Delayed Reaction: The Day the Earth Stood Still

The Pitch: Remember that great 50s movie that had a lot of great social commentary? Let's remake that with a blockbuster budge but change the plot significantly enough for that to make sense.

What Took Me So Long: I have never heard a positive thing said about this movie other than "it really made me appreciate the original."

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) I suppose there is a way to rejigger this movie so that it works similar to something like War of the Worlds and no doubt, that was the thinking behind this. I kept wanting this to get better because I like Jennifer Connely...and that's about it.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: Soooooooooo boring. I can think of absolutely no reason why anyone thought this was a good idea beyond the brand recognition of a killer title. The anti-war message that was at the center of the original is greatly diluted and what's left is some special effects that don't even look that good. I'm even giving Keanu Reeves a pass because where was there a character for him to play?

Verdict (?): Strongly Don't Recommend

Movie Reaction: Carrie

Formula: MTV present Carrie

Why I Saw It: This is entirely due to Chloe Grace Moretz being in it.

Cast: Chloe Grace Moretz is, of course, pretty great in this. She is on the short (very short) list of actresses that age who I could see pulling off Carrie White without doing a Sissy Spacek impression. She can pull off the shyness and the rage with aplomb. Julianne Moore plays crazy but I didn't get a feeling of danger from her. Maybe they neuter her with Carrie's telekinesis too early. The actors playing Sue and Tommy are as blandly good as those playing Chris and Billy are blandly evil. Not sure if I can blame the actors on that because Gabriella Wilde has a very few moments that hint at depth. I'd also like to point out here that Judy Greer is always awesome.

Plot: You know the story. Shy girl with an overbearing mother who has some really warped religious views discovers she has telepathy around the same time that bullying happens. Teasing. Pig blood. Massacre. Source material be damned. This movie should've climaxed with the prom, and quite frankly, the prom massacre was a little underwhelming. That probably says more about my blood lust than anything though. My biggest issue was with the means justifying the end. Simply put, I don't feel that Carrie's reaction was justified by what we see happen to her before that in the movie. It's obvious that she isn't popular and the shower scene is unfortunate. Carrie assigns more of the blame for that to her mother though. I'm not sure that we see a character who has been pushed to a breaking point by the time the pig's blood happens. At the end of the day, Carrie is either a protagonist (via seeing more bullying) or the antagonist (via the direction taking less delight in cool ways to kill people and focusing of the horrific nature of what she is doing). The movie isn't served well by trying to make her both.

Elephant in the Room: This is a remake of one of the most famous horror movies of all time. That's the biggest hurdle Carrie had to get over and I don't think it did. Seriously, the prom sequence is one of the most famous, reference, spoofed, etc. in film (or horror at the very least). No one is watching this because they don't know what's going to happen next. Remember when there was that Psycho remake that everyone hated because it was a frame-by-frame recreation? The reason it didn't work had nothing to do with the craft and everything to do with there being nothing new there to justify recreating it. While Carrie isn't quite as literal a remake I don't think it hits the threshold of enough new to justify it. There's a couple plot tweaks but the main difference is that the technology is there to do the telepathy better although they go pretty effects-heavy on this, certainly reaching a point of diminishing returns.

To Sum Things Up:
I certainly wanted to like this more than I did. In a vacuum, where only this movie exists, it is fine. In a world where there is a famous adaptation 30 years before it, I can't stop myself from wondering "do we need another". And, I'm not one of those people that holds originals to be sacred. This year, I enjoyed the violent insanity of the Evil Dead remake although I liked it because it is its own movie. Maybe I'm just writing this while my wave of opinion is still crashing down and a week from not it will level out. Currently though, this is a little disappointing. For any Chloe Grace Moretz fans out there, have no fear, she delivers. It's most of the rest of the movie that gives me pause.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: The Happening

The Pitch: War of the Worlds...without the war.

What Took Me So Long: I am so done caring about M. Night Shyamalan movies.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) The build of an M. Night Shyamalan (referred to as MNS from here) has never been an issue. MNS can always raise some interesting questions and MNS can shoot it all pretty well.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: MNS hasn't had a good payoff for a movie in years before and since this movie. For someone who is so tied to having twists in his movies, that's a bad sign. Seriously, the answer to this is "It's nature so we'll never know the answer." That's bullshit. I generally like Mark Wahlberg but he is not my pick for a high school biology teacher. He has more range than people give him credit for. This wasn't right though. I haven't checked the timeline, but this movie is right at Zooey Deschanel's turning point from dark sarcastic girl to, for lack of a better word, her "adorkable" phase, and you can really see why it happened. She is so bored from beginning to end in this. Like her character, she really wants to care, but can't find any reason to.

Verdict (?): Strongly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: The Rock

The Pitch: Sean Connery and Nic Cage escapes from Alcatraz and things blow up.

What Took Me So Long: The reason I saw it is the same reason I took so long to see it: Michael Bay.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) I don't have the issue with Michael Bay that many people do. His movies have become one of those cool things to make fun of like Keanu Reeve's acting or Nickelback. There legitimacy to it, but largely, its overstated. The Rock, I think, works pretty well. It is an action movie with a pretty simple plot. It takes some very specific maneuvering to get there, but it's basically just Cage and Connery hamming it up while fighting bad guys in Alcatraz. Ed Harris also offers a more shaded villain than I expected. In general, Bay gets two things right: action and comic-relief, which is definitely the case here.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: If you've seen one Michael Bay movie, you've seen them all to some extent. While it was nice to watch this as the through-line from Bad Boys to Armageddon, it is hardly essential viewing.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Sense and Sensibility

The Pitch: It's like Pride & Prejudice but not exactly.

What Took Me So Long: I'm not the biggest Ang Lee fan or fan of Victorian literature.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) My mother and sister gush about it, which means it could really go either way for me. I am a fan of this cast though: Kate Winslet, Hugh Grant, Emma Thompson (also wrote the screenplay), Alan Rickman...no, I'm not just listing the cast the Love, Actually, although I see what you mean. I should've watched that instead.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I'm not a fan of Jane Austen in book or movie form from what I've seen/read of it. I can't fault anyone else for like this, but I was mostly disinterested throughout. If you told me something that happens in P&P or S&S and asked me to identify to which it belonged, I would score rather low. I can't fault the performances though.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Liberal Arts

The Pitch: Ted Mosby goes back to college and meets a college student who is infatuated with him.

What Took Me So Long: There wasn't a chance to see it in theaters so I had to wait for it to at least get to Showtime.

Why I Saw It: I'm intrigued by Josh Radnor. For a long time, he was the only person from HIMYM who didn't have anything else going. He's taking the indie writer/director approach and letting me know that he's not as different from Ted Mosby as one might think. Happythankyoumoreplease was a little overcrowded for my taste, so it was nice to see this one a lot more focused. Casting Elizabeth Olsen is a move. Plenty of times in the movie she convincingly played like she was older than Radnor. And, I did like the overall end message of it, I suppose.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I didn't like a lot of the characters. Radnor is pretentious beyond belief (Note: I know he was supposed to be, but fuck) and I found his moments of everyman problems annoying. Olsen is one of those 19-yo college kids who think they know everything who I hated even when I was 19. It's hard to sympathize with his dilemma of whether to sleep with a beautiful, smart college girl or not. It also seems to suffer from Small World complex like a lot of indie movies, where he keeps running in to the same small selection of people which is a little tedious in the realm of believability. I'd say this movie is good enough to make me curious to see what he does next but bad enough to leave me not wanting to watch this again.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

DVR Purge 10/9-10/15

A lot of good episodes this past week, but nothing extremely strong. Busy, but nothing special.

Past Purges

The Middle "The Potato"
Am I understanding this correctly? Brick has been taking what all sound like advanced courses and instead of talking about him skipping grades, he has to do homework from the lesser classes? I can't say I'm the biggest fan of that plot.

Back in the Game "Play Hard or Go Home"
A couple touches I appreciated: 1) When it is revealed that the Cannon is teaching Terry a lesson, he admitted that he still slept with the flemmy woman "because she was there" instead of cutting to some ridiculous scene of them pretending to make noises to trick people. 2) The Cannon does in fact take the fundraiser money. They aren't trying to make us think he has a heart of gold beneath the gruff. He's a jerk, but he is her dad and they have their own way of handling each other that generally isn't nice. The ratings seem to be strong for this. I'm really hoping it at least pulls a full season order.

Modern Family "The Late Show"
I've mentioned how I'm trying to not be so hard on this show now, right? Anyway, I am. Overall, I thought a lot of this worked. I loved everything about Phil accidentally killing the birds nest and all the  being haunted by all the bird colloquialisms. I'm not sure what the point of Claire seeing Luke's game was and why he was doing better. Struck me as a half-thought of a C-story. I'm glad they didn't shy away from
Jay beating Alex fairly. It fits him to be smarter than he lets on. I didn't love Cam and Mitchell's story. I prefer human-Cam over over-the-top Cam, but the story centered around that aspect of him, so it's hard for me to complain.

Parks & Rec. "Doppelgängers"
This is hardly a new idea for a sitcom, introducing mirror world characters. I liked the directions all of them went though. The two Rons were pretty epic being in a room together. April handled Teniffer (or however it is spelled) differently than I expected. Tom being replaced by  a machine is just plain funny (I guess Rent-a-Swag isn't full time). Donna liking her mirror is a good direction to go as well, even if the mirror is a bit broad for my taste. I understand the laws of guest starring, but it was sad not to have Kristen Bell back or the return of Parker Posey. I could've done without Lelsie's pettiness, but she is running through a phase right now. Then there's Ben and Chris. I'm pretty sure they've given that exact speech about their working dynamic before but it's always fun to see in action.

The Big Bang Theory "The Raiders Minimization"
I wonder how long the writers were holding onto this idea? I liked anything about the guys examining the plot of Raiders of the Lost Ark. I quickly tired of anything about Sheldon trying to ruin something Amy loves. The Leonard/Penny story had some good laughs. That's about all I'll say of that.

The Crazy Ones "Bad Dad"
I'm really uncertain what the takeaway from this episode is. It gets a little dark in showing how poor of a father Simon was/is but also comes to an "it's all fine now" conclusion. This show doesn't look like one that will function best going dark, so I like that they veered away, but it offers a curious direction this show can go. Overall good work from Robin and SMG (who was far less of a buzzkill this week). James Wolk is definitely my surprise favorite so far. He's not playing a particularly unique character, but he is playing it well and has chemistry with everyone. BTW, more Kelly Clarkson, please.

The Michael J. Fox Show "Teamates"
I could really do without the workplace stuff. I don't find it anywhere near as interesting as what happens on the home front. The aunt is coming into focus a little although I can't shake the Jenna from 30 Rock comparison after I saw that pointed out. While I am fully enjoying the show, I do think it is a show that is already plateauing. I don't see this being functionally different by March than it is now. And, there's room in the world for consistency.

Parenthood "Nipple Confusion"
With a cast this big, I sort of need a structure like bullet points to talk about it.
-Zeek and Camille: Sorry. I don't care. Sell the house or don't and move on. Debating bores me.
-Adam and Kristina: I don't think there was really a resolution here. Adam just made a 180. That's about it. It was a nice gesture though.
-Julia and Joel: They seem to be setting up for something. Hopefully this rift isn't too annoying when it fully happens.
-Crosby and Jasmine: Babies suck. Am I right?
-Drew: I'm a little disappointed he didn't fight his own battle. I hope there's some comeuppance for that. As it is, he keeps getting in good with girls that are disproportionately more attractive than him (perhaps this is jealousy speaking).
-Sarah: I'm glad someone addressed that it's hard to take her seriously. Also, I'm up for anything that keeps Hank around.

SNL "Bruce Willis/Katy Perry"
I don't know why, but I didn't care much for Willis hosting. I like him and when I go over the show in my mind, I have to say, he was game for anything, but it didn't feel right. I wasn't a fan of a lot of the sketches although I do think the performers did a great job. I don't think anyone was "phoning it in".

The Walking Dead "30 Days Without an Accident"
I don't know what the general consensus is on this episode but I really liked it. The walkers are still very much a threat but the mood isn't so dour amongst the lead characters. I like all the smiling. These people seem like friends or at least people who can enjoy having a good time. Obviously, the show will need some conflict soon, but I like that it begins with everyone taking a step back to reflect on how things are after this time jump. It never did occur to me what would happen if someone dies at night without warning. ****'s gonna go down next week.

HIMYM "The Poker Game"
Come on. I'm really trying to not be that guy who wines about every episode, but they are killing me with all these wedding weekend episodes. This episode had some HIMYM staples like multiple perspectives of the same flashback and callbacks like Marshall's wedding hair. The wedding weekend is starting to feel claustrophobic now. I'd like some time away from it, preferably with the GOD DAMN mother. I'm hoping that all these early episodes are just filler for a strong closing arch that will have all the marquee moments fans have been waiting 8+ years to see...no matter how doubtful I am they they could pull that off.

SHIELD "Eye Spy"
Baseball-related delay.

Brooklyn Nine Nine "The Vulture"
The cast is starting to gel. I like that they are continuing to separate Holt and Peralta. It has been to the benefit of the show. Dean Winters was a great bit of casting as the Vulture and made it easy to get Peralta and the rest of the squad against him. I will say, the detective work follows the Monk-level of viability. That screw-driver is hardly enough evidence to convict, but for a comedy, that suffices as good police-work.

New Girl "The Box"
As with most of this season, I enjoyed plenty of individual jokes (Jake Johnson riffing is always funny) but the plot did little for me. I don't get what was going on with Schmidt. It must've been funnier in planning than in execution. I get that Nick is irresponsible, but the denseness of it was a bit much.

The Mindy Project "Weiner Night"
Thank you Mindy for standing up for smart people who like stupid things.  Granted, her level is a little lower on the "cultured" scale than my tastes, but I appreciate the stance regardless (and seriously, why ARE people being so hard on Katy Perry?). I have a little trouble buying the new romance though. It's great that the guy recognizes that he was being a prick, but even before that, there was very little chemistry between Mindy and Ginsberg. I can't wait for Adam Pally to get a 2 or 3 dimensional character.

Trophy Wife "The Breakup"
Baseball-related delay.

Delayed Reaction: Knowing

The Pitch: It's like the opposite of Signs, still with aliens though.

What Took Me So Long: I didn't know Rose Byrne was in it.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) It turns out that Rose Byrne is in it, which helps. The fun part of any apocalyptic movie like this is how it builds the mystery. Everything with the rocks. The codex the insane little girl made of all the tragedies. Decoding said codex. Building the suspense of that was fun enough.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: The less fun part of any apocalyptic movie like this is how it pays off the build. Any good mystery needs a good answer to feel worth it. This didn't really have that. The ways that everything ties together is sloppy. Do the aliens cause the solar flair that destroys the earth? Why do they want to save human-kind? Why do they choose Nic Cage and Rose Byrne's children? Why does Byrne have to die a good deal before the end but I'm still with Cage until nearly the last frame? What's with the rocks? How did Byrne's mom know about all this? I'm sure a lot of these were answered, but obviously not very well since I don't remember the answers. Any answers that were given where the kind where the question came first and an answer was made that fit it. Generally speaking, having the answer first though makes a much more solid story. It hurts to say, but I can't even blame Nic Cage for what doesn't work in this.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Movie Reaction: Machete Kills

Formula: Machete (I'm guessing) + Smokin' Aces

Why I Saw It: I'm a sucker for stunt casting.

Cast: There's a lot of them, because, as I said, stunt casting. All this movie does for Danny Trejo is remind me that he is not a lead actor (no offense to him). Enough about him though. Jessica Alba is basically a cameo, which was sad. Lady Gaga is fun and that's about all I can say there. Sofia Vergara is another looney flavor in the movie, basically serving as a breast alternative to Rose McGowan in Grindhouse. Alexa Vega is present enough to remind me that she has grown up a lot since Spy Kids. As usual, Amber Heard is there to be extremely attractive. Michelle Rodriguez reprises (I'm guessing) her eye patched role from the first movie. Charlie Sheen - excuse me - Carlos Estevez is playing POTUS. That should sum up the whole thing. You also have Vanessa Hudgens, Mel Gibson, Demian Bichir, Antonio Banderas, Cuba Gooding Jr, and Walton Goggins are all in it to some capacity as well. This all goes to show that Robert Rodriguez has a lot of friends.

Plot: I cannot stress enough how much this reminded me of Smoking Aces with a hint of any movie in which a bomb threatens Washington DC. The chameleon characters in both movies are nearly identical. The bounty on the titular character's head is a catalyst for both. Even the screen debuts of Gaga and Alicia Keys are reminiscent. If not for Machete's extreme lack of budget and cartoonish violence, I would call it a lazy rip-off. The parts that don't mirror Aces, however, are what really brings it down.

Elephant in the Room: Is there anything good about this movie? That depends of what you call good. I laughed a good deal throughout this and it is intended to be laughed at. I also certainly enjoyed all the T&A although I can get that from the internet, so that isn't enough to justify spending money on a ticket. The existence of the movie is where most of the humor comes from so that will dictate your mileage. There is no humor generated by anything more than "look how much we aren't trying to make this look good".

To Sum Things Up:
I've seen it once and that's enough. It is rightfully bombing in the theaters. I found it to a be a good deal longer than it needed to be. Good movies I let carry on. Bad movies, I follow the Tommy Wiseau principal: a second longer than 90 minutes is like pulling teeth.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Movie Reaction: Captain Phillips

Formula: Zero Dark Thirty at sea (?)

Why I Saw It: Almost entirely because this looked like a good Tom Hanks movie.

Cast: You've got Tom Hanks, then a bunch of guys whose names I can't pronounce or simply don't know. So, let's start with Hanks. I've been hearing a ton of accolades about his performance in this. I wasn't that impressed until the last half hour or so. In fact, the most impressive scene of his comes after the climax. The first-timers, Barkhad Abdi and the others playing the pirates hold their own. Everyone else is a "hey, it's that guy from that one thing" actor. Most of them don't show up until midway through or disappear then, so there's little attachment. In the end, Tom Hanks is the captain of this ship.

Plot: You could check out the Wikipedia page or recall the news from 4 years ago but who can remember that far back. The movie follows Phillips from boarding the ship, the pirates taking the ship, and the ensuing hostage situation. Despite knowing things like, you know how all of it plays out, this is still a very tense movie. I'm reminded a lot of how Argo handle the tension, building the moments even when the broad strokes are known. The attempts to overtake the ship are fascinating seeing both the offensive and defensive methods used (amazing how all you need is a gun and a ladder to take a boat that big). Frankly, I was amazed how nervous I was for every character in the climactic scene of the movie. One thing I would like to note that didn't work: the opening scene of Phillips and his wife, played by Catherine Keener. What was that? I'd been prepared for it, so maybe I was gunning for it to begin with but that is such a pointless scene and conversation. There has to be an easier way to establish that he has a family and doesn't like to leave them. Once that scene is out of the way though, it is all solid.

Elephant in the Room: Is this really an awards contender? This is one of the things that's been bothering me about this movie. Beyond Tom Hanks, where is the awards pedigree for this? And, it's not like Tom Hanks has been at the Meryl Streep level of getting a nomination every time he is in something (Last nomination: Cast Away in 2001). Paul Greengrass may be respected as a director but never an awarded one. This definitely fits the bill as a thriller. I'd put it in the Zero Dark Thirty category as far as awards go. Well reviewed. Technically impressive. Held up by a single powerhouse performance. Of what I've seen in this young season, Hanks' is certainly my favorite lead male performance in a movie. Not sure if that is likely to stay though.

To Sum Things Up:
Enough about awards though. This is a well-made movie that exceeds the expectations I had for it. You've got a veteran actor at the helm with really interesting debut performances. It is grounded yet exciting. It is as long as it needs to be and kind in its depiction of all perspectives (specifically, the pirates have an understood motivation). Being in the orbit of the Gravity behemoth, I don't think it will get the attention it deserves, but looking opening weekend box office numbers it is still doing fine.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend