin and bear it or take it out on the kid later (that's up to you). The kid is the one making this an issue, not me. Besides, if you kick my ass, you have the cops at your doorstep the next day (that's a promise), but if you can smack the kid around later and threaten their Barbie if they tell anyone, while I don't approve, it's your kid. I don't care, in all honesty.
If you make the mistake of bringing the kid to a movie, then responsibility does not disappear with the lights. Get that noisy piece of shit out of the theater if they are going to talk through the Green Lantern's oath* and catch the part you miss on DVD one night after you spike the kid's ice cream with Nyquil. I don't care how you do it, but I'm not putting down 10 bucks to have the best part ruined by Mikey yelling that he's scared. Why is this kid seeing Saw with you anyway? You are a bad parent.

*Yeah, I wrote this a while ago. I'm not in the mood to update it.

Alternately, people without kids, stop being dicks. I get that you didn't sign up for kids, but I didn't sign up for hobos and still have to put up with them when I leave the house. Kids are a consequence you should expect. Example: The book store has a kid's section, so I'm sorry that you don't get to read that book in the store [that you have no intention of buying anyways] in quiet solitude.
There's also no need to scoff at the mere sight of a mom with two five year-olds and a baby walking into a coffee shop. Until one of them yells in your ear or wipes the unknown stickiness on his hand on your table, they aren't bothering you. Parents are people too, only with a small, unruly army.
You don't have to follow the golden rule here. Just maintain you righteous indignation for the second they make the first misstep. Never cede the high ground. In polite society it is your greatest weapon.

Movie Reaction: Silver Linings Playbook

Formula: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest + Shall We Dance

Cast: They pulled some surprisingly good performances out of this one. Bradley Cooper is hardly someone I dislike, but he's never done anything to wow me either. He held up quite well in the lead role to this one. He gets outshined by others in the cast. I can't blame him for that. Jennifer Lawrence is the heavy hitter here. She's on my list of actresses I don't particularly like but can't deny their talent. Some are calling her the Oscar front-runner. I have no issue with that. This should go without saying, but De Niro is fantastic in this. I haven't seen him this good since at least Everybody's Fine (but probably even further back). 

Plot: What we have here is the story of a lot of damaged people that doesn't shy away from their problems that ends at a dance competition. Normally, this doesn't fit together. For this movie, it works somehow. I enjoyed it start to finish, although it's RomCom DNA does get in the way sometimes. The added stakes to the dance competition is where that's most apparent. That results in some tonal unevenness.

Elephant in the Room: This looks kind of depressing for a comedy. There's more than 5 laughs in the movie so, come awards season, this is going to be constantly called a comedy. The TV spots all make this into a romance. And, it is these things, but going in expecting just that will make for a lot of discomfort. Remember, this is from the same guy as The Fighter and it's not like he's completely changing tones.

To Sum Things Up:
Around this time of year, we hear all kinds of awards buzz and everyone claims that movie A or B is something special of the best [insert qualifier] movie. While I liked this movie a great deal, it didn't particularly stick out. There's some really good performances and a Philadelphia-centric plot. The best thing I can say about it is that it added some impressive edges to what is generally a pretty slight genre. 

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

DVR Purge: 11/21-11/24 (Dexter)

Breaking format here a bit. Due to traditional viewing patterns I've developed, I've been holding back from watching Dexter since the premiere until today. Then, I plan to do the same for the final part of the season. I figured it would be fun to track my instant reactions after watching each episode and seeing how they changed throughout the day.

Dexter "Are You...?"
-Oh my god. They addressed it. She knows. She knows! No convenient amnesia or anything. So much potential. So very much. Can't wait to see how this goes.That alone is giving me reason to be more excited than last year.
-Are the Ukrainians going to be the big bads this season? He's never taken down an entire syndicate. That's Jack Bauer territory.

Dexter "Sunshine and the Frosty Swirl"
-Shit shit shit. They are dealing with Deb knowing it all. He can't talk his way out of anything and she's going to attempt to work the monster out of him. This cohabitation thing has gotta go though. Dexter's only fun if he gets to hunt.

-I really wanted Dexter to kill Louis. That character either needs to get a lot more villainous (perhaps a big-bad or mini-bad) or fade away.
-So, I get that they got rid of Rita's kids. I guess Harrison's on his way out too.

Dexter "Buck the System"
-Yvonne Strahovski is in, Josh Cooke is out. Dexter's out of Deb's house but she hasn't given him the go ahead to kill yet. This is either a return to status quo or an interesting new angle. History points toward the former. My hopes go to the latter.
-I found his murder fantasies very entertaining and could watch a whole episode of those.
-It's a Minotaur. That's kind of awesome.

Dexter "Run"
-Oh yeah. There we go. Shipping Harrison out. Will we ever see him again or is he going to be a once a season kid like the others?
-So, they've introduced Yvonne Stravoski. When is she going to be used more?
-The Minotaur man will go down as one of my favorite mini-bads. That guy was creepy and entertaining.
-I can't imagine Dexter trying to make Deb see his ways is going to turn out well. Eventually she will let him "release the Kraken", so to speak and there's no way that can end as anything but a disaster.

Dexter "Swim Deep"
-I'm pretty sure Dexter and Hannah were flirting. I hope that continues.
-Is this the first time the big-bad has been a super-assassin. In terms of ability to actually kill Dexter, this guy is certainly his best match.
-When you think about it, all this covering up Deb has to do for Dexter is her own fault. Had she not walked in on Dexter, he wouldn't've lost the blood slide, Mike Anderson wouldn't have been on the road to find Viktor and the hooker. Even Louis wouldn't've had to die (sure, I'd be rooting for that to happen anyways). Then again, something needs to set things in motion, or else this would be a pretty boring season.

Dexter "Do the Wrong Thing"
Will Debra ever find a normal man. This is her second author. Second guy obsessed with a murderer. For fuck's sake, they bonded over sharing evidence.
-I really want Angel to buy that restaurant and it turn into the Cheers-style hang out for the cast. Maybe season 8 will turn into a multi-cam comedy.
-Hells yeah! Dexter and Hannah, getting it on. He seems to have a thing for damaged blondes.

Dexter "Chemistry"
-Fuck Quinn. Why couldn't he die instead of Mike Anderson? His moral quandaries really bore me. At least when he was dating Deb that kept him close to the action and dating the Trinity killer's daughter added a psycho-factor.
-Every season seems to be about finding another person Dexter can get close to. Hannah feels like an amalgamation of Prada, Trinity, and Lumen. She's not a new character in almost any way. Rather, she's a reworking in those similar characters.
-This entire season has felt like a retrospective. Between Deb looking back on the past seasons from a new lens, LaGuerta bringing back up the Bay Harbor Butcher, and the odd similarities of Hannah to previous companions, there has been a lot of chewing on past events. It's really similar to It's Always Sunny this season, and I've enjoyed both shows greatly as they do it.

Dexter "Argentina"
-No. No. No! Why'd they have to bring back Deb being in love with Dexter? I was fine accepting that it was sloppy to drop that story cold since the net effect of ditching it was for the best (and not creepy, technically-not-but-still-icky incestuous). I guess it was inevitable.
-I should've picked up on Isaac being gay, I suppose. I figured they were family instead. This make more sense though. That talk in the bar was pretty great. It felt like a plausible meeting of the minds and effectively conveyed the nature of their situation as well as their mutual understanding about it all.
-As an ending point for a marathon binge, this episode was a pretty good one. The end of act two, with nothing resolved, but everything in a holding pattern until something shakes it back up.

Past Purges:
11/17-11/20
11/11-11/16
11/4-11/10
10/28-11/3
10/20-10/27
10/13-10/19
10/6-10/12
9/29-10/4
9/22-9/28

DVR Purge 11/17-11/20

The Walking Dead "Hounded"
It's about times the stories collide. All this is starting to feel like The Others on LOST though. I'm curious what they are building toward. All signs point to a showdown between the Governor and the prison group, which will be interesting because so far, all the fighting has been against zombies or the worst of people. Most of the Governor's facility are good people with a corrupt leader. We'll see how this goes.
-I pray to god that Andrea is playing the Governor, because otherwise everything about this episode was awful. She can't be this trusting of the Governor already and the whole exchange about liking the fights was anything but subtle writing.
-How big is this prison? It feels like it's barely been searched at all. I don't know if that's plausible or not.

Homeland "I'll Fly Away"
Ok, Morgan Saylor can act. Let's see, Claire Danes, Damian Lewis, Mandy Patinkin, Morena Baccarin, and now Morgan Saylor on my list of reasons why this show is compelling as hell despite really questionable writing at times. I'm not actually sure if the helicopter scene of Dana talking to the dead lady's daughter had me more tense.

How I Met Your Mother "The Stamp Tramp"
I didn't hate this. At this point, I consider that a big success for the show. Barney's free agency was pretty enjoyable even if it was pretty slight. I also enjoy whenever they decide to focus on how awful Ted is.

Ben & Kate "Reunion"
I love this show. The chemistry on this shows is so natural. Nat Faxon plays off the kid amazingly. Him reading her report is so endearing even as over the top as it was. Additionally, I'm always up for Amber Stevens in anything even if she was pretty lamely used.

New Girl "Parents"
-The gay kiss. Always treated like it's comedic gold but always strained in it's execution. I think I've finally figured Winston out. He's never going to fit with the rest of the group naturally because he's best when reacting to everyone.
-Rob Riggle is almost always too much for me. In some cases, that's his appeal. This was not one of those times.
-Nick and Jess' Dad talking is my new favorite thing. It never occurred to me that the best thing for Nick's old man persona was to play off an old man.

Happy Endings "More Like Stanksgiving"The Real World angle is certainly one of the cleverest ways to do a flashback episode and leaves so much potential for future call-backs. I mean, that was only one disk of the season.

Go On "Dinner Takes All"
Lauren Graham...so I loved it, regardless of other content. The episode itself was perfectly fine though. I haven't done the math and I may have missed an episode or two that addressed this, but did the support group get smaller? I think the cast is down to 11. Still too big, but it doesn't seem unmanageable. Also, did they say Carrie was from Kentucky? She doesn't seem hillbilly at all.

The Mindy Project "Thanksgiving"
-I so totally hate that opening music. Even 10 seconds of it is too much.
-I admire the attempt to shakeup the groupings.  Betsy and Jeremy didn't do it much for me. Maybe a back story that wasn't exactly what I expected would've worked better.
-Mindy, Morgan, and Gwen was an interesting grouping. I like Morgan despite the familiarity of that character type. He plays that guy can become anyone's friend well. It was good to finally see why they keep Gwen around. I think I even like that boyfriend of Mindy's. His douchiness kind of works for me.
-Most of all, I liked Danny being by himself. I could relate to it well and I'm glad they didn't force it into some sort of odd couple pairing. He chose to be alone, liked it, but also briefly felt lonely. Nicely done.

Don't Trust the Bitch in Apt. 23 "It's a Miracle"
I'm beginning to think they don't have a single sociopath on the writing staff. I'm serious. Chloe is all shock and no pathos. The same goes for Midwesterners on staff. They write June like she was literally kept in a bubble all her life. I'd like them to dabble in reversal of the master/apprentice this those two have going.

Past Purges:
11/11-11/16
11/4-11/10
10/28-11/3
10/20-10/27
10/13-10/19
10/6-10/12
9/29-10/4
9/22-9/28

Movie Reaction: Lincoln

Formula: Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter - Dracula: Dead and Loving It

Cast: Where to begin? So many people. There's no way I can address them all. Daniel Day Lewis, unsurprisingly completely inhabits the role. His is Lincoln. He plays him like a walking, breathing legend and completely sells it. Tommy Lee Jones is the next biggest stand-out. He's playing a 1860 version of himself but does it with such conviction that it's hard to care. Everyone else gets their speech or moment to shine. As odd as it is in an actor's showcase like this though, this movie isn't about them and none of them try to take over. Props to James Spader however for being gloriously slimy yet righteous. One issue I had, and it's almost all on me, not the movie, is that other than Day Lewis I couldn't see any of the actors as their character. Everyone else was that actor playing a character on the screen. I'm not sure why this is.

Plot: Years back, when I read Atlas Shrugged, I remember being acutely aware that the book was written for the speeches. There was plot to it, but nothing worked as well as the moments when someone went on a 2+ page oration. It didn't take away from how I felt about the book, but it helped me to understand the framework of the novel. Lincoln is the same way. It's a collection of speeches. Damn good speeches. It's not like the plot is all that new to me. The bill passes. We are mostly following a lot of "how" which is completely up to the creative team to show how this happened. Overall, it is less about Lincoln himself than it is about the passing of the 13th Ammendment, and for that reason, I think the movie ended about 10 later than it needed to.

Setting: The plot's pretty standard. This movie was always going to live or die by how well it recreated this place in time. It unquestionably succeeded. Everything feels very lived in and it looks like a genuine recreation of Washington D.C. It was pretty impressive.

Elephant in the Room: We just finished an election season and now I'm supposed to watch something else about politics? It seems cruel to shove even more bipartisanship down our throats. In agree. No one is more tired of this stuff than me. That's why I'll say this movie isn't for everyone. It navigates the ins and outs of passing a bill in a lot of detail. It's an interesting lesson in how things were done differently (yet still the same) 150 years ago. I'd've appreciated if they would've waited for an odd year to release this so I could get some sort of respite.

To Sum Things Up:
Lincoln is an epic of minimal proportions that could only exist as a passion project. It is hyper-focused on a short period of time and a man who is second only to Jesus in his deification. Without doing much any scene could slip into awards-chasing Oscar-bait. Thankfully, it always dials it back just enough to not be preachy or saccharine. Overall I liked it, but it's not my favorite movie this year by a long shot.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

DVR Purge: 11/11-11/16

Saturday Night Live "Anne Hathaway; Rihanna"
I don't normally talk about this show, but I love me some Anne Hathaway and she did an excellent job. She was used in a lot of the sketches, got to sing, and had exceptional poise. Overall, this was a pretty great episode. The Homeland spoof was superb, possibly matching my enjoyment of the Lincoln/Louie sketch last week. Mokiki And The Sloppy Swish was brilliant in a "I can't take my eyes off it" sort of way. I even rather enjoyed the McDonald's staff meeting.

The Walking Dead "Say the Word"
It's about an hour after I watched the episode. I didn't drink anything tonight while watching it. Still, I can't tell you what happened this week. I remember some zombie fighting and something about Stockholm Syndrome with the Governor. Baby formula. Rick going John Rambo on a bunch of walkers. Then thinking "When's Homeland coming on?". A lot of wheel spinning this week. The previews for next week make it look like this was building to next week, so that'll be the judge.

Homeland "The Clearing"
So Dana and Brody's stories finally come together and I can't say that I'm thrilled. Why are they so dead set on going to the police anyway? Responsibility is great and all, but staying out of jail and not wrecking your family's future is better. Do we really have a proven history of the Brodys having such high moral fiber? Whatever. It looks like it's building toward something fun in the coming weeks and we got a good showcase for Saul, which I always love.

How I Met Your Mother "Splitsville"
What's the point of DVR if it's not going to remember a series recording. Fuck this. Thankfully, CBS posted the episode by the next day. I guess they did that last week too, but I didn't think to check. Anyways, maybe my DVR is doing me a favor. My god, I am getting tired of episodes about breakups. They should all be taken care of by now. Time to move on, please.


Ben & Kate "Career Day"
I'm really scared for this show whenever I see the weekly ratings, because it's doing so badly and I really like it. I love how well the cast gels so far. It even makes up for a lot of pretty predictable writing because I'm still finding at least one thing to laugh at every episode. This week, it was Tommy playing the race card. I still like the kid too.

Happy Endings "Boys II Menorah"
Enjoyed it start to finish. They've found a good way to explore Alex and Dave in their second go at a relationship. Brad and Max work together well even though they didn't have any major laugh at loud moments that stick out for me. Jane is psychotic and amazing, especially when getting tased. Penny is equally great at being pathetic and morally questionable with a bunch of young Jewish men.

New Girl "Menzies"
Oh thank god! I was concerned they were really doing a PMS episode. It was a smokescreen though and dealt with some character growth. It was nice that they had a couple scenes with all the roommates interacting, instead of everyone being in their own world the whole time. I am concerned that they're walking the fine line between Schmidt being a lovable douche and simply a douche a little too perilously. I like that they left it to Cece to have the epiphany about what she was doing instead of the sitcom standard which would've left Schmidt to do it.

Go On "Videogame, Set, Match"
I'm finally starting to come around on this show. The cast is still way too big. Way, way too big. I like at least half of them by now. The other half could follow. Any episode now, I can feel it, there will be a joke that gives me a belly-laugh. The coma-guy prank was close. Maybe if they wouldn't've told us it wasn't really his brother. Sure it's darker, but that kind of fits the premise of the show, right?

The Mindy Project "Danny Castellano is My Gynecologist"
Apparently this episode was produced much earlier and didn't air till now, so I'm forgiving the excess of "will they/won't they" between Danny and Mindy this week, since they've already toned it down in more recent episodes. I really love Mindy's voice and I will wait patiently for it to figure itself out more since it's already come pretty far.

Don't Trust the Bitch in Apt. 23 "Sexy People..."
Oh, that's adorable. A whole plot about sexiest man alive. Pretty impressive that it began by predicting Channing Tatum (maybe they already knew, but to my knowledge it was announced Wednesday and the episode aired Tuesday. Don't kill the illusion). But really, does Disney own People? This was absurd. More enjoyable than I expected though.
-Am I the only one that gets the feeling that one day June with go on a murdering spree? Yeah, Chloe's the Bitch, but June's the one that scares me.

The Middle "Thanksgiving IV"
Why Love Story? It certainly fills the randomness quotient. Otherwise, I don't get it. My favorite part of the show is when they have the family together in a conversation and the stories intersect, so the Thanksgiving dinner scene was wonderful by my measure. I can't help but also notice had little of a story Sue had and how much I enjoyed the episode overall.

Modern Family "Mistery Date"
Oh my. I should've written this before I saw Suburgatory, because it made this look all the worse by comparison. Once again, I hate the sloppy, inhumanely conveniently timed, can see from a mile away misunderstandings. Never made that a secret. So, I won't even bother addressing the Phil plot, and for that matter, keeping Gloria and Jay out of the house. I loved the Bar Mitzvah story with Manny and Luke, though, again it's hurt by comparisons since Happy Endings did it better this week too. I guess the Alex and Claire story was ok, albeit one that could've used a little more depth. Not a bad episode. Certainly and unfortunately timed and placed one.

Subrgatory "The Wishbone"
That episode was superb. I went into it saying it was "make or break" after the opening tag (something that they repeated in the episode as well). Jane Levy knocked this one out of the park, as did Jeremy Sisto. Malin Akerman was wonderfully introduced. Dallas was used sparingly but effectively. More than anything, every second with the Shays and Malik was golden, from the "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" reference to the amazing bathroom exchange between him and Sheila to Ryan giving Lisa the wishbone. I sometimes question my enjoyment of the show, but this absolutely solidified it's place among the unquestionables. Hopefully this episode is the beginning of a streak and not an aberration.

Nashville "You're Gonna Change Or I'm Gonna Leave"
The politics are finally starting to get interesting, the stuff with the pills is showing they are thinking more than an episode at a time, and the interweaving of the stories is getting better. Overall, I still like the Scarlett stuff the best even if it is the most predictable.

The Big Bang Theory "The 43 Peculiarity"
Wasn't Penny ready to break up with Leonard just a few weeks ago? Whatever. It's more fun when they're together. I'm sorry, I can't get past Sheldon's crude sex joke, complete with head-bobbing. I don't get to say this often but that was unexpected. The joke alone was more than they generally go for but the extra beat when he show's Leonard what he means felt so organic. It was like something from the gag-reel that they left it. As far as moments go, that was pretty great.

30 Rock "Aunt Phatso vs. Jack Donaghy"
That was a good episode, not a great one. That's about all there is to say about it. I really don't like anything Tyler Perry does, so it's nice to see them go after him. There weren't any spit-take jokes though, and for a show with as little depth as 30 Rock has normally, that can really soil an episode.

The Office "The Whale"
The return of Jan! That was pretty great, as was limited Andy, who is as much a liability as anything these days. I hate everything about Erin and the new guy. I am no longer interested in coupling in The Office. I'd like for this season to be a real swan song. If every episode from now own doesn't feel like it's building toward the finale, I'm not interested. That's why I have no issue with the seeming pointlessness of the Jim story.

Parks & Recreation "Leslie Vs. April"
I'm always torn by political stunt-casting. On one hand, Joe Biden has no comedic timing, seems visibly uncomfortable, and is a politician (i.e. the type of person that ranks below "puppy kickers" and above people who talk about what they do as "their art" on my spite chart). On the other hand, we got to see Leslie's perfect reaction to meeting him. In the end, this is a net positive by my measure. A fine episode though, and a great callback to Gary.

Burn Notice "Over The Line"
It's hard to be invested in a single episode of a show like this. I love seeing an alum of The Wire, so I hope there will be more of Sonja Sohn to come. Regardless, this is an interesting new status quo and I'm curious to see how they slide back into the "case of the week" format, or if they do.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia "Charlie's Mom Has Cancer"
Yet again, the conceit of the episode is rehashing a plot they've done before. Still, I don't mind, so they do it so well. The cancer stuff barely even mattered to the episode anyway. I love when they go after Catholicism since most shows don't dare do it and they do it so well. I love the touch with all the standing and sitting at mass. The ending at Dee and Dennis' mom's grave was my biggest laugh of the night, if not the week.
-Lastly, what the hell was P. Diddy doing there? I'm reminded of the episode of Entourage with the Kanye West cameo and how uncomfortable the cast looked with him, like they had to humor him when he thought he was being funny. Diddy is much more of a pro than that and anyone who's seen "Get Him To The Greek" knows he has chops, but there were still some moments that stuck me as humoring him.

The League "The Tailgate"
I'm not sure why, but I quite liked that episode. Each character was used enough to be funny but not so much that they became stale. There was also no Ravi to set it over the top. I liked the over the top high school classmates and...uh, other stuff too. Look. I over committed this week. Look how many shows I've talked about. I'm tired and out of things to say. The only thing I've even focusing on at this point is how many times I've said "just", "really", and "but" (Trust me. It's too much).

Past Purges:
11/4-11/10
10/28-11/3
10/20-10/27
10/13-10/19
10/6-10/12
9/29-10/4
9/22-9/28

Movie Reaction: Skyfall

Formula: The bond formula is one of the best defined in cinema. Don't make me say something like (Goldeneye + Octopussy) / Goldfinger

Cast: I really like Daniel Craig as Bond. I don't have any preconceived notions about what Bond should be, so as long as he's British, spy, and equipped for action scenes, then I think he fits the bill. Judi Dench is good but it hardly seems like she's trying in this (aka, she can play this role in her sleep). Javier Bardem is excellent. It's like he read a book on everything a good Bond villain has to be and then took some cues from the Joker. Bérénice Marlohe plays an attractive woman...not much more depth. Naomi Harris plays an attractive woman who is also an agent. Ralph Fiennes...is in it. Not much to say about him.

Plot: You've seen a Bond movie before, right? There's a formula to this but you can see some other influences in this. They obviously pulled the villain from Dark Knight and there's even some Home Alone in it. I liked that they delve into Bond's backstory some, although they do have to be careful how much they give up. Bond is an enigma and this franchise has lasted 50 years because they've kept each one pretty self-contained, immune from growth.

Elephant in the Room: What makes it a "Bond movie"? Guns, action, spy stuff. One attractive woman who is a bad-guy or a victim. One who is on Bond's side. A main villain with a secret base. That distinctive soundtrack. The need to shoot the most ridiculously cool establishing shot in every location before it moves to Bond. A lot of tongue-in-cheek humor. I know I'm missing a lot of the other keys, but whatever they are, they're all here.

To Sum Things Up:
I liked it well enough. After the huge successes of critical-darling action movies like The Avengers, The Dark Knight, and the Bourne Movies, the bar has been raised. While this has been getting some pretty great reviews, I think it needs to be remembered that this is still a Bond movie when all is said and done. That's not any sort of indictment, but the stability of knowing what you are getting limits also means there's less room to be anything new, dynamic, or special. Skyfall is certainly fireing on all cylinders though and is much more Casino Royale than Quantum of Solace.


Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

DVR Purge 11/4 - 11/10

The Walking Dead "Killer Within"
On one hand, I'm glad that they've avoided the wheel-spinning that plagued the middle of last season by keeping the action  cranked up. On the other hand, I kind of feel like they are just avoided that problematic character-building stuff by keeping the action dialed up.

Homeland "A Gettysburg Address"
All this Dana murder coverup stuff is veering dangerously close into Friday Night Lights season 2 territory. I know I said I'd stuff questioning Homeland, but there was never any chance that was ever going to happen. Consider me on alert.

How I Met Your Mother "The Autumn of Break-Ups"
Seriously? When will the damage caused by Sandy be done? Yeah, missed this due to DVR fuck-up. I've heard that my DVR may have done me a favor though.

The Middle The Safe"
When Brick and Sue destroyed the wall with the safe, I was reminded of how great this show does call-backs. There's no faster way to my approval than keeping a good historian. And, using Jane Kazmerek is a cheap way to earn my affection.

Modern Family "Arrested"
Good. Haley's back. Do I expect that to improve the show dramatically? Not for everyone. Honestly, if that's all I have to say about the episode, at this point in the series, I'm calling that a win. I always enjoy a good Luke/Lilly feud callback.

Suburgatory "Foam Finger"
There's a couple good jokes in this, mostly having to do with the KKK and that amazing tag at the end, but the eponymous Dallas material made this one sort of a stinker for me.

Nashville "Move It On Over"
This week's episode got my highly divided attention, so part of my boredom from this one has to do with that. The election stuff is responsible for the rest. I hope the writers realize that the music stuff is what keeps it interesting, not the mayoral race.

Big Bang Theory "The Habitation Configuration"
-Come Emmys time, I tend to be irritated because Jim Parsons always pulls a win by using it as his submission episode, but any episode with drunk Sheldon is one of the better ones.
 -Was Will Wheaton wearing a Guild shirt or am I imagining things?
-I notice that they've given up on 1) Penny's acting career and 2) the thought of her ever getting out of The Cheesecake Factory. I guess building a new set is too expensive.

The Office "The Boat"
It still has a lot of flaws, but I found this episode to be really funny. The phone interview stuff was way over the top but excellently executed and everyone's fake voices were quite funny (as was Darrel's disapproval of Jim's choice of voices).

Parks & Recreation "Ben's Parents"
-How have I never before thought who would win: Ron Effing Swanson or "Mike the Cleaner"? Jonathan Banks needs to come back just so I can see him and Nick Offerman interact in any way.
-I don't know about you, but I rewatched everyone turning on Ben when they say not to hurt Leslie several times before I could watch more of the episode.

Burn Notice "Desperate Measures"
Seriously, my DVR and me need to sit down and have a talk. I didn't catch that it wasn't recording Burn Notice until the second episode began. Gee, I hope USA shows it again sometime this week.


Burn Notice "Means & Ends"
Luckily, Burn Notice is one of the most context-free shows I watch. It being season 6, they've hit that maturation where every case of the week involves previously introduced characters. Fi not far removed from jail is the only reason I remembered her prison buddy who has a creepily well-behaved son.
-Coby Bell cannot pull off gangster. I forgive a lot of bad accents and flimsy disguises but that is one hat that no one in the group can wear (in this case, literally).

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia "The Gang Gets Analyzed"
At first I was worried this would be another flashback narrative like "Who Got Dee Pregnant". Instead we got this gem of an episode. I don't think this show gets enough credit for how diverse it's episode catalog is. Sure, it's always them being horrible people, but they've fought off disappointing returns after nearly 100 episodes by taking a cue from Community and breaking from formula whenever possible.
-Favorite joke: Mac asking if Dee's therapist keeps a pen on her table because it looks like a dick.

The League "Judge MacArthur"
I'll admit, I probably wouldn't continue to watch this show if it wasn't in a set with It's Always Sunny. It's too inconsistent and employs a "get the joke at all costs" approach that doesn't work as consistently as it needs too and every episode plays like they though of the end and built everything before it to fit. That said, the Ruxin getting stupider throughout the episode was funny even if it didn't make much sense for him.

Movie Reaction: Wreck It Ralph

Formula: Toy Story + Tron

[Voice] Cast: I like John C. Reilly. He has a good voice and conveys a lot with it. Jack McBrayer is basically a live-action cartoon so this was perfect for hm and I expect more voice-work to come to him over time. Jane Lynch is recognizably herself and that works well for this medium. My real props go to Sarah Silverman who has a great voice for animation but who's material has been too risque to given a shot on a major family movie. The props go to Disney as well for letting her be herself in the end. There's some jokes that sound more like her voice than anything Disney would do (Dreamworks, maybe).

Plot: With a family movie, it's never about going somewhere you don't expect. The question is how it does it. This movie is a success in my book because it manages to not talk down to the adult audience while still being accessible to the kids. There were more than a few genuinely touching moments which is more than I can say of a lot of movies I see. The plethora of retro video game references is pretty impressive, especially the number of characters they were allowed to use.

Elephant in the Room: This isn't Pixar, right? Correct. At this point it's hard to remember that Pixar is not the blanket name for all Disney animation. They don't do a lot these days. Tangled's the last one of note, but Disney is finally coming into their own after the fall of the 90s heyday, and sure, if Pixar is the gold-standard, then Disney Animation is certainly making a case for the silver.

To Sum Things Up:
This movie was clever, albeit the inspiration from Toy Story is undeniable. It's endearing and sweet, with a good message. In other words, it's Disney in a nutshell. There won't be a lot of good animated or family fare this season, so anyone looking would be well served to give this one a chance.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Movie Reaction: Flight

Formula: The Wrestler + the last part of United 93 (for obvious reasons)

Cast: Look, Denzel is the only one that matters in this movie. There's a lot of actors in this (John Goodman, Nadine Velazquez, Bruce Greenwood, Don Cheadle, to name a few), but none of them were well served. This was a showcase for Denzel Washington, and it's an interesting shortcoming of the awards system that he wins a best actor Oscar for Training Day but stands no chance of winning with this much better performance. Seriously, he is very good in this. My problem is that the cast is too large to support. Everyone else felt like someone temporarily in his story and I question is that was the intent going in. I would like to say, Kelly Reilly was certainly the next best thing in this, after Denzel. Also, I'd like to give a shout out to Tamara Tunie of Law & Order fame. She was solid.

Plot: This ended up being a much different movie than I expected, even with the warning that it isn't what the advertisements pegged it as. This movie is about an alcoholic. The fact that he made an impossible crash landing is secondary, if not tertiary. As I mention above, this movie is really similar to The Wrestler in that it follows a character who can't help himself. He has a problem and he makes the wrong decision every step of the way, and it is often handle with such levity that I wonder what message they are even trying to get across. In the end, there's some really gripping stuff with the crash landing in the beginning and the rest of the movie is spent showing you what a mess Denzel is without adding much to it. For me, I have no sympathy for a character who can't help himself. If I'm given no reason to root for him, I won't. I realize that that's the point to this movie. That doesn't mean I have to like it.


Elephant in the Room: If he landed the plane with minimal casualties but was drunk at the time, is that still okay? That's a great question to ask.Several times, the movie asks that question but it never looks to address the answer. In that way, I felt cheated. It spends so much time tearing the character apart, that it doesn't bother to answer the question central to the movie. While I think there's a way to do this that turns on the audience to ask their opinion, this was not made to do that.

To Sum Things Up:
I thought this was a damn intriguing idea for a movie. Everyone in this movie removed all trace of vanity to play their parts and I applaud them for that. In the end, I found this to be all warm-up and never putting on the show it promised. This was so devoid of conviction that I left the theater really disappointed. It was made well enough, that I wouldn't recommend against it, but it certainly left me wanting more in all the wrong ways.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

DVR Purge 10/28-11/3

Sandy + Halloween made this a really odd week for catching up on TV. With all the preemptions I kept finding myself with nothing to do at times when I normally watch stuff. It gave me a chance to get through some backlog DVDs and missed episodes from weeks past, so it wasn't all bad.

This did give me a chance to do some sort of a Weekly Spotlight though. This time, I dig into Modern Family, one of the most persistently frustrating and potentially best shows on TV.

The Walking Dead "Walk With Me"
I wish I cared more about Andrea and her partner more. I probably would've like this episode a lot more. I get that the Governor is leading to something, probably something big, but episode was reminiscent to that half season on Lost on the other island. Sure there's an interesting villain, but I want to see all the characters I care about, like Glenn and Daryl, and what they're up to. I do like that they went ahead and split the stories up by week. I just don't think there was enough story this week to do it.

Homeland "Q&A"
I'm sorry, but watching the acting in this series puts any other show to shame. That interrogation was so phenomenal. This episode reminds me of the cabin getaway last season on that it hit reset on the whole series and took away all the questions of who knows what. From here, it's all about how the characters react to what happens next. This is so thrilling. I just wish the Dana story was going in a non-Landry, Season 2 direction.

How I Met Your Mother "Hurricane Sandy"
CBS tried to trick me by swapping in a rerun at the last second. Fuck Sandy!

Ben & Kate "Scaredy Kate"
This isn't a show that wants to do anything new and I don't mind. I think it's my new The Middle in that way, but I like the characters more at this point. I find myself enjoying BJ and Tommy more than the eponymous characters.

Happy Endings "Sabado Freegante"
I could've watched the pinata sequence for 30 minutes, easy. Each combination of characters was great this week. The car buying story was full of amazing verbal and sight gags. Alex and Dave aren't always my favorite pairing but throwing Rachel Harris in the mix created a special alchemy. Let's be honest, any week when Brad and Max are the "weak" story is a good sign.

New Girl "Halloween"
I think this was the most laugh-out-loud funny episode I remember since they introduced "True American". Schmidt trying to headbutt Robby and repeatedly being blocked. Nick screaming in the haunted house. Winston mistaking an LAPD cop for being a costume. Nick punching Jess and being attacked by the monsters. This was jam-packed with gems.

The Mindy Project "Halloween"
There is such a great sense of Mindy Kaling's voice in this (understandably). This show still isn't where it needs to be but it's well on it's way. Going into this year, I was very worried about what I would do when NBC Thursday is completely decimated. Fox Tuesdays are gearing up to fill that void with Mindy leading the way...perhaps I'm too excited by how much I enjoy this show.

Don't Trust the Bitch in Apt. 23 "Love and Monsters..."
Ugh. This episode almost single-handedly convinced me to drop my series recording. I didn't hate it, per se. It's more accurate to say it invoked an aggressive apathy in me. This is not a great meta show beyond it having the Beek from the Creek, so the Ramantic Comedy stuff largely fell flat and I'm very bothered by their attempts at edgy jokes that aren't allowed to go in for the kill. Giving it a few more weeks though because I like Dreama Walker.


Go On "Hurricane Sandy"
Seriously, this Hurricane is driving me insane. If I wasn't behind on TV all week because of Halloween movies and missed broadcasts from the week before, I'd be really pissed.

30 Rock "There's No I in America"
Certainly enough individual gags to make it time well spent. Jack's attack ad was great and the debate was predictably enjoyable. I wasn't all that high on the Pete back story but that has more to do with irritation by all the people who were sincerely optimistic back in '08 than any weakness in the writing. I'll be happy when this detour into politics is over and we move back into the final season arc. Side note: Is it sad that last night's surprise, barely announced move to replace Animal Practice had season-high ratings?

Modern Family "Yard Sale"
How do you fix the issue of having a cartoonishly gay character that has been turned into a walking punchline? If you are the writers of Modern Family, you add another gay character that is even more cartoonish in order to make the regular cast member seem tame by comparison. For me this resulted in hating both Cam and Alex's not gay but totally gay but they leave it vague to keep him around for future cheap jokes boyfriend Michael. This show is beginning to insult my intelligence.

Suburgatory "Ryan's Song"
Based on other reviews of this show I've read, I think I'm supposed to like Ryan more. I don't. He has a couple good jokes, but the character is normally too much for me. Overall, the show has switched from an exaggerated town full of exaggerated people to being about a bunch of characters with enormously exaggerated personalities. I like the move toward fleshing them out. I just hope they don't stop here. There's still too much Tessa and George being the only sane people. I'm fine letting them get a little more weird as long as the other characters get a little more human.

Nashville "We Live In Two Different Worlds"
I'd call this the first episode that completely fell flat for me. I don't buy Juliette having som much trouble with this nail polish thing. Up to this point, she has had a sociopathic ability to compartmentalize and do whatever it takes to get ahead. While I can see her making these mistakes, I don't for a second believe she would be so unaware of what it's doing to her career. I'm also waiting for the Scarlett story to take an even slightly unexpected turn.

The Big Bang Theory "The Extract Obliteration"
A pretty self contained episode, which makes it hard to say much about it. Funny enough, I suppose. The writers just can't help but let their worst instincts come out though. These characters either have extreme reverence of Stephen Hawking or they constantly tell the lamest jokes imaginable about him. Doing both doesn't make much sense to me. This strikes me as the writers doing what they did at the beginning of the series: write about a bunch of geeks by making fun of them and not even trying that hard to do it.

It's Always Sunny in Philidelphia "Charlie and Dee Find Love"
I think a symptom of a show that's been on this long is that every episode is going to feel familiar, like they've do it before, although different enough to not be rehashing. It's that which really tests a shows mettle. Sunny passes the test in my book, although I can't say I loved the episode. A more absurd end to the "Dinner For Schmucks" plot would've been nicer (Mac getting rich of the insider trading advice would've given them an arc to work though for a couple episodes). Charlie going back to the waitress is the ending that has to happen, but again, it feels like their could've been a bigger reveal. And, is it just me, or has the waitress gotten more attractive as the series continues?

The League "The Breastalyzer"
Alright, Rafi quota has been met. I realize that the gross-out humor is one of the marquees of the show, but it's not what I enjoy it for. I'd rather have four or more of them, sitting in a room, riffing on any topic, like the breast-feeding conversation this week. I think that's when the show is at it's strongest. Call me old fashioned, but I find actual jokes, not squirm-inducing acts funny.

Why I Watch it: Modern Family

My dreams of doing a weekly spotlight have been killed by sheer laziness. Might as well take another stab at it with a different angle. I constantly ask myself why I watch certain shows or for the better shows, why I love certain shows. Rarely do I stop to think examine it at all. I figure I should start with the biggest mystery of all: Modern Family.

Why I'm Watching It:
Season 1
Back in '09, this show was a breath of fresh air. It took the old, tired family sit-com formula and found a way to make it really dynamic. The "Modern" in the title felt accurate and it could contend with the best comedies on TV. The episode structure was the familiar "build to a big payoff" that I've seen before but it had a heart to it and didn't sacrifice characters to fit a joke. It can still be that show.

Luke
Originally the biggest afterthought of the sizable cast, Luke is probably my favorite part of any episode these days. Manny was the most ready-made kid at the start and has stalled since. Luke has steadily improved each season transitioning from a dunce to the most conniving and self-aware character.

The Emmys and The RatingsFor how much TV I watch, especially comedies, if a show keeps winning awards and getting these ratings on a major network, I have no excuse to not be aware of it and prepared to explain how "no, it hasn't gotten better" and "yes, it has a lot of issues, such as...". If it was a show that I never liked, I wouldn't continue with it, but I did like it and could again. No point in stopping now just because it's hit a two-season rough patch.

Jay
They've never had trouble writing the curmudgeon. Honestly, once a character like Jay is calibrated right, it's hard to get him wrong. Ed O'neill is such a pro that it's utterly ridiculous that he's the least awarded of any of the adult cast simply because he makes it look so damn easy. Most of his funniest lines are accomplished with the subtlest or simplest delivery of anyone, normally to devastating effect. Look no further than the recent "Yard Sale" episode. All he had to do was be tired of people and he was the most effective of anyone.

HaleyShe's pretty. Judge me if you want. She's also potentially got one of the more interesting story lines going if they would ever use her with more than a webcam.

Why I Wish I Wasn't: 
The Writing
I'm not against writing for a big payoff. Some of my favorite shows did it. Coupling had a mastery of it. Malcolm in the Middle is a top three show all time on my list and lived and died by playing toward a big laugh at the end. Arrested Development had plenty of that (although comparing anything to that level of complexity and detail is unfair). Modern Family even did it well for a while. The "Pilot" is one of the best examples of it. These days, every story I imagine begins with the joke and convolutes to make it work, even if it means tearing apart the humanity of a character (more on that further down). I'm tired of all the site gags ("We Love the F Word", stuffed animals mounting one another on the roof of the car, etc.) and voice-over endings to try to tie things together no matter how ill-fitting they are.

Cam
Remember when one facet of Cam's personality was how over the top he was? Remember when not every single thing about him was a gay stereotype? Remember when the writing for Cam couldn't be given to a female actress and hardly lose a beat? I barely do. They had him fairly figured out early on, but as often happens with the biggest personality(s) on a show they started writing him for the big moments forgetting that they worked because of the contrast. In season one, Cam could walk into a room and not be the focal point. With the exception of rare stories like him teaching Manny how to play ball in the S2 finale, he is nothing but Jack McFarland with a husband. I thought we were past that.

Phil
He was my favorite part of season 1. I liked that he was a nerdy guy, trying to be a good dad, not shying away from his eccentricities. Those eccentricities are all he is not. It's to the point that when he has a serious scene it's jarring. Again I look to this week's "Yard Sale". The "127 Hours" bit was choreographed to have him cut off his pant leg and ad-lib those confessionals. If the pant leg was the only thing holding him, why not take off his jeans? If the character isn't written like a human, I don't see the point.

Claire
Do her and Phil even like each other? She's nothing more than a mean mom with one or two broad. slapstick comedic showcases each season. I've liked Julie Bowen since Happy Gilmore, so it saddens me that whatever Claire is doing any week is something I don't look forward to. And, I should mention now, none of these issues are with the actors themselves. They are all immensely talented. You can only rise above the writing so much though.

Mitchell
Do him and Cam even like each other? I remember when he and Cam acted like friends, real partners. Now, it's like they've given up and accepted that there doomed to stay with the other because of the kid (who is awful in every way. Sorry). While this may be more true to life, it is really irritating to see for a couple who used to be enjoyable together. It's hard to say anything about Mitchell along because he is swallowed up in every scene by Cam and the only thing able to peek out is his cattiness.


Verdict:
I'm not about to stop watching now. At any moment it could turn into the series I liked and there are always enough flashes of it to keep hoping. As long as it keeps getting these great ratings and all these awards and features amazing comedic talents like this, I'll be sticking around, even if it's mostly to point out what it's doing wrong: a position I hate to be in.

Rant About Growing a Beard

One of my favorite all-time past times is beard growing. It literally requires nothing from me. In fact, it gives me one less thing to do each day, and, in my case, within a week, every schmuck I see comments on the beard like it's some miraculous thing. There's about a two week period there where life is perfect. I get carded less. Cold winds don't seem so bad. People are even more likely to loan me their truck. It's beautiful.

And, I know, this isn't for everyone. Some people god never intended to have a beard. It grows like Cliff Clavin's wolfman beard or Joe Dirt. Other people have that forever 14 facial hair. I'm not one of them apparently. I have more hair than I know what to do with and it's pretty irritating.

As for my narrative, it all changes that first morning after the honeymoon period. I take my shower, think to myself, "should I shampoo my beard? It's getting a little big." I brush this off, but then comes those two inevitable words that mean its all over. Some witty prick comes up to me and addresses me as Grizzly Adams. I'm done then. I know I don't have the discipline to ZZ Top this thing so I have to fucking groom this thing. I don't want to groom it. The only reason I put up with this itchy patch of man-fur is because it requires nothing out of me. I might as well just shave it off if I'm going to otherwise take the time to trim it.

Sidenote: Who gave Grizzly Adams a monopoly on having a beard? Couldn't it be off season Santa or something? History is filled with great beards. Are we so stupid or lazy as a people that Grizzly Adams is the only reference we're expected to get? Most people don't even know who he is past the beard.*

* Fun fact: He's a real guy, not just from an NBC show in the 70s.

The next day, I stand there with my shaving utensils. Moment of truth. I have all this equipment for trimming because I am a man and men buy shit for beard trimming. So I start the trimming with all these covers and caps on it that give me no sense of the resulting beard length, not that I even know what beard length I'd want. And I don't know about you, but trimming when I do it is 1 part getting no hairs at all and 1 part accidentally taking out big chunks out of it, which makes me question why the fucking trimmer covers are there since they don't even work.

And, it always ends the same way. I forget to charge the damn beard trimmer, so the battery runs out. I grab a normal shaver and shave until it's all gone. Actually, it isn't that simple. The normal shaver isn't charged either, so I  spend an hour shaving and charging in chunks until it's all gone. No. It's not all gone. I missed that one hair on my chin. That's gonna bother me. Best do one more run though. Several more run-throughs later I'm certain of one thing: "Never again"!

... until 10 months later, I'm on vacation, forget to shave the whole time and decide, "It couldn't hurt."