Delayed Reaction: The Country Bears

Premise: After finding out he's adopted, a young bear boy decides to put the classic band, The Country Bears back together.

 

I tend to forget that Disney's desire to turn all their park attractions into movies didn't start with Pirates of the Caribbean. The made a TV movie about the Tower of Terror in the 90s. The flop Mission to Mars from 2000 was based on an extinct attraction. While The Haunted Mansion was released after Pirates, filming had already wrapped before Pirates was released. Then there's The Country Bears which came out the year before Pirates. Pirates wasn't some grand experiment they took a chance on. It was part of a larger attempt to leverage park nostalgia for box office success. We tend to forget about all this because The Curse of the Black Pearl was such a resounding success and, to date, the only success story from this strategy.

 

It's not really a surprise either. Mission to Mars is technically based on a ride, but it was generic in every way. I have to be reminded that it's based on a ride and not just a 5 years late attempt to capitalize on the success of Apollo 13. The Haunted Mansion is a woeful misunderstanding of the property. It overplayed the silliness and ignores the fact that the ride is beloved because it actually is creepy. Why was that movie PG? I honestly think the willingness to go for a PG-13 rating on the Pirates movies is a lot of the key to their success.

 

Side Note: For the record, I love Tomorrowland, which came out over a decade later. I don't have it in me to eulogize that movie again, but you can track some of Disney's mistakes with that pretty easily as well.

 

The Country Bears has many factors working against it. The Country Bear Jamboree isn't in the top 10 Disney attractions that should get a movie*. People just don't have that kind of affection for it (except the Japanese park, where it's apparently quite popular). The great sin of the movie though it that it doesn't commit to the bit. Far too much of the movie is spent undercutting itself. Look at something like The Muppets. That's a similar story and spends as much time poking fun everything, but that never does it at the expense of the story...Or maybe the jokes are just funnier. I could be overthinking this.

 

*Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, Expedition Everest, Pirates of the Caribbean, The Haunted Mansion, Jungle Cruise, Space Mountain/Tomorrowland in General, The Matterhorn, Test Track, Kali River Rapids, any of the Animal Kingdom Nature Trails, Tower of Terror, Enchanted Tiki Room. I'd make movies for all of these first, and I could keep going.

 

Then there's the fact that they didn't call in nearly enough favors. Part of why The Blues Brothers and The Muppets work so well is that there's a feeling that everyone wanted to be in them. All the cameos increase the appearance of quality. Tell me this movie wouldn't be better if they got a Shania Twain performance as opposed to someone named Krystal. I'm sorry, but getting the likes of Sir Elton John, Queen Latifah, and Willie Nelson (the most game cameos in the business) isn't going to wow anyone.

 

I shouldn't belabor this anymore. This movie isn't very good. It's not even that charming. The cast isn't impressive. It barely captures the spirit of the park attraction. There's just nothing to justify its existence.

 

At least the movie is not very long.

 

Verdict: Strongly Don't Recommend