Formula: Spider-Man (2002) - Spider-Man (the character)
The thing about Madame Web is that it's kind of fun. It's not successful at what it's doing. It has oodles or squandered potential. It makes baffling decisions that surely stemmed from Sony not understanding what the movie is. But, it's kind of fun. I hate using phrases like "so bad it's good", so I'll say that most movies that get as much wrong as it does are not nearly as watchable.
This movie is a prequel to a movie that will never be made in an extended universe that doesn't really exist. Dakota Johnson plays Cassie, a FDNY ambulance worker. She's an orphan who lost her mom in childbirth while hunting a rare spider in Peru. After a near-death experience, Cassie starts seeing visions of the future which leads her to saving three teens played by Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, and Celeste O'Connor from a many with superpowers who is trying to kill them. There's a whole reason and it actually ties to Cassie's mother 30 years ago. I'd get into the details, but that would pressure me into making an "intricate web" pun.
A lot of the reasons why this movie is getting so panned or mocked is how entirely unsubtle it is about everything. Cassie is a co-worker and friend of Ben Parker (Adam Scott) who is about to be an uncle. The movie is set in 2003, maybe 15 or 16 years before Captain America: Civil War. At one point a character references a connection between having power and responsibility. If you don't see all the things I'm hinting at, then congratulations tuning out the last 20 years of Marvel movies. Even the dialogue that does directly relate to a certain webslinger is so obvious that I can't tell if they were actively trying for camp in the movie.
It's interesting the movie is set in 2003, because it really would fit better had it been made in 2003. It's from that era of superhero movies. You know, the age when the X-Men weren't allowed to wear their traditional costumes because execs were afraid of scaring off all the normal people. The time when directors like Sam Rami and Ang Lee got to experiment with styles to literalize the comic book feel. Madame Web was made to be in theaters at the same time as Daredevil. Frankly, all of those movies had some groaner comic book references like Madame Web, but it was before 20 years of inundation to the point where even casual movie-goers can pick up on them.
Had Madame Web leaned completely into that, it would've been great. Watching a movie that they made pretending it was 2003. The problem is, it's made by 2024 studio executives with 2024 intentions. So, Madame Web is made like a first installment. It prepares an audience for a lot of really cool things to come. It does this because every superhero movie has to be a launchpad for an extended universe. It used to be that a superhero movie was made as though they might not be able to make another. They'd get to all the best ideas right away. They are in costumes in a half hour. The marquee villain shows up. We get the big fight. Unfortunately, no one gets a costume in Madame Web except in visions of a cooler future. It takes half the movie for Cassie to begin to get a grasp on her powers.
It's a shame, because you know what movie I'd really like to see? A movie where Dakota Johnson leads a team of Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, and Celeste O'Connor doing badass superhero stuff, delivering cheesy one-liners and not worrying about how it might affect a Spider-Man shared cinematic universe that can't really exist in the MCU anyway for contractual reasons.
I love the cast though and it's competently made. Like, I see where the budget went. I hope some people find a way to enjoy it. If nothing else, I hope films like this and Morbius (which is so clearly worse than Madame Web) convince Sony to just think one movie at a time with these.
Verdict: Weakly Don't Recommend
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