Delayed Reaction: The Smurfs

The Pitch: Live action Smurfs. We wanted to call it "Smurfs Take on Manhattan" but the Muppets already took the title.

How I Came Into It: I've already seen the sequel and couldn't imagine the tone would be much different. I assumed this would be a slightly better distillation of the Smurfs than that sequel was.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) It's sort of fun to see Hank Azaria completely disappear into a zany role and become the biggest cartoon in the movie, despite going up against actual cartoons. I'm happy to invite NPH and Jayma Mays into my movies in leading roles that (so far) don't come along very often for them.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: It's just too smurf-in' meta. Trying to explain Smurfs in a real world setting like Manhattan (why does it always have to be Manhattan?) is such lunacy that it loses me. That's such an easy juxtaposition.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Madea's Family Reunion

Other Delayed Reactions


The Pitch: Remember Diary of a Mad Black Woman? It's basically that.

How I Came Into It: I'm a long time hater of the Tyler Perry movies. It once was a blind hate. It's slowly becoming an educated distaste. For some reason, I thought this movie came much later in his filmography.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) I'm getting used to the Tyler Perry oeuvre and the more comfortable with it, the easier his movies are to watch. I can see why Perry enjoys playing Madea so much. She's a fun character, even when she seems to exist only on the fringes like in this.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: Just because I'm comfortable with Perry's movies doesn't mean I like them any more than I did before. As opposed to the more recent Madea movies, the comedy is not as prevalent and the melodrama is cranked up. What was that speech at the reunion all about? Like, it was a fine, if not cheesy, message, but it came out of nowhere. And I felt sorry for Lisa Arrindell Anderson having to try to reel in her big reveal about her mother allowing her to be raped by her stepfather. That is played in such a big way that there's no way to not overdo it. It feels uncomfortably emotionally manipulative. This is basically the movie I was thinking of all the years when I assumed that I wouldn't like Tyler Perry movies.

Verdict (?): Strongly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: High School Musical 3: Senior Year

The Pitch: One more time. This time, in theaters.

How I Came Into It: High School Musical and its sequel are the pinnacle of what a Disney Channel movie can be. Its popularity was through the roof. The cast was young, pretty, and talented. It didn't have to target anyone other than the core network demographic, and anyone else that came to it was just gravy. It is really damn near impossible to take something from TV and make it work on the big screen and using the original cast is even harder (only Star Trek comes to mind as doing it successfully). After watching Neighbors again, I decided it was as good a time as any to have a "remember your roots" moment for Zach Efron and finally get around to this (I should've had a "look what she became" moment with Vanessa Hudgens and rewatched Spring Breakers, but alas, I did not).

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) It's delightfully what it is. The cast can all sing and dance. There's a good energy to it all and it doesn't overstay its welcome with the length. The fact that they got the whole cast back is either a testament to the eagerness of the cast or the air tight litigiousness of Disney (probably the latter).

Why I Wish I Hadn't: When your interpretation of high school makes Saved By the Bell look edgy, it's hard to take you seriously. That's forgivable though, because it's the nature of the series. No, the biggest thing working against this is that no matter how hard they try, this is a TV movie. As big as they try to make the numbers, it still feels bound by the small screen. I can't find anything cinematic about the whole affair. That makes for an awkward tone. And the songs aren't as catchy.

Verdict (?): Strongly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Beaches

The Pitch: It must have been cold there in my shadow, to never have sunlight on your face. You were content to let me shine, that's your way. You always walked a step behind.

How I Came Into It: So I was the one with all the glory, while you were the one with all the strength. A beautiful face without a name for so long. A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) Did you ever know that you're my hero, and everything I would like to be? I can fly higher than an eagle, 'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: FLY, FLY FLY HIGH AGAINST THE SKY, SO HIGH I ALMOST TOUCH THE SKY. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK GOD FOR YOU, THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS*

*They sure did like to cry in the late 80s, didn't they? This was a fine movie. Sure, it meandered in a couple places and couldn't've been more obviously designed to ruin a box of tissues, but Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey play every beat believably. Having just watched The Mirror Has Two Faces, I'm even more acutely aware that in my book Midler > Streisand.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Spawn

The Pitch: Might as well get full cultural saturation with the Spawn brand.

How I Came Into It: Visually, I'm familiar with Spawn. I always thought the character looked cool. I've never heard a positive thing said about this movie, so I can't say I came into this favorably. In terms of what it was about though, I was a blank slate.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) It's an interesting idea and I got the feeling that a lot was lost by watching a version edited for TV. With a director that I knew better or a cast that I trusted, I'd wonder if this was trying to be tongue and cheek.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: No, I think this movie took itself fairly seriously, other than John Leguezamo who is playing perhaps the toughest villain to pull off in the last two decades. Seriously, was the direction just "you do what you want with that character. We'll play around you."? The effects do not age well at all either. This looks like a B-movie and everyone in it acts like they are in one. Again, I admit that this would benefit more than most movies with an unedited viewing, but even its potential ceiling isn't high enough to bother.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: The Interpreter

The Pitch: Let's play a game called "how many languages can an audience casually detect and understand?".

How I Came Into It: Gun to my head, if you asked me what the difference was between this or The Negotiator or Derail before I saw this, I couldn't tell you (Wait, so none of them had Julia Roberts? Oh, that was The Pelican Brief). This belongs to a genre that only differentiates itself in the extreme outliers.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) It kept me guessing until the end, and that would be an ideal blurb for the back of the DVD. In that sense, mission accomplished. Both Nicole Kidman and Sean Penn are good enough actors to make it work and all look believable.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: Part of why it kept me guessing is because it kept me disinterested. She overhears a plot to assassinate some guy. No one believes her, and then they do, and then they don't trust her, and then they do, and then she turns out to be up to something herself, and then they forgive her. And that's dropping a few of the beats along the way. It's terribly familiar stuff to anyone who is a fan of this kind of movie.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Set It Off

The Pitch: Lady bank robbers from the 'hood. What can go wrong?

How I Came Into It: I like the idea of doing an action movie with four black female leads and can't think of anything close to that in another movie. I went into this just liking it for that and hoping that it wouldn't be something like Waiting to Exhale, which I saw recently felt completely disconnected from.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) The leads are all solid. Each of them has a story that plausibly leads them to robbing banks, and the actually robberies, especially when they go wrong are well shot. John C. McGinley makes the most of the thankless role of "white cop adversary", humanizing him as much as possible.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: It sure takes a while to get going. I appreciate that they want to make sure we fully understand where each character is coming from, but there had to be a more efficient way to do it. I could've gone without the entire Blair Underwood subplot too, but that's just me. Ultimately, this feels a little dated, but not much differently than, say, Heat or Thelma & Louise, which isn't all bad.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Tower Heist

The Pitch: A movie about the struggle of the 99% and if you need it to be any more obvious, it'll be in a tower where the 1% lives at the top.

How I Came Into It: This is Ben Stiller's Mystery Men formula applied to Ocean's Eleven, which sounded very sloppy when I heard about it. I make no effort hiding my disdain for the evil businessman presentation in movies. At this point especially, it is very lazy and it tends to ignore the motivations of these characters and makes for very binary villains. It's what makes someone like a Jack Donaghey a revelation (You know, shading). Needless to say, I was not excited to watch this.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) If you put Ben Stiller, Eddie Murphy, Matthew Broderick, Casey Affleck, and Michael Pena in enough scenes together, you're eventually going to get something good. There's simply too much talent there, and in the case of the latter names (Pena, Affleck), underutilized talent. The movie is surprisingly subtle for a while with Alda's presentation as the villain. There were a few points when I even began to wonder if he'd been framed. Ultimately, he was a snake and by the time they removed all doubt, it was a satisfying confirmation.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I kind of hate when a movie expects me to be realistically invested in one thing (the staff losing their life savings to a greedy huckster) and suspend my disbelief in another (like they'd actually be able to keep all that stolen gold). What makes a good heist, comedy or otherwise, is that the core of the plan is clever or well-executed. This is sloppy and not nearly as fun to watch. It's a great example of what's wrong with the PG-13 rating: trying too hard to find a happy medium between adult and juvenile).

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: The Scorpion King

The Pitch: We signed The Rock for the second Mummy movie but all we really used him for was as a weird computerized scorpion. Why don't we give him his own movie?

What Took Me So Long: I looked at this as The Rock's Hercules in New York, fair or not.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) There was a time before The Rock was that guy you plug into a sequel to save a franchise (See: Fast Five, Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, G.I. Joe: Retaliation). This was his first leading role and you can see why they'd want to cast him. He's a physical specimen and a very likable guy. The former certainly is more present in this than the latter. It looks like a lot of money went toward the movie. I think that's a compliment.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: He wasn't quite polished enough when this movie came out. While he's never been known for having a lot of range as an actor, it was even more narrow in this. It's not like they cast an incredibly talented cast around him though. Michael Clarke Duncan is the best actor in it and he's mainly there because no one in Hollywood could ever find something to cast him in that fit.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: The Accidental Tourist

The Pitch: There's this book, a finalist for the Pulitzer. The narrative is pretty straight-forward. Might as well make it into a movie.

What Took Me So Long: I was confused about if this was going to be a comedy or drama and avoided it because I didn't know what I was in the mood for.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) Geena Davis, as a manic pixie dream girl before there was a name for it, is as good as I've ever seen her. It's hard not to like her in this. She almost doesn't belong next to all the subdued performances around her (but in a good way).

Why I Wish I Hadn't: Why is Geena Davis' character so drawn to William Hurt's? It's kind of the main thing driving the film and I don't get it, to the point that I wonder if I missed some key detail. He's a bit of a sad-sack loner and she comes custom built to get him out of his funk. It's a little too easy.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Safe House

The Pitch: Ryan Reynolds tries to keep Denzel Washington, a fugitive, safe nearly anywhere other than in a safe house.

How I Came Into It: This looked like a half-dozen other Denzel Washington movies, apparently, none of which I'd seen before this project of mine. I didn't even realize this one had Ryan Reynolds until it started.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) As lazy as it is at times, I like Denzel when he plays the cocky badass who knows he's the smartest person in any room. When he can do it so well, why stop? Ryan Reynolds does a good job at barely keeping it together. You don't see a lot of action movies set in South Africa (at least I don't), so that was a nice new settings to see things in.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: It does feel like I wouldn't lose much by trying to watch any other Denzel movie of its ilk, like 2 Guns, Man on Fire, or even The Book of Eli. The unremarkableness of the movie is the biggest takeaway from it.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Bridge to Terabithia

The Pitch: We want to make a movie that will send your 8 year old home crying.

How I Came Into It: I read the book in grade school and saw a play of it too. I've very familiar with it to say the least. What interested me more was seeing that it had a young Josh Hucherson and AnnaSophia Robb.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) It's a story about imagination, and that just doesn't get explored very much. That alone gave me an appreciation for the movie. The casting only looks better with time as Hucherson is kind of a big deal thanks to some movie franchise, Robb has already been the lead in her own TV show, and even little Bailee Madison keeps showing up in things (Trophy Wife chief among them).

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I know it's not what you're supposed to say, but it was kind of Jesse's fault. No, he didn't cause her to die, but had he invited her along, she'd still be alive. Trust me, I get how hard a choice it is between Zooey Deschanel and AnnaSophia Robb, especially these days, but look what happens when he chose wrong. In all seriousness though, I'm not sure they developed his crush on Ms. Edmunds enough. It kind of came out of nowhere that he'd not opt to invite Leslie to the museum and it's even more confounding because she was out manic pixie dream girl-ing the very queen pixie in Dechanel. It doesn't help that the visual effects don't hold up very well. Time is a cruel mistress in that way. Regardless, these are small gripes for a solid kids movie that offers up a good cry.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Bewitched

The Pitch: An actual witch gets cast for a Bewitched remake.

How I Came Into It: This movie is a punchline and that's all it's ever been presented to me as. I was putting off seeing this for quite a while.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) You know? It wasn't so bad. I'm always a sucker for Will Ferrell and I like when Michael Caine shows up in a movie just to have a little fun. Even Nicole Kidman played the doe-eyed witch as she needed to. For something that was so widely panned, I expected it to be a lot worse. Quite frankly, I enjoyed the absurdity of a Bewitched remake accidentally hiring a real witch.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: There's plenty of moments where it's trying to be a little too cute. It does feel like a relic of a movie too, although I'm not sure when it belongs. It's a very Nora Ephron movie in all the good and bad ways. I don't care, I kind of liked it.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Movie Reaction: Taken 3

Formula: Taken + The Fugitive - Taken

Why I Saw It: The 2015 calendar has adopted a "One on, one off" schedule for releases, so this was about all I had to choose from at my local theater.

Cast: Liam Nesson, Maggie Grace, Famke Janssen. You know the drill. Nesson has a special set of skills that make him invincible. Grace comes a little closer to being assigned an age (college-ish for the 31 year old actress). As any preview tells you, Janssen is dead and she plays it convincingly. Throw in Forrest Whitaker for some clout and way too many similar looking white guys with accents and you have a Taken movie.

Plot: Like the previous two movies, there's a kind of painful first act of character development follow by about 90 minutes of Nesson being ridiculously good at fighting, escaping, investigating, parkour, hacking, and all around not dying. Now, mind you, none of this is a bad thing. It worked well for the original Taken. It worked for The Equalizer. I can very much enjoy a movie like this, but I won't pretend that there's more to them than there is. Where the first two movies stick to the concept of someone being taken, this shifts into a straight-up manhunt. I could call it a clever inversion of the concept, but no one would believe the sincerity of that claim. It's got just enough shaky cam action to keep you interested most of the way through.

Elephant in the Room: Is it really even Taken anymore? If Taken is to be a franchise (which it shouldn't) then there needs to be a reason. Taken 2 assumed that the reason was the "taken" idea and found another loved one for Nesson to save from thugs. It had plenty of issues, but I understood why it existed as a sequel to the first movie. Taken 3 smartly moves away from the initial concept (because really, what are the odds that happens a third time to him?). Not, so smartly, they move the story from exotic European locations to Los Angeles. Basically, that means the "franchise" is Nesson's character, who I couldn't even tell you the name of without IMDB (Bryan Mills). The problem there is that he's not much of a character (more of an action delivery system). The end result is a movie that could be a stand alone, perhaps to greater effect.

To Sum Things Up:
Even if I forgive the fact that Taken 3 really shouldn't be a sequel, because it's a different thing entirely, I can't find much great to say about it. It's the story of a man who is framed for murder and responds by becoming a homeland-terrorist. Half the time it's cops, not nameless thugs he's fighting and the meticulous precision of Nesson in the original is replaced with haphazard risk-taking. The plot works only in the most basic ways, like most Luc Besson scripts these days. Perhaps I'm remembering the first movie too fondly in my comparison to this, but that only hurts Taken if that's the case. There's no pretending that this is a well done movie. It doesn't anger me the way something like Non-Stop did because it doesn't think that it's being clever. The movie knows what it is. It's just too messy and there's no goodwill left for me to pretend I enjoyed it more than I did (which was only a little).

 Verdict (?): Strongly Don't Recommend

DVR Purge: 1/22-1/25

Nothing blew me away in the past few days but just about everything had a solid outing.

Past Purges 

Backstrom "Dragon Slayer"
I don't predict that I'll be watching this again. I don't want to be negative, so let's leave it at that.

Archer "The Archer Sanction"
So...Ireland isn't an Axis power?

Parenthood "We Made It Through the Night"
I missed the precredits part of the episode thanks to some odd choices in basketball broadcasting in my area. You know, the part of the episode that sets the rest of it up? As a result, I was lost through most of the first half of it. As has been the case all season, they are still building toward that finale. The school got its goodbye this week. I feel like that was Max's final big moment. I kind of wonder if that was the functional end of the Luncheonette and Julia and Joel's dramatic arc. I mean, you don't want to over stuff the finale, right?

Saturday Night Live "Blake Shelton"
I can't tell if this week was a case of Blake Shelton being a limited performer (in this context) or simply not being available enough to do more, but it was pretty light on him. He was fine though. I'd rather move Weekend Update for a moment. I think I'm going to like Colin Jost and Michael Che as the anchors. Like any good team, they need some time to figure things out and I think they're nearly there. Their angle seems to be bringing some edge back to Weekend Update. I didn't note the exact jokes (My bad) but there were a couple times when Che or Jost didn't even seem prepared for how cutting a punchline was (his own or the other's). Jost especially takes delight in pausing for an extra beat as he revels in the audience reaction to something he said. The still have a way to go with intergrating the guests into it, but I'm optimistic.

Mulaney "Power Moves"
I still don't like this show in any traditional, figurative, objective, or surrealist sense, but this is the closest I've come to liking an episode. It might've just been the Backstreet Boys song. Who knows? RIP Mulaney.

Brooklyn Nine Nine "The Defense Rests"
While I didn't grow all that attached to her, it'll be sad to see Eva Longoria go. She fit in well. Mostly, I'm happy that the episode added a new wrinkle to Holt's rivalry with Wunch. His attempts to be childish are great, such as setting auto-correct to change her name to "butt". It's so simple, so petty, and so satisfying.

