Person 1: "The first xXx needed
more."
Person 2: "More what?"
Person 1: "Exactly!"
I haven't studied
much about film criticism. That's partly due to laziness. A lot of it though is
that I'm really afraid of losing the fun of movies. It's sad reading reviews
where the person gets so bogged down in the technical elements that they forget
to talk about if they actually liked the movie or not. One thing has stuck with
me from another review I read though. The reviewer was explaining how he graded
movies and he pointed out that his grade was how well the movie succeeded at
what it was trying to do or be. It wasn't a grade of how much he liked the
movie. That was a great reminder that not every movie is for me and not every
movie is trying to be great. Sometimes, movies want to be big and stupid and
there's nothing wrong with that.
Case in point: xXx:
Return of Xander Cage. This is not by any measure a "good" movie.
It doesn't make much sense. It's ridiculous from beginning to end. It's
basically The Expendables told through Vin Deisel's ego. And I'm OK with
that. The movie is hilariously built for international profits. It starts with
Augustus Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson) recruiting real life Footballer Neymar.
Xander's crew has people from the U.S., the U.K., China, India, and Australia.
The fact that it has a knockout like Nina Dobrev as the clumsy tech expert
really sets the tone too. I believe Kris Wu's Nicks' value to the team is
stated as "he knows how to have a good time" or something like that.
Ruby Rose is introduced straight-up executing lion poachers. This plays into
everything its critics think about it and embraces it. I couldn't resist
letting out a cheer when Ice Cube shows up, as silly as that was.
This movie doesn't
work if it takes itself at all seriously. Even when, on paper, they are saying
something serious, Vin Deisel is grinning at the camera. Part of the reason
people roll their eyes at the Fast and Furious movies is that they play
everything straight. xXx is the Fast and Furious' id made into a
feature film. Everyone is playing into the joke and taking that job seriously.
I didn't get much
out of this movie. It's not my taste. I would exchange some explosions for more
clever qips. The only reason I bothered to watch this was that I had so much
fun tracking Nina Dobrev and Ruby Rose's prank war on instragram while filming
this that I wanted to see if any of it translated to the film. Also, it's super
easy to leave this on in the background while doing something else.
Return of Xander
Cage is exactly what it promises to be. I can't defend it with any sort of
critical eye. It's not a disciplined movie. It's not trying to secretly be
better than it is, like, say Dorm Daze. There's
no ambition to this movie. I don't even think it's a Vin Deisel ego trip
(although he gets the full Wesley Snipe treatment throughout). It's a dumb
action movie. Don't overthink it.
Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend
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