Superhero movie discourse is getting more exhausting every year. We’re deep into this. They been around for decades. Even the MCU, which started the current era of the superhero movie, is 14 years in now. There are so many of these movies that it takes more and more to make them stand out. Naturally, people give the films shorter leashes and make faster judgments. The MCU delivers projects of consistent quality so often that the perfectly fine Eternals had a wave of criticism that led to it being the first Certified Rotten MCU movie. It wasn’t actually the worst MCU movie. When they all start to feel the same though, average starts to look bad. It reminds me of when I watched Must Love Dogs a few years ago. It’s a perfectly enjoyable RomCom that delivered exactly what I wanted. It’s 37% on RottenTomatoes, and the tone of the reviews were more exhaustion than disapproval. People were tired of RomComs, not disapproving of Must Love Dogs in particular. That’s happening more often with the superhero movies. This makes it especially hard to tell the difference between the dreadful ones and the unremarkable ones. At this point, for many, they yield the same gut response.
Morbius is not good. I wanted it to be good. After hearing about the bad reviews, my contrarian brain kicked in and wanted to have the dissenting review. I wanted to feel about it the way I did the Eternals, which I insist was a victim of MCU burnout. I’ll admit, Morbius did have some things working against it. I’m not crazy about Sony’s backdoor attempt at an extended Spider-Man-less Spider-Man universe. Jared Leto is an actor I have no affection for. Perhaps my contrarian brain wasn’t driving the bus as much as it could’ve been. Morbius just isn’t good though.
For those unfamiliar, it’s the story of Dr. Michael Morbius. He’s a brilliant scientist with a blood disease that has left him weak and on crutches for his whole life. His goal in life is to find a cure for him and others with diseases like his. He tries an experiment with bats. I forget the reason. Something vaguely science-y about bats drinking blood and being able to process it. Anyway, an experiment that he tries on himself goes wrong. He’s a vampire now. Well, kind of. He drinks blood now, and when he’s full-on blood, he’s super strong and has powers like flying and eco-location. Don’t think too hard about it. When he’s low on blood, he’s back to being weak. Also, he can lose control when he’s full vampire. He has a rich friend with the same disease as him. The movie needs a villain. I’ll let you do the math.
Look, some movies are bread movies and some are wine movies. Wine movies age well over time. The longer they sit with you, the more you appreciate them. Bread movies are fine at first but start to mold once you give them a few days. Morbius is a bread movie. Coming out of the theater, I was unimpressed but unfazed. I didn’t care for the movie but it was more “meh” than “yuck”. Any time I try and think about it though, the less I like it.
What’s tough about Morbius is that it’s hard to point to big things beyond Jared Leto. Most of the problems are a collection of details that build up. Leto isn’t great. He’s not very charismatic in this. And he can be charismatic. I may not love his roles in House of Gucci, The Little Things, or Suicide Squad, but charisma wasn’t the problem there. In Morbius, he’s just boring. The movie gives me no reason to want to follow this character around. This is a tough role to cast, but Leto in particular is a bad choice. He was 47 when they filmed this. He still looks early 30s though. He’s 11 years older than Matt Smith who already looks young for his age. Leto is the definition of good genes. It breaks my brain thinking about how this sickly character scared of dying really young has five years on the guy playing Doctor Strange.
As I said, it’s a collection of petty details that all add up. Dr. Morbius turns down a Nobel prize because he says his work isn’t done. That’s a weird detail. He created artificial blood that saved millions. Take the prize and keep working. It’s not like the Nobel Prize requires retirement. I get that this is a PG-13 movie but they badly need a better way to have him drink blood than out of blood bags. It looks like he’s eagerly finishing a Capri Sun every time. Why do his blackouts only seem to happen at times that keep the screenplay most interesting? I’d love to know where Matt Smith’s character’s money came from. I assume it’s not family money, since he wouldn’t’ve been sent away to that hospital as a child if that was the case. It seems like he’s living a carefree existence as an adult though. And is “the Vampire Killer” really the best name they could come up with? It doesn’t feel cohesive as a thought through movie. “The Vampire Killer” really gets me for some reason. It’s so lazy. That’s a first draft name. It’s not even something they repeat later. It could’ve been cut out.
The supporting cast isn’t well used either. Matt Smith is too thinly written to be interesting. Perhaps right after Doctor Who, giving him a heel turn would’ve been remarkable, but I’ve seen it before in Last Night in Soho and Terminator Genisys. Adria Arjorna might supplant Rachel McAdams as the most underused Marvel love interest. I’ll be honest, I thought she was Eliza Gonzalez until the end credits. She and Leto have very little chemistry, professional or romantic. Jared Harris is in the movie. I fully believe they cast him because most people with expect him to turn into the villain by the end. The two agents investigating Morbius’ behavior are played by Tyrese Gibson and Al Madrigal who don’t work as a duo either. Their performances are in different movies.
It’s hard to find much in the movie that’s above average. I appreciate how these Sony movies are staying short. This and the Venoms have been under 2 hours. Until the closing credits, Morbius feels like a movie and not an installment. There’s a throwback feel to the movie. It felt more like the original X-Men or the Sam Rami Spider-Man than a modern MCU or DC movie. With a little more attention to detail, it’s easy to see how this could’ve been a pretty decent movie. Embracing Jared Leto’s desire to go big and weird would’ve made that character more interesting. Give Matt Smith a couple more alone scenes early to establish him better. Give Ariorna something to do. Commit to more of a vision: more banter, heighten everything, push up against an R-rating more with the darkness, camp it up, or anything else. As it is Morbius feels like it’s trying to offend no one and, in the process, rids itself of any identity.
Verdict: Strongly Don’t Recommend
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