Girls "Female Author"
Let's recap:
Hannah unleashed on he entire MFA program and probably sealed her fate there.
Marnie doesn't like being someone's mistress.
Shosh turned the world's best interview into the world's worst with an effectiveness generally reserved for Hannah.
Jessa needs a friend.
Adam is being surprisingly friendly to Jessa.
Ray can't turn Marnie down forever (and who can blame him).
Elijah is great at making friends fast.
And yes, I do think that Dakota Fanning wants to be Dakota Fanning.

Looking "Looking Top to Bottom"
Patrick and Kevin's thing is going to end badly. I have a bad feeling about this. It's going too well so far. That's a bad sign. I couldn't help but notice that Ricky is still hanging around. I wonder if there's any plans for him and Augustin. I hope not, but if it's well handled, I could be swayed.

Delayed Reaction: The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause

The Pitch: Hey Tim, put on the fat suit again. Martin Short wants to turn heel.

How I Came Into It: The first movie is original and funny, worthy of being in any holiday rotation. The second movie is quite as essential. It's still kind of fun. I assumed this would have a similar drop.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) This isn't appreciably worse than the second movie. Martin Short was built to play a character as big as Jack Frost. Bringing in Alan Arkin and Jane Fonda shakes things up too. There's hints of A Christmas Carol in this that naturally works.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I just got the feeling that Disney showed up at all the actors' doors and reminded then that they signed a contract to do three of these movies and wouldn't let them out of it. This is a needless sequel, and here's the thing about Christmas movies: they don't need sequels. They either stand alone or they don't need to exist. No one is sitting down saying "Let's watch the Santa Clause trilogy" and even fewer people are picking anything but the first one when they have a spare 90 minutes.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Gone in 60 Seconds

The Pitch: So, Nic Cage just signed a contract to make a movie and all it says is "Make a movie about cars or whatever. I don't know. I trust you, whoever you are." We could just dust off an old 70s movie and include some new cars.

What Took Me So Long: I used to hate the Fast and Furious movies on principle (No, I don't know what principle it was), and this looked like a less good version of those movies.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) Believe it or not, there's three Oscar winners in this cast (Cage, Angelina Jolie, and Robert Duvall). There is some car stuff in this that, if I was more into cars, I'd be all about. Jolie in bad girl mode is not without its merits. Overall, the cast has an Ocean's Eleven-lite feel that I like.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: Within three years of being released, there were better alternatives to this in every way. The Fast and the Furious was a better car movie. Ocean's Eleven was a better heist movie. The Italian Job was a better heist movie with cars.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: In A World

The Pitch: It's about time we get a look into the cutthroat world of voice-over work.

What Took Me So Long: This was more of a simmering word-of-mouth kind of movie than a "you have to see this now" hit.

Why I Saw It: I like Lake Bell. She's kind of floated around movies and shows I've liked for the last decade and it's nice to see what she does with a more significant role (director, writer, and star covers that). The cast is a good mix of people that I like, from Demetri Martin to Ken Marino to Michaela Watkins and others. I never considered how much of a boy's club voice-over work is, so this was an interesting and funny look into that.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I wasn't crazy about the ending. It kind of snuck up on me and then it was over and I'm not totally sure what its argument was at that point. Small gripes though.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Executive Decision

The Pitch: We have Kurt Russell and Steven Seagal both signed on to do a movie. We're not sure what about exactly, but when's that ever stopped us before? A plane...thing, maybe.

What Took Me So Long: I guarantee I'd never heard of this movie before I put this list together and I'd be shocked if I ever heard about it again.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) Where else are you going to see a cast like Kurt Russell, Steven Seagal, Halle Berry, and John Leguizamo? What's that now? It's called Con Air? Oh. Well, this is still an interesting cast with far less unfortunate hair than Con Air.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: To say this movie escaped my memory would be an understatement. I lost track of it scene to scene because it was so generic by now. Find something about it that wasn't covered by Con Air, Air Force One, or Snakes on a Plane.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Weekly Basketball Picks: 1/24-1/30

How's that for a swing back week. Other than Duke completely handling Louisville (How was I supposed to see a 2-3 zone coming?), I was perfect for the week. Hopefully I can keep the momentum going  and not barrel forward too recklessly.

Record 9-1 (Overall 74-31)
Kentucky over Alabama - When Kentucky wants to play, it can be demoralizing for the other team.
Louisville over Duke - At least it wasn't Coach K's 1000th win.
Iowa St. over Kansas - The Cyclones are keeping the Big 12 title race interesting.
Arizona over Utah - Utah is a nice story but Arizona is a better team.
Notre Dame over Miami - The Hurricanes look like that team that won't make it back to the top 25 but no team wants to play.
Texas over West Virginia - Every Big 12 game is a coin flip.
Oklahoma over Oklahoma St. - Yay for picking the home team.
Kansas St. over Baylor - Yay for picking the away team.
Gonzaga over St. Mary's - I realize that I forgot to actually list a Winner here last week, but if you thought I was picking against Gonzaga, then you are very foolish.
Indiana over Maryland - The Hoosiers ARE tough to beat at home and I DON'T buy Maryland being to 15 good.

Kentucky at South Carolina (Saturday)
1) I like to talk about Kentucky. 2) It's a road game against a South Carolina team with some talent and a good coach. Kentucky should win, but those two reasons make this one worth pointing out.
Winner: Kentucky

Kansas at Texas (Saturday)
Apparently, every other game is a "put up or shut up" game for Texas. To break into the top 2 in the Big 12, you have to beat one of the top 2 in the Big 12. Texas has the ability to embarass Kansas the way Kentucky did or slow it down too much to maintain a lead the way Kentucky did against them. Either way, Kentucky would win the Big 12. That's all I'm saying.
Winner: Texas

Louisiana Lafayette at Georgia St. (Saturday)
Neither team is dominating the Sunbelt the way I thought they would. I still think it's going to come down to one of them in the NCAA tournament and whoever gets there will be on upset alert, or rather, will sound the upset alert. Much like their first meeting, I think home court is too much of an advantage to overcome.
Winner: Georgia St.

Duke v. St. Johns (Sunday)
It will be Coach K's 1000th win. Perhaps St. John's has it in them to spoil the party. That seems really doubtful though.
Winner: Duke

West Virginia at Kansas St. (Tuesday)
I'm not sure either can win the Big 12 but they could be battling for a top 3 finish (top 4 if Texas ever figures things out).
Winner: Kansas St.

Baylor at Oklahoma St. (Tuesday)
The two overachievers of the conference so far (Ok, maybe not, given their combined 5-6 record in conference play). Gathers is coming off that huge 25 & 28 game though, so that's pretty cool.
Winner: Oklahoma St.

Duke at Notre Dame (Wednesday)
I know, I know. Duke again? Well, it's a top 10 battle and there's that very slight chance that Coach K could still be searching for that 1000th win. Regardless, this is a tough stretch of games away from home for them.
Winner: Duke

Indiana at Purdue (Wednesday)
Rivalry games are hard to predict. IU is great at home (just ask Maryland) and Purdue is sort of a hot mess. IU has hot shooting guards. Purdue has unmotivated talented bigs. This'll be a fun one.
Winner: Indiana

Western Kentucky at Louisiana Tech (Thursday)
The second WKU loses, this stops being fun. For now, it's a road game for #1 against #2. I want to see how long WKU can ride this wave.
Winner: Western Kentucky

Maryland at Ohio St. (Thursday)
Trimble vs. Russell. I hope you're ready.
Winner: Maryland

Delayed Reaction: Three Fugitives

The Pitch: Nick Nolte is a bank robber who gets taken hostage during a bank robbery on the day he is let out of prison for robbing banks...Get it?

How I Came Into It: I knew Nick Nolte and Martin Short are the leads, so I had a good idea of what kind of comedic back and forth there would be. Beyond that, I saw a kid on the poster and that's about it.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) Sometimes a premise is so gloriously ridiculous that the whole movie carries the subtext of "So what? It's just a dumb comedy". This is one of those. How else do you explain the last scene of the movie? (Which, by the way got the biggest laugh of the movie from me). Notle gets to play a different shade of "annoyed guy who knows what he's doing" from the character in 48 hours. Martin Short is completely incompetent in a physical, excessive way that only he could pull off.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: Toward the middle, it did that thing that a lot of comedies do where it drops the jokes and tries to get plot-heavy. It sucked the air out of the whole thing.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Short Circuit 2

The Pitch: Look, we still aren't done counting the money from Short Circuit. Make sure Fischer Stevens can still do that horrible Indian accent. Don't worry about Ally Sheedy and Steve Guttenberg. We're going to Babe, Pig in the City this sucker: a reference that I won't know about for another decade.

How I Came Into It: I had to do a double take when I heard they made a sequel to Short Circuit. If there was ever a movie that succeeded due to alchemy that can't be reproduced, that is it.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) I kind of had to see what they would do for an encore. While nowhere near a Gremlins 2-level departure, it kind of revels in the fact that it's not doing the same thing.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I don't see how they thought there was a movie without Ally Sheedy and Steve Guttenberg. It's funny to think that Caddyshack 2 came out two weeks later making the same casting mistake.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

DVR Purge: 1/20-1/21

Caught up just in time for a little midweek purge, mostly necessitated because I went on way too long about this week's Parks and Rec.

Past Purges 

Parks and Recreation "William Henry Harrison; Ron and Leslie"
These two episodes were deemed so complimentary to one another that my DVR didn't even bother calling them two episodes, just a single hour block of TV. While they couldn't be more different as episodes they work together perfectly.
"William Henry Harrison" is a standard Parks and Rec. episode. The whole ensemble is in full swing. Donna and Tom are working on the Grizzyl project with Ron, more driven by victory than his principles. That gave us things like the "Somebody's Daughters Dancers" and Annabel Porter's beef milk. April and Andy are supposedly helping Leslie, but when does Leslie ever need help on a task like this? Really, they're looking for April's new job. This is the second episode (or maybe third. These blocks make it hard to remember) this season focusing on her looking for a job. I hope that means they are building to something great. I love the stealthy good pairing of Ben and Jerry Gerry Larry Terry (I give up). When was the last time Jim O'heir got to riff like he did in the car?
It is worth noting that Harrison is the first thing in a while that they've focused on as a sort of public shame that's an Indiana thing, not a made-up Pawnee thing. I don't have much else to say about that, other than it led to the "If he's worn a coat" room, so I approve of it.
That was all preamble though to the one line that matters: "You're not that good at scrapbooking." That's when you know there's a problem. The rift between Leslie and Ron has gone too far, something must be done, and that something is a bottle episode.
I'm still digesting "Ron and Leslie" but I can safely say this: I'm looking for a space for it in my top ten list. Ron and Leslie are the backbone of the series and their relationship second only to Jack and Liz's on 30 Rock. This was as lovely an episode for the two of them as I could ever hope for. The Morningstar explanation was perfectly fitting. Both characters went from blindly stubborn to similarly at fault to making up beautifully. Them cleaning the office to Woody Nelson's "Buddy" was the closest I came to tearing up since Ann and Chris left. And, the end, with them going to JJ's Diner, again bonding over a love of breakfast food is one of the best endings to an episode on a show that's pretty damn great at ending episodes.
I didn't even get to the jokes. Only two characters should be limiting, but when those two actors are Amy Poehler and Nick Offerman, it's not. Ron covered in Post It notes, Leslie revealing that she caused the temporary shut down of Food n' Stuff, Leslie making up the lyrics to "We Didn't Start the Fire (I need to see EVERY outtake of that), and of course, the claymore. Oh, and the saxophone fart. So much funny!
I am so excited to see what they have in store next for what has been so far a superb victory lap final season.

