Delayed Reaction: Robots

The Pitch: You know how people talk about people being cogs in one big machine? What if we make it really subtle and make them robots.

What Took Me So Long: I thought for a long time that this was a lame duck Disney Animation production. It turns out that it is from the Ice Age people with Fox. Makes more sense that way.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) Mostly, it is funny for an animated movie. There's something so fun about when animators and writers have an idea that they seem excited about exploring as fully as possible. This movie is packed with small jokes that are all wordplay (the baby being delivered, for instance). None of it should be examined too closely, nor is it intended to be.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: There's a lot of very universal messages that a movie can have that could never be called political. This is one that's less far removed. Perhaps if I agreed with the angle, I'd be more favorable about the movie. I've grown tired of people doing "big business is evil" metaphors. I won't disagree that absolute power can corrupt absolutely. Whenever movies go after that though, they always make this assumption that big businesses are big because they are big and always will be and there's nothing anyone can do if they force you to do something. To bring it back to this movie, it makes no sense that only one company can supply replacement parts and upgrades. That killed my investment in the plot. I'll stop there, because it's no fun to listen to me ranting about philosophy regarding what's probably a smaller part of the plot than I thought it was.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: 8 Mile

The Pitch: Eminem, in a movie, rapping. Do we even need a plot?

What Took Me So Long: I spent a long time hating Eminem. I've finally reached a place where I understand what people like about him and accept what he is.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) This proves that Marshall Mathers can act. He has a limited range I'm sure. He doesn't seem to be in a hurry to test his range either. For this spiritual biography of his life, he is equipped with exactly what he needs. The biggest thing that struck me about this was where it stops. The freestyle rapping is certainly the selling point to the movie but it's not as heavy as I'd expected. And, the story being told is not a big one. He becomes king of a Detroit rap club/society/whatever and walks away from it. That's the climax. Honestly, with a song as big a "Lose Yourself" attached to it, I expected something that went bigger and was pleased that it didn't.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: While I appreciated that restraint, to make it as compelling, a stronger lead may have been better. Yes, I know I'm being contradictory by saying that. This is the difference between playing a character well, which Eminem does, and playing a character well enough to elevate the material, which it's not unreasonable to say he couldn't do. All in all, the movie is interesting enough. It kept my attention. It didn't engage me. When the climax happened, there was a moment when I thought, "oh, that's it?".

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Prince Avalanche

The Pitch: "Life is a high-Way. I wannna ride it. All. Night. Long!"

What Took Me So Long: It never sounded like the most exciting movie.

Why I Saw It: I like Paul Rudd and I'm coming to accept that I like Emile Hirsch. Considering 95% of the movie is them talking, that's a good place to start. Rudd is far less reliant on being charming which is a nice change of pace. Hirsch seems to be playing someone much younger than  he really is, which has always been the case his entire career. This was the first time I noticed it. The whole movie is the two of them painting highway lines in Texas after a fire in the 80s. I'm not sure how any of that plays into the story of the whole thing but the details do give a solid sense of time and place.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I don't get the movie in general. Especially the end. It's a very small movie and it has some things to say about relationships and all that. Hirsch's character is more frustrating than interesting. There are some fine grace notes with Rudd and it's a very sad character. I'd like to see that character in a movie that had more to do. This is certainly a case of a movie that is more short story than novel.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Baby Boom

The Pitch: Women are getting too comfortable in the workplace. Let's remind them that they still want babies.

What Took Me So Long: With a pitch like that, why wouldn't I want to see this?

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) Diane Keaton is fun. I always like her and she especially has a knack for playing rigid characters who loosen up. I quite enjoy the version of her life at the beginning. There's an absurdity to how she gets the baby and there's some good antics with it.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: Ok, I could call this Doc Hollywood with a baby and go on about the questionable stance on working women. That would be easy and almost unfair because I'm sure it took some progressive stances for when it was released or whatever. Instead, I want to harp on a single joke. There's a scene. It's a scene we've all seen dozens of times. Keaton is sitting in the park, talking to all the other mothers while the babies play on the jungle gym. Then, the topic of preschools comes up. You know the rest. There's talks of waiting lists to fancy preschool and I think they even make the joke about signing up before even getting pregnant. The argument is that you need to do this if you want the child to get into an Ivy League school...How god damn old is this joke!? And, if it is this old, why are people still using it? You are telling me that between 1987 and 2010 when Modern Family made this exact joke, there has not been a single new funny thought about preschools? It kind of blows my mind, more than it should, I'm sure. And I know, I'm attacking this movie for doing it when it was probably a newish joke then when really I need to go after every uninspired comedy writer who does it now. Sorry. Rant done.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Drinking Buddies

The Pitch: Pretty hipsters longing for one another.

What Took Me So Long: Nothing. I saw it the second I had a chance.

Why I Saw It: Anna Kendrick. Jake Johnson. Olivia Wilde. Ron Livingston. Jason Sudeikis. That's a cast that gets my attention. Johnson plays a dirtier Nick Miller. You could say that's a lack of range, but it's a largely dramatic performance which was refreshing. I sensed he had this kind of depth after Safety Not Guaranteed. I had no idea Olivia Wilde could be this good though. That was a pleasant surprise. It's a very subdued movie where none of the big moments are played that way, such as Kendrick and Livingston's kiss or Wilde getting in bed with Johnson. It's a sad movie but an honest one.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: 'Hipster' is a bit rough. Working at an independent brewery doesn't help the argument though. I'd say my only problem with it is my problem with a lot of indie movies. It's more or a snapshot that a story. My cousin once described it as being like watching a short story rather than a novel. I liked it for what it is and I think the ending is the best one possible for what the movie was trying to say. Still, there's a part of me that says, "yeah, and?". I'm glad to have seen it, although unless I find myself in this same situation and need a way to cope, I can't say I have any plans to go back and watch this again.

Verdict (?): Strongly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Shark Tale

The Pitch: It'll be like Nemo's cool older brother.

What Took Me So Long: This looked like a lazy Nemo rip off.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) I liked Finding Nemo. Using the theory that something half as good as that is still pretty good, I rolled the dice on this one. It's a weirdly impressive voice cast. Dreamworks always seems more concerned with attaching famous faces to the voices. Martin Scorsese seems like an odd coup, for example. He does a lot  in front of the cameo. Normally small parts and often as himself. I wonder if they only thought to get him after deciding that the sharks would be thinly disguised Italian mafiosos.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I'm not sure what the lesson learned in this movie is supposed to be. It sort of has a message about being true to yourself and not letting fame get to your head. It isn't a strong message or presented in a valuable way. That leaves this movie as a collection of jokes. There's the other problem: the difference between universally funny and telling a lot of kind of jokes. The best movies, obviously, go for universal laughs. Pixar, Disney, and certain Dreamworks movies like How to Train Your Dragon are great at that. This seems to follow the Shrek model of throwing as many jokes, some for kids, some for adults, some for head trauma patients and hope that enough of them work. It works great in Shrek (the earlier movies, at least). This is an example of the formula failing. Who are we kidding though, the biggest issue with this movie is that it isn't Finding Nemo. Plain and simple.*

*By deduction, does that mean Will Smith is a poor man's Albert Brooks? This is leading down a very dark rabbit hole, er, minnow hole.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Con Air

The Pitch: Convicts on a plan. Let me repeat: Convicts! On a plane!

What Took Me So Long: Nic Cage with flowing long hair and a bunch of cartoon villains. What's not to love?^

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) I'm always for a good, fun, big action movie. It's one of those movies that thinks it can pull off a line like "With your military skills, you are considered a deadly weapon" in a legal proceeding. I assumed this would be completely over the top, and still, I underestimated it. I was surprised to see the director of this followed it with The General's Daughter which is My Dinner with Andre by comparison.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: When a movie is this over the top, I appreciate a little more winking to the camera. Simon West also directed The Expendables 2 which, while not a "good" movie, understood what it was a lot better. The group of cons basically come straight out of Arkham Asylum they are so over the top. Everything is played straight though. A slightly different tone and I'd've liked this significantly more.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: The Great Outdoors

The Pitch: Dan Aykroyd and John Candy are funny doing outdoor-sy things.

What Took Me So Long: These aren't two actors who I've worked hard to get through their catalogs and this is not one that is usually mentioned for either.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) I can't place how this is different than Grown Ups, but it is, and I liked it better. I think it was the anarchy of it all. Both movies are essentially a collection of short films about families doing stuff outdoors, but Grown Ups ends each story with a life lesson (Ex. "Oh, we shouldn't make fun of Rob Schneider's old wife"). The Great Outdoors doesn't do that as much. And, don't let me forget the raccoons with subtitles. Check and mate!

Why I Wish I Hadn't: While most of the movie is chuckle-worthy, I only actually laughed once or twice. For a movie that exists to get a lot of laughs, that's a little disappointing.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: The Ghost & The Darkness

The Pitch: Let's make an exciting version of Out of Africa that isn't so concerned with people falling in love.

What Took Me So Long: I'm not sure anything in Hollywood has ever gotten a movie set in Africa right. It always comes off as a little exploitative and takes a simplistic view of the culture.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) So, Val Kilmer is a man who loves Africa and wants to build a bridge. Naturally, Lions want to kill him...I think I missed the part early on when they explain what he did to get "The Ghost & The Darkness" (which is as cool a name for lions as I've ever heard) after him, but I assume it was something that had to do with African Voodoo and all that. The movie is exciting enough. After The Lion King, someone really needed to knock lions down a few pegs and this was the movie for it.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I can't take Michael Douglas dressed like this seriously. Is he actually designed to look like safari hunters from that time? Whatever. That's a stupid gripe. I've been oscillating between loving and hating the dream scene when Simba took down Emily Mortimer. My first impulse was laughter when I saw it. That can't be a good thing.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Green Lantern

The Pitch: Seriously guys, we've got to find something other than Batman and Superman that we can make into a movie!

What Took Me So Long: Budget bombs scare me. What I mean is, when a movie is only considered a "bomb" because it cost so much to make (this made $100+ million in the box office, after all) that the studio couldn't recoup the costs, I worry.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) I knew it couldn't be as bad as the pop culture jabs made it sound. I'd say the biggest thing working against it is the number of miscalculations in it. The cast looks like a superhero cast. I've always thought that Ryan Reynolds would make a great super hero. He's got snark, charm, and the body for one. Blake Lively may not have range, but she fits the bill as someone who's looks and job title don't quite match up. There's end of the world stuff happening, an origin story, self-aware jokes about the ridiculousness of superheroes. Everything is technically there.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: But, as I said it's the miscalculations that ruin it. The biggest one being that they tried to make a Marvel movie. Something you can always say about Batman and Superman movies is that they can never be confused with Marvel. They have very different looks and styles. Also, Green Latern is a tough sell. What works for him in the comics (I assume, having never read the comics) look stupid in the movie. Like, what was that helicopter on a Hot Wheels track? I know it was supposed to show his lack of understanding of his powers but instead of funny, it looked cheesy. It also doesn't help that Hector is the least intimidating villain I think I've ever seen. And, can we please retire the "being human perceived as a weakness and then revealed as a strength" trope? I don't care who started it. It needs to stop.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend