Movie Reaction: The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard

 Formula: The Hitman's Bodyguard + His Wife

 

I never felt the need to see The Hitman's Bodyguard when it originally came out in 2017. I got the idea. Samuel L. Jackson was a cocky chaos agent. Ryan Reynolds was a flustered control freak. They'd bicker for 90 minutes then eventually see each other's value in a combative way. I finally did see the movie in preparation for this, and my suspicions were confirmed. I like Reynolds and Jackson and their respective shticks, but there is a "generated in a random movie premise generator" feel to the movie. The X-factor was Salma Hayek who has a blast swearing and being a badass. So, I absolutely have to credit the sequel for moving her to a co-lead role. It didn't change my mind about the franchise though.

 

I'm already pretty fuzzy about the story of this movie. Former triple-A certified bodyguard Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) gets pulled out of semi-retirement by Sonia Kincaid (Salma Hayek) to save her husband - international hitman Darius (Samuel L. Jackson). They end up pulled into an Interpol operation to stop some Greek criminal mastermind played by Antonio Banderas from disrupting the data grid for the entire EU. The details don't matter. What you need to know is that Michael and Darius are working together again, trading snipes and causing a comical level of mayhem with the help of Sonia this time. Thus, the title.

 

It's hard to go after the movie too hard, because it's consistent with the humor and execution of the first movie. Reynolds is very happy to be the butt of the joke. Commenting on ridiculous situations is one of his comedic strengths; up there with responding seriously as though he doesn't understand what's funny about a comic situation. He's able to do all of that in this movie. Jackson and Hayek have just as much fun playing feral forces of nature. Darius like seeing the polite structures of the world fail. Sonia literally doesn't register that anything she does could be seen as wrong. I'm digging Salma Hayek's career in her 50s. She gives even fewer fucks than ever.

 

While there are some funny jokes scattered throughout the movie, I mostly wasn't a fan. It was all a little too silly. The jokes undercut all the stakes. It's the movie equivalent of that guy who won't stop cracking jokes while you are trying to have a serious conversation with him. It's a bummer I didn't like the movie more, because I'd like to see how much further they can take the titles of these movies. The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard's Chauffer? The Hitman's Wife's Son's Bodyguard? The Hitman's Wife's Handler's Bodyguard? I badly want this franchise to get 8 movies deep, just so I can see how insane the title will be. I normally fault movies written for a title, but this is an exception I'm happy to make.

 

Verdict: Weakly Don't Recommend