Cougar Town "To Find a Friend"
Recording problems. I assume it was filled with new baby hijinks though and, is Bobby already gone?

Arrow "Left Behind"
It's just so hard to get worked up about Oliver being dead when you know he's not. Emily Bett Rickards did a great job selling it though. I am enjoying seeing how the group tries to manage without the Arrow before he returns.

Delayed Reaction: The Rocketeer

The Pitch: Look, there's money in these super hero movies, I guess. Just look at Superman and Batman. We gave Marvel a fair shot with Howard the Duck but I don't see anyone being able to turn a profit with one of their characters. What we need, is a Dark Horse candidate. Let's try this old timey looking rocket guy. How can that miss?

How I Came Into It: I've only heard good things about The Rocketeer. Everyone seems to agree that it was ahead of its time and the world wasn't ready for non-Time Burton superhero movies yet.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) The cast is made up of people that nearly are comic book characters in their own right. Billy Campbell is a generic, classic superhero type, Superman without a cape. Jennifer Connelly is the girl next door who is too attractive to have ever lived next door to you in real life. Timothy Dalton is a skeevy debonair guy. Paul Sorvino looks fresh out of any mobster movie. The casting did nearly all the work to begin with. Add that to a script that is completely earnest and you have a winning formula.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: Well, it's a nice movie. That doesn't mean I don't understand why it tends to be overlooked. I don't care when this movie opened, it was never going to blow up. It's a throwback in its very nature. By the time even the original comic of this came out (1982) people responded to more conflicted heroes in their movies and superheroes had to be super conflicted. While there's always fun to be had beating some Nazis, I fully understand why this movie is a footnote, not a building block.


Verdict (?): Strongly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Fahrenheit 9/11

The Pitch: I really hate George Bush. I don't think it would be very hard to make him look bad.

What Took Me So Long: This was pretty much Zeitgeist: The Movie and I didn't even want to see it then.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) Would you believe that until The Hunger Games, this was Lionsgate's highest grossing movie? That's unbelievable. The further removed from the Bush administration we are, the harder it is to remember how much people hated him.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: It's like getting into an argument with a drunk guy who really knows his stuff. There's a lot of angles to attacking the Bush presidency and Michael Moore chooses all of them and not in a particularly disciplined fashion. Bush is both a complete idiot and also masterminding the manipulation of the American people. The people fighting in Iraq are both honorable kids who's lives are being senselessly lost and murderous savages listening to death metal as they mow down defenseless Iraqis. I think I get annoyed whenever I'm watching something where the conclusion was written first, then the research was done. Clearly Michael Moore hated Bush before he was even elected. He didn't go into this thinking "let's look at the Bush presidency" or "why did we get into the war?" or "how has the world changed since 9/11?". The only question is "how can I make Bush look bad?", which isn't all that interesting, no matter how correct it may be.

Verdict (?): Strongly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: The Horse Whisperer

The Pitch: A woman tries to fix her life, her daughter, and her marriage, by fixing her horse.

What Took Me So Long: Look at that title. It's too laughable to take seriously.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) It's technically well made. There's a young Scarlett Johansson which is nice. I tend to forget that she was a child actor and think her career started with her butt shot in Lost in Translation...Um, there's some nature...and I mentioned Scar-Jo, right?

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I'm not sure where I am with Robert Redford as a director. I liked Quiz Show. I hated A River Runs Through It. I hated this movie too. That's 2-1 against him and I don't have the highest of hopes for the Legend of Baggar Vance or Lions for Lambs. Back to the point though, this was a lifeless movie that somehow stretched to nearly 3 hours. I've accepted that slow-paced romances set in the country or the wilderness (Bridges of Madison County, Out of Africa) are not aligned to my preferences. I do my best to be open-minded when watching movies, but if they can't sustain my interest while watching, there's not much hope for them. Also, it took way too long for me to realize that I wasn't watching Black Beauty. That's on me though.

Verdict (?): Strongly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Spy Kids

The Pitch: It's in the title. I think the only other thing in the pitch might've been "let's make them somewhat Latino" although I'm pretty sure  Robert Rodriguez made the pitch, so that much could've been assumed, given his collaborators.

What Took Me So Long: I worked backwards through the series for some reason and it was for the best, because that way they got better as I kept going.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) It's a family movie that doesn't make me feel stupid for watching it. Alexa Vega and Daryl Sabara are solid child leads and Rodriguez smartly filled the world with seasoned pros like Antonio Banderas, Carla Gugino, Alan Cumming, and Tony Shalhoub. If I was the right age when this one came out, then I wouldn't be embarrassed to have liked it.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: Then again, I wasn't the right age, so it's not like it's become an instant favorite. It's also hard for me to separate it from the awful sequels that followed. If striking this movie from the record means there never would've been a Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over, I'd happily dispose of it.


Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Hocus Pocus

The Pitch: Three sister witches. New England setting. Talking cats. Curses. Flying vacuums...Disney!

What Took Me So Long: I guarantee that I saw this when I was young, but I have no recollection of it at all.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) This is a fun movie. Bette Middler, Kathy Najimy, and Sarah Jessica Parker are all having a blast with the roles. Parker in particular impressed me with all the small quirks of her character. It's kind of hard to believe that Thora Birch was only six years away from her work in American Beauty. Puberty is quite a thing. 

Why I Wish I Hadn't: This is clearly in the category of movies that I needed to appreciate before I was twelve to fully appreciate it now. I liked it even though I don't now have the desire to watch it every October or stop on it whenever I'm flipping through the channels*.

*To be fair, I don't know the last time I "flipped through the channels". That's not how I watch TV anymore.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

DVR Purge: 1/13-1/19

PARKS AND REC IS BACK!!!

Past Purges 

Parks and Recreation "2017;Ron and Jammy"
It's back. It's back! IT'S BACK! IT'S BACK!!! Oh, how I've missed Parks and Rec. The only downside is that I won't have it for much longer.
So far, the time jump has been a complete success. Last season's finale tied everything up so well, that the three years of off-camera character growth has given them plenty of new material.
Ron and Leslie are at odds over something called Morningstar. It makes me sad to see them as enemies, but it was always an inevitability. Ben is still happily and successfully the City Manager. Tom's Bistro is a complete success and I couldn't be happier that they are bringing back Natalie Morales (regardless of how contrived). April and Andy have become a boring married couple and are now determined to put an end to that (Lucky for the viewers!). Donna's getting married. Jerry is Terry. Craig is apparently MIA. I'll have to come up with a more effective way to cover these blocked episodes, but for now, I'll just stick with saying that this was excellent and a perfect reminder of why this is one of my all-time favorites.

New Girl "Coming Out"
The joke machine wasn't working as well as it has been other times this week. Jess and Ryan coming out as a couple ended exactly how I expected (claims of favoritism, followed by over correcting, then saying "I'm being objective, dammit"). That wasn't very dense with jokes. I didn't find Schmidt's reactions to his ulcer as funny as I was meant to. I like a lot of the stuff with Nick and Tran's granddaughter simply because the lazier Nick is, the funnier he is. I completely missed what I was supposed to enjoy about Winston and the crystal. Just 'crazy Winston' I guess. Coach being jealous of Ryan's attention was simple but effective.

The Mindy Project "San Francisco Bae"
I really want Mindy back in New York. Don't get me wrong. Guest star Lee Pace was funny and got a lot of great lines ("We should go. She won the secret hunger games we billionaires have.") to go along with all the good ones Mindy already gets ("I have a billionaire's sense of entitlement."). I simply have far less interest in the regular cast without her. She's one of the more vital leads of any comedy on TV.

Cougar Town "Full Grown Boy"
What's the point of Cougar Town without Bobby Cobb? I'm only accepting it because this is already the last season and the baby related humor of the next few episodes should be entertaining enough. No more Bobby is a big hit though.

The Middle "A Quarry Story"
This was a weird little episode. Frankie's back at the car dealership. Axl is being helpful. Sue is throwing a party and getting in trouble. Brick pretending to be a game show host felt like a note card from an idea board the writers finally got to use. None of these things were bad. Mike and Sue stories are always good. They just about exhausted the jokes to be had from the broken sink, so it was time for that to go. A solid and unspectacular episode.

Modern Family "Big Guns"
Does it make me a bad person that the only parts of the episode that I found funny were the parts when Lily pranked Cam? There are episodes in which I couldn't relate more to Mitchell if I tried.

Blackish "Martin Luther sKiing Day"
Look, I like the idea of Dre looking for racism in his very pampered life and failing. The execution was all off though. He was annoying and little else. I liked Bow acting as the counter-parent for this. That was fun. Dre though. So annoying.

A to Z "L is for Likability"
Did they change the length of the relationship in the opening credits? I thought it was originally 7 months and this week it was 5.

Parenthood "Let's Go Home"
With only two episodes left everything now is build up for the finale and I'm cool with that. Drew and Zeek have become one of the emotional cornerstones of the series somehow and get a good talk. Sarah and Hank get engaged. Joel and Julia get back together. As I said last week, I'd rather have a satisfying ending than a surprising one, so I'm fine if these episodes have the feeling of checking off items on a list.

Archer "Three to Tango"
I've lost track of all the recurring characters on Archer. I don't remember Conway Stern at all, but thankfully they got the point across that he was the one who literally stabbed Archer in the back.

Girl Meets World "Girl Meets the Master Plan"
Don't tease me. How much Shawn are we getting? He doesn't seem to be going away and I'm at nostalgia overload. I don't care if the under 20 crowd is lost by it. Make all the references to Sean looking through a girl's purse that you want.

Saturday Night Live "Kevin Hart; Sia"
Let's see, we got five good minutes of Kevin Hart standup (I love when comedians host), Kate McKinnon dusting off her Justin Bieber impression, a near breakdown when the monitor broke for the Instagram sketch, and some overall irritation over Selma not getting more Oscar love. In short, it had a little bit of everything that I needed.

Mulaney "French Roast"
Football cutoff a big chunk of the show and it's telling that Fox didn't even bother catching people up. On the plus side, that meant there was much less episode for me to watch. Series hate-watching nearly complete.

Girls "Triggering"
Hannah's not going to survive Iowa. She has one day of having her shit together before falling back in to old habits. She handled the criticism of her work about as well as I expected. Her cockiness going into it made the evisceration satisfying and her insisting that the one classmate had been abused made it oddly funnier.
I love that Hannah comes in thinking that she has some special understanding of the world that the others don't, like how she adds the preface before reading her work or tells the undergrad girl "It's just, I've seen a lot of things. I'm 25 years old." (perhaps the most Hannah thing she's ever said). She and Elijah really do just have their way with that party. I was also happy that her bike did get stolen. I worried that the show would try to paint the Midwest as too nice of a place (coastal bias and all), so that was a good reminder that it's not.

Looking "Looking for Results"
Oh Patrick, you're such a hot mess of anxiety. I think my favorite parts of the episode were him dealing with the health care professionals. Otherwise, this was a pretty serious episode, with Augustin spiralling a little more out of control, leading to an uncomfortable reunion of Patrick and Richie. I wonder if that was a one-off appearance of Richie or if they plan to keep him around in some capacity. Patrick's affair can't have a long shelf life, so we'll see where things are heading next.

Gotham "What the Little Bird Told Him"
A lot of relationship drama going on this week. Falcone learns about Eliza (RIP) working for Fish, just as it's becoming apparent that she kind of likes him. Edward fails to woo Ms. Kringle. Jim and Lee lock lips (It felt a little abrupt, sure, but c'mon, it's Morena Baccarin. How long do you need to be enchanted?). We'll see what the rest of the mod fallout is next week.

Scorpion "Forget Me Nots"
Gee, I sure hope that Sunday night's episode wasn't important or anything since football messed up the recording. Harumph! This is why I avoid Sunday CBS shows.
This episode was fine and all. They inch ever closer to Walter and Paige getting together. It was a great showcase for how all the individual genius can be used as a team (the scene when they get the top secret information out of the unsuspecting agent for instance). What I really want to talk about though is the beginning. Law and Order has the opening scene for a procedural down to an art form. Scorpion tried to mimic that opening with the guys discussing if something the guy did was cheating, but it wasn't right. It needed more broad character generalization. Where was the dog that got off its leash or the elderly woman nagging her husband, worried that she'll be late for the gala? Where was the joke that gets abruptly cut off before the punchline? There wasn't a single street vendor or homeless man to be found. Step up your game, Scorpion.

Delayed Reaction: Trick r' Treat

The Pitch: A interconnected horror anthology about a small town on Halloween.

What Took Me So Long: I kept wanting to save it for Halloween, then it would get too hard to find for Halloween.

Why I Saw It: Horror anthology is rapidly becoming one of my favorite sub genres and this movie is a great example why. There's a nice variety of stories and none of them overstay their welcome. They are all loosely connected so that if feels of one piece without being so intricate that it's hard to follow. No one actor/actress is bigger than the rest of the movie, although there's enough familiar faces that it doesn't try to convince me that it's all real.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I need to see this again, because I'm certain that it will only be tighter the second time around. Right now, it feels imperfect in a lot of ways that could be fixed by catching more by watching again. I'd definitely call it "fun horror", not "scary horror". I didn't really know which I was watching originally.

Verdict (?): Strongly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Bad Grandpa

The Pitch: You know what Jackass was missing? A story line.

What Took Me So Long: This crosses what I call the Sacha Baron Cohen Threshold.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) I've had a long history of shifting opinions of the Jackass series and I've settled on liking it because it's a bunch of guys playing pranks on one another (not on strangers). What they will do to themselves is unbelievable and Bad Grandpa continues in that tradition. I appreciate that they are trying to grow the form too by adding a narrative to all the stunts.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I flat out hate prank humor like this. It's nothing more than laughing at people who don't know any better. It's the difference between signing a waiver before and after. I'd own up to it if I laughed at anything in the movie, but I didn't at all. This rubbed me in every kind of wrong way.

Verdict (?): Strongly Don't Recommend

Movie Reaction: American Sniper

Formula: Enemy at the Gates / The Hurt Locker

Why I Saw It: It looked like it was going to be a mega hit and I had to understand why.

Cast: Bradley Cooper does a great Chris Kyle impersonation. No, sorry. That had attitude. I'm unfairly associating his Oscar nomination with Jake Gyllenhaal's lack of one. Cooper is good in this and gives as much depth to the character as the script will allow. Sienna Miller is one of those actresses I have a hard time remembering and I'm not sure that will change after this. All the military guys are played by "that one guy from that show". People like Jake McDorman and Sam Jaeger have the right square-jawed look for this.

Plot: Chris Kyle (Cooper) is a cowboy who decides to join the military a little latter in life after news of a terrorist attack inspires him. Shortly after that, 9/11 happens, then the Iraq War. He gets deployed and quickly distinguishes himself as a sniper, getting the nickname "The Legend". The movie oscillates between his tours of duty and his inability to find peace while at home. There's an enemy sniper who acts as his Moriarty in order to give the plot some sort of direction. Back at home, his wife struggles with him being gone, and he always feels like he should go back to Iraq where he can do more. In other words, it hits all the beats you need it to. I think Clint Eastwood really respects Chris Kyle's patriotism and wants to honor that, which he does. I do think the movie lacks a message though. Kyle was a damn good soldier, he loves America, and he gets purpose out of protecting his brothers. Other than informing the audience that this man existed and turning his accomplishments into the beats of a Hollywood movie, I don't understand why this needed to be made. I'd even go as far as to say that his death probably motivated the movie being made even though it has NOTHING to do with the movie.

Elephant in the Room: They didn't use real babies, did they? Good god, no they didn't and it shows. I noticed the use of dolls more than once, but there's a particular scene, sadly one of the most dramatic, in which the fake baby is distracting. I thought it was just me noticing it until I heard giggles from other corners of the movie theater. Had that scene gone on any longer, I'm pretty sure the whole theater would've broken out in laughter. I don't remember the last time a single thing took me out of a movie so completely.

To Sum Things Up:
This movie is a little too "America: fuck yeah!" for my tastes. Kyle's entire motivation seems to be "America, because America". I have no idea why he feels that way or what maintains it for him. He just decides to be a Seal and that's it. I'm scared to even look up the accuracy of the movie because it is aggressively arranged to play like a movie. The dialogue, more in the beginning, and especially when he first meets his wife is back and forth, trading lines that could only exist in a movie. The villains are painfully thin and it over-relies on the audience saying, "well, we're at war with them so they must be bad"...
...Sorry. After a $90 million weekend, this is going to be my big "I just don't understand why it's so popular" movie of the year, so I'm already trying too hard to knock it down. It's a good movie. Cooper does a great job recreating Chris Kyle. The war scenes are very effective and there's a lot of moments of genuine tension. Almost immediately, it's clear that they aren't about holding any punches regarding what he has to do in Iraq (Think: the trailer for the movie). There's clearly an audience for it and they aren't wrong to like it. I'm going to get exhausted battling all the hyperbole about it though. I can already tell.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend