My Final Rant About How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother Robin Scherbatsky Then Got Sidetracked by a Series of Blah Blahs Before Meeting the Perfect Woman Who I Barely Talked about and Then Ended Up Exactly Where I Was in the First God Damn Episode is finally, mercifully over. Thank god for that.
A while back, I went through and did a little examination of why I still watch this show that, has bothered me for years. Now that it's over, I want to reflect a little.

I want to remember it as it was

I loved this show. I watched the first season when it first aired and thought it was a great little show. No show deserves to have a cast that good. Neil Patrick Harris was the breakout star and Barney Stinson is one of the great TV characters of all time, especially in those early days (Remember when people used to still call him Doogie Howser?). NPH gave Barney a charm that couldn't be written into a character and is the main reason he worked so well. Alyson Hannigan managed to do the damn near unthinkable and follow one career-defining role on Buffy and follow it up with an even better one in Lily Aldrin. Jason Segel brought leading-man charm to a supporting role and since the show began has amazed me in the show as Marshall and outside of it with his comedic prowess. Cobie Smulders came basically out of nowhere and fashioned Robin into probably the most complex character on the show. Josh Radnor has the raw deal in this because Ted was a character never allowed to be more than who he was at the beginning, which makes it all the more impressive how nuanced and believable he made the character.
Few shows, if any, have ever been so successful at creating phrases, concepts, and recurring gags as this show. Bro Code. Cocamouse. Let's Go To the Mall. Lawyered. "Haaaaave you met Ted?", Legendary, and the list goes on.
The writing in some of those early seasons, from the long payoff to Ted finding the penny on the subway, the the dueling perspectives of "Cupcake", or the just insanely sweet gestures like the Blue Horn Incident or the two minute date, are simply stunning when you think that this isn't some auteur-driven cable series but a 20+ episode per season network sitcom with a laugh track. The level of experimentation and ambition was at times breathtaking for any fan of comedy.

Okay. Awesome. I wanted to get that out of the way partly to cool myself off because I want to make it clear why this was a miserable ending to this series.
1) We don't get more of the Mother. Getting a little bit of Cristin Milioti was nice. I now absolutely love her character and she proved to make Ted a much more enjoyable character. Her and Ted shared numerous sweet moments and got to see the interesting ways that she could interact with everyone in the cast. So, naturally, we get a whole season of Zoe and half a season the writers systematically destroying everything we likes about Victoria and got saw so many other toxic relationships of Ted's. I feel cheated. The fact that we got to see the Mother in the last season means the showrunners we fine with not taking the title so literally, so why did it take 8 seasons?
1)The Mother dies. This just sucks. He's talked this woman up for so incredibly long and despite all the moments shared between Robin and Ted, the Mother always was the one to beat. To kill her off is cruel.

2) Barney and Robin break up. The one thing the show has been building to nearly as long as Ted and the Mother being together is Barney and Robin being together. For god's sake, the whole season was prepping for their wedding which, just last week, we were supposed to be weeping with joy over that wedding just last week. They are the Ross and Rachel of this show more than Ted and the Mother ever were. They were that placeholder couple that carried us through to the end when the larger story couldn't suffice. Then, they throw that away in a matter of minutes as an "Aw, shucks. I guess it didn't work out" right at the end. That's bullshit.
3) Ted ends up with Robin. I don't want to harp on this, but the one thing we knew from the first episode is that Ted doesn't end up with Robin. I know, technically they just say she's not the Mother, but that's a cop-out. It breaking the spirit of the law if not the letter of it, if you know what I mean. And, if we were supposed to see this last season as a final set of reasons why they were meant for each other then how sleazy is that? Solidifying the relationship during her wedding weekend, one that again, we were supposed to be happy about just last week.
4) Barney has a kid and we don't know the mom. I love the idea of Barney having a kid. In fact, that would've been a season arc I'd've loved around season 7. This one really gets me pissed off because I think back to a few seasons ago when we find out Robin can't have kids, which still goes down as my least favorite episode. If we accept that this ends up a messy show of exes and lost loves, why can't we at least give Barney and Robin something that would change it all for them? A kid together. I know, that's me trying to write my own ending and I shouldn't do that, but I can't be the only one irritated that the mother of Barney's child is a nameless, faceless, 31st part to the sleaziest and most implausible of all the things Barney has done.
5) The gang splits up. I get that people grow apart over time, but they don't even give good reasons for it. Robin leaves basically because earlier in the series, they make the mistake of saying that she lived all over the world (although she just so happens to still live in New York when Ted wants to be with her at the end). It seems like every other time the gang gets together it's the first time in a while. You are telling me that Lily, Marshall, Ted, and the Mother don't play bridge every weekend together while the kids play? I don't know. There just doesn't seem to be any good reason for the gang not to still be tight other than the writers thought it would be more dramatic.

So, yeah. Good riddance How I Met Your Mother. I won't be watching How I Met Your Dad. I won't be revisiting any episodes of this show past maybe season 4. And, I hope to enjoy everything all five cast members do in the future now that they are free from this thing that has been needlessly weighing them down for years. 

DVR Purge: 3/26-3/30

It's March still and I'm wondering where all these season finales are coming from. Last week Brooklyn Nine Nine. This week The Walking Dead and How I Met Your Mother.

Past Purges

The Middle "The Walk"
Simply put, that was a very well done Sue story. The arching from 0 to 5 to 0 prom dates was well done and perfectly capped with her going with Ashley. Then Axl gets to be a protective big brother. Axl defending the family is the best weapon the show's had this season.

Suburgatory "Catch and Release"
Malik's proposal was ridiculously over the top but so damn sweet that I didn't care. Suburgatory is definitely a show that I like for the moments, not the episodes. The strengths this week were any part that had singing or Dahlia as a travel agent and the weaknesses were, well, virtually anything else.

Modern Family "Las Vegas"
Stephen Merchant and Fred Armisen in the house: two guys I always want to like more than I do. Oh, and Patton Oswalt. I always like Patton Oswalt. This episode was missing something and their names are Lily, Manny, Alex, Haley, and Luke. Perhaps I'm in the minority here but I feel cheated if they aren't in an episode. The episode featured one of the most intricate final sequences the show's ever done which is saying a lot. I fully imagine graphs and a time lapsed chart were used to figure it all out. As much as I was impressed by the organization of it all, it runs into a problem that Community often does as well: the ambition trumped the laughs. I liked how much they thought everything through but none of it was to service a bigger laugh. Perhaps this is partly because I watch the show to see the strings as much as anything. In short, good episode. Not a very funny one.

The Americans "The Deal"
I saw this episode has a long run time. I assumed that meant something major was going to happen like when Stan killed Vlad in the episode that got cut off by the DVR last season. Instead, it turns out they just didn't want to edit it down. That's fine. The episode was good but I did feel a little deflated by it at the end. That scene with Anton begging in the back of the car driven by Phillip is about as good as anything you are going to find on TV. It was so painful to watch for both men and, best of all, it didn't sway Phillip at all.

Parenthood "Fraud Alert"
A lot about people getting away this week. Zeek and Crosby go on a road trip, thankfully resulting in the decision to sell the house. I'm hoping that they do address money-strapped Crosby's decision to by the motorcycle though. Adam and Max leave the drama about the school which Max is no longer part of (seriously, the worst school portrayed on TV in quite some time) for surfing. Even Joel in a more metaphoric sense attempts to cut ties with Julia. I know I've expressed my opinions on that. Still, no part of me believes they aren't getting back together, but at least this moves the story forward some. I don't know what's going on with Hank but until they make Ray Romano a regular, I have to assume this is all part of a larger Sarah arc, although it's clear how much the writers love writing for Romano.

Hannibal "Mukozuke"
This is a show of pretty deaths, not practical ones. I'm sad to see Beverly, but luckily, this is a show that gets a lot of use out of the dead. We're still seeing poor Abigail Hobbs more often than some of the regulars. I'm really curious to see what finally gets Will out of the asylum and Jack to fight Hannibal as we saw in the premiere.

Saturday Night Live "Louis C.K/Sam Smith"
This was such a strange episode. I'm not sure if this is Colin Jost's new direction as head writer or Louis C.K. was game for more. The two different sketches with Louis and a female cast member being strange ("Shhhhhhh-shut up" and the pajamas) both worked for me. Black Jeopardy managed to be fresh and nostalgic. I got a kick out of the Stephen A. Smith segment almost entirely because of the mention of Kentucky basketball. C.K. was way more comfortable this time and it benefited the show tremendously.
Side Note: You casn tell how much Louis works behind the camera by how his thanks at the end went out to the crew by name at the end. I found that interesting.

The Walking Dead "A"
Season 4 ends doing something season 3 didn't: I can't wait to see the next episode. The season as a whole didn't arc in any discernible way so it would be hard for me to say they stuck the landing. Rather, the show resisted giving into any of its bad habits any finishes this 8 episode run of episodes aimed at reestablishing itself having done all the work to let season 5 be on stable footing. Rick, Michonne, Carl, and Darryl make short work of the merry group of thugs in another very dark sequence. I'm glad they didn't stretch that out although I could've gone with a little less super-villain stalling for time which is the only reason those four are still alive. I'm trying to get a season review typed up in the next few days but I'll put it like this: On a scale of 1 to 10, I started this season at a 3, hoping to at least end the season at a 6, fell to a 1 by midseason, and now end the season on an 8. Good job Walking Dead.

Delayed Reaction: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

The Pitch: After this long and with this much renown, is it really possible to go back to a 'pitch' mindset? Since I can't think of a good pitch, I'm going to say an emphatic "No".

What Took Me So Long: With older movies, I never want to watch when I can't give my full attention which gets in the way a lot.

Why I Saw It: I kind of stumbled into a Paul Newman kick recently. He and Robert Redford are great in this. This sounds bad, but for a movie that is considered to be such a classic, I was expecting something much duller and with far less humor. I knew about the ending going in and it is great one.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I've got nothing. It's by no means perfect and it's one of those movies that I knew every beat of before I ever saw it because it has been mimicked often but never equaled.

Verdict (?): Strongly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Dredd

The Pitch: Do you remember Judge Dredd? It doesn't matter. Do you like to see things blow up in a highly stylized fashion? Good.

What Took Me So Long: I missed my chance to see it in theaters primarily because I had no desire to pay 3D premiums.

Why I Saw It: What it looked like was exactly what I was in the mood to watch. It is a shoot em up without any pretense of higher aspirations. You basically have badass, totally not Bones, in a helmet, Judge (Dredd) and hot, totally not Juno's best friend in a helmet Judge (I'm not looking up the name but it wasn't as cool as Dredd) fighting a wacked-out Cersei Lannister and her cronies. There's a certain cross-section of people out there built for this. All the money clearly went into the action sequences which is what you'd hope for with a movie like this.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: Well, all the money clearly went into the action sequences, so I wouldn't call the story terribly engaging, the acting at all nuanced, or the style very original. The movie was overlooked when it came out and I can see why but I also understand why the people who like it stand by that strongly.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: L!fe Happens

The Pitch: Having a baby sure is a buzzkill for dating.

And you ask "Why did I watch this?"

What Took Me So Long: I'm not going to lie. The '!' in L!fe made me really question if I wanted to see this.

Why I Saw It: Then I realized the cast is Krysten Ritter, Kate Bosworth, and Rachel Bilson and, suddenly, I wanted to give it a chance. Weird, right? The story is perfectly affable. Like most movies of its ilk, it's about a 20-something who can get his/her life together and then shit happens. In this case, that happens in the first five minutes and the rest of it is a RomCom with so much miscommunication that even Lucille Ball would be like "Enough games. Say what you mean".

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I'm getting a little tired of current iteration of the Indie movie formula. I like Krysten Ritter a lot. Kate Bosworth is someone I have no reason to dislike (Blue Crush is a modern female surfing classic). Rachel Bilson playing a character with a constant rotation of risque outfits is always ok with me. None of them do anything particularly interesting. None of the jokes are especially funny. None of the deception is all that cleverly handled.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

DVR Purge: 3/20-3/25

A kind of light-ish week with a surprise finale. Ok, not a surprise finale, but I didn't pay attention and then, hey, the Brooklyn Nine Nine season is done. What up with that.

Past Purges

Community "Advanced Dungeons & Dragons"
David Cross is a really good actor to shake things up with the cast. He plays a lovable asshole well. I love when he challenges Abed, prompting Abed to pull out an extended binder for the quest. I don't know much about D&D, but that seems like a lot for a quest. No one even fights the Dean being there because, well, what's the point. Buzz interrogating Abed as the two hobgoblins has to be the highlight of the episode though. Seriously folks, get that man an Emmy, or a nomination at the very least.

Parks and Recreation "Galentine's Day 2014"
I'm a sucker for any time they want to bring up Friday Night Lights. And, it brought back Alison Becker as Shauna Malwae-Tweep who looks increasingly like a perfect match for Stuart from Big Bang Theory (inviting a crossover episode I'd happily watch). Ron and Andy is still one of the best pairings the show has. And, it's nice that the show is finally looping back around to being a little nicer to Jerry Gary Larry, even if it's only Ben.

Parenthood "The Offer"
No kidding, I shed a few tears this week (literally, not "Oh, this episode got to me" I was wiping my eyes on my sleeve). What a fantastic reminder of how good Max Burkholder can be (and Monica Potter and Peter Krause with the assist).
Let's do a quick recap of who's side I'm on in other parts of the show:
Drew and Natalie: Natalie. She's been upfront with him. He's been inconsistent and is playing a guitar and writing songs. Could he be more in college?
Julia and Joel: Julia. Joel has been in the wrong for weeks.
Zeek, Camille, and the House: The house. They came to terms with moving out already. No need to get sentimental all of the sudden.
Hank and Sarah: Hank. She's keeping him as a safety net.
Crosby and Jasmin. Jasmin. They haven't even been fighting but something's probably his fault.

Hannibal "Takiawase"
I'm going to miss Beverly Katz.

The Walking Dead "Us"
A much busier episode than we've had in the past couple weeks. That's for the best because the story really needed to move forward eventually. I'm not in the "Glenn and Maggie are soulmates. Oh, woe as me. They are separated" camp but I do find them both to be more interesting when together than apart, so this was a happy reunion. I'm still not sure what to make of Abraham, Eugene, and Rosita. They could be Walker-fodder or compelling characters. Only time will tell. Joe and his merry band of misfits are more interesting. If the show is smart and patient then there won't be a throw down with them until next season. I find it interesting to see how Darryl is realizing how much he's changed. Had he found them a few seasons ago, he could easily have been one of them. Now, he's changed. He's still rough like them, but not as brutal. I hope Stockholm Syndrome doesn't kick into gear too much or too quickly with him.

How I Met Your Mother "The End of the Aisle"
Mother: Quick scene. Funny scene. Valuable scene.
Call Backs: Slap Bet, even if it did feel like an after thought (kind of the best way to end it actually), and a lot of comparisons to Marshall and Lilly's wedding. Oh, and the Ring Bear. Not my favorite running joke, but I'm glad they followed through with it.
Genuine Emotion: Lilly and Marshall's renewed vows were sweet. Barney's vows to Robin we a band-aid for the fact that he's done nothing but lie to her. There's no way to retroactively fix everything that is wrong with the show but this is the closest they can do at this point.
My hopes that these final episodes would be a victory lap or some magical return to form have proven to be unfounded. Given that, I'm ok with "slightly above average".

Edit: Archer "Archer Vice: On the Carpet"
If you ever needed proof that Archer is getting a raw deal by me, here you go. I completely forgot to write anything about this initially. Quick thoughts: Christian Slater was wonderful. It's been fascinating seeing the variety of ways they've gone through the cocaine. Uhhh, that's all I can remember. Sorry. Next week, I promise to have fitting thoughts.

New Girl "Mars Landing"
First of all, fuck you Fox for messing with start times of episodes. DVR isn't going away so get your shit together and let your shows start at the right time. Now that that's out of the way, I'm increasingly fascinated to learn all the rules to True American. The writer's room has to have a loose rulebook for this (much like I assume there is for the Cones of Dunshire). The show has gone too deep down the Jess/Nick rabbit-hole to go back now. They navigated bringing them together well, which is probably the easiest stage. They've stumbled through them being a couple, which is normally the hardest. I really hope they aren't setting us up for a long breakup, which is the most frustrating stage. I can only hope this is a speedbump and we can move into a Leslie/Ben, Andy/April, Jim/Pam, Liz/Kriss, Marshall/Lily (see, it's not that hard to do) stage with them where they are a couple but that doesn't define both characters.

Brooklyn Nine Nine "Charges and Specs"
I'm having a hard time believing the whole season has gone by already. I'll try to put together some final thoughts on the season as a whole soon. As for the finale, that was well done. It dealt with the season long story arcs of Paralta and Holt as well as Santiago, even Boyle and Diaz, while still leaving room to grow. Basically everyone in the cast that matters got a moment or two to shine. Peralta's undercover assignment works as the bridge from this season to the next. I'm sad that isn't going to be 5 or 6 months until I see this again, but it's a good way to go.

Cougar Town "Love is a Long Road"
God help me, I think I've tired of Cougar Town. Had it not been for the wrestler fight at the end, there wouldn't be anything I particularly liked that happened. I'm not sure if it has aged too much or if the TBS effect is but I increasingly enjoy the show the way I could a Seinfeld rerun I've seen a dozen times. Maybe it's just a weak season.

Movie Reaction: Divergent

Formula: (The Hunger Games + Ender's Game) / 1984
 

Why I Saw It: Muppets Most Wanted was looking like a box office bust and Shailene Woodley is kind of becoming my new Jennifer Lawrence.

Cast: Shailene Woodley is certainly the biggest selling point in this cast. She carries the movie as the divergent Tris. Jennifer Lawrence never had to work this hard to make Katniss work and it is a credit to Woodley that Tris is as engaging as she is here. Theo James is good playing a guy named Four (Don't make fun of that. He doesn't like when you do). He's sort of the male romantic lead and de facto good guy. He's about as good as you're going to find to play his character. Kate Winslet is not the most interesting character here. She's the head villain and is really just there to do a couple villain things and doesn't have a character beyond that. Ashley Judd and Fitz President Grant Tony Goldwyn are good as Tris' parents. I kind of wish we got more of them. Miles Teller has a small part as one of Tris' training rivals and although he's supposed to be a bad guy, the The Spectacular Now connection made me smile every time I saw him. There's a few other familiar faces as well.

Plot: It's a dystopic world in which people are divided into 5 groups based on generalized personality traits (kind of like the schools at Hogwartz). Tris chooses to join the badass group who like parkour and kicking the shit out of each other instead of the group of selfless, kind person group her family is in (I won't bother giving you the vocab lesson about the lexicon of the movie). In the badass group, Tris has to train hard, sometimes in montage form to survive to the next level (kind of like Katniss does in The Hunger Games). Of course, Tris isn't normal. She's divergent, which basically means she fits in all 5 of society's groups. In short, she's special (kind of like Ender from Ender's Game). There's a big plot by one faction to defeat another faction by using a third faction, presumably while the other factions chill out and watch. Tris is caught in the middle of it and enough shit goes down to warrant a sequel. Wow, that sounded a lot more down on it than I actually am. It's a fun movie...a little long.

Elephant in the Room: How is it different from any other "young adult" book series adaptation"? First of all, there's two categories of these: romance (Twilight, Beautiful Creatures, etc.) and sci-fi/dystopia (Hunger Games, Ender's Game, etc.). This is clearly in the latter, better category. At some point though, when there are so many of these types of movies out there, effective isn't enough. Because, this is an effective movie and if I'd not seen Hunger Games or Ender's Game (or any game-related movie) then I would probably find it a lot more interesting. As it, it's a variation of something familiar, which does it no favors.

To Sum Things Up:
I liked this movie quite a bit. It's the first movie I've seen in several weeks that felt like someone was actually trying. Woodley gives a great lead performance and the overall story looks too have less redundancy than the Hunger Games which is more promising for the sequels (They've already been green lit). While this movie wasn't perfect it is well made and sets things up well for what's to follow.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Last Night

The Pitch: Closer, but only two leads.

What Took Me So Long: This looked like a movie that was going to take itself too seriously.

Why I Saw It: I still like Kiera Knightly. The dual narrative approach is an interesting one so that we see how both Kightley and Worthington navigate their temptations. It's a small movie that doesn't try to overdo anything. It's all played very quietly.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: Let's play a game. Ready? Ok, please find one way for this movie to play out that doesn't feel like it's been done a dozen times before. Therein lies the problem. The producers can insist all they want about how the movie is more about the journey than the destination, but what is going to stick is "who cheats on whom?" and nothing in the handling of that was all that interesting.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Slap Shot

The Pitch: Bad News Bears for adults.

What Took Me So Long: I'm not a big hockey fan and I always forget that liking the sport on question is not a reflection of if I will enjoy a sports movie or not.

Why I Saw It: It's funny because this movie is basically H. E. Double Hockey Sticks without the deal with the devil stuff. Paul Newman is as charming as ever in this. The comedy is somewhere between extremely adult and extremely juvenile and it works pretty well. It basically follows the exact template of any underdog sports movie. I haven't gone further back in this genre, so I don't know if this is the one that established the beats or perfected them.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: The only problem I have with this is that the specific comedic voice is not one that I prefer. It goes for all the easy jokes and, by now, I know all of them.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: The Woman in Black

The Pitch: Making a scary movie isn't hard. Always make it night, have some kids doing some creepy things, and hire a retired wizard.

What Took Me So Long: I like scary movies when it looks like there is something special. This didn't look special.

Why I Saw It: I like Daniel Radcliffe and I'm interested in his steps to move on from Harry Potter. I fully believe it will work because talent can normally overcome. He is a strong enough lead in this. The movie has all the things it needs for a scary movie. It's dark and has a spooky atmosphere. It's an interesting twist to actually have children killing themselves. Most movies like the scary kids, but minimize actual violence to them. This does not.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I didn't like Radcliffe as the lead of this. It's not his fault other than he didn't seem old enough. I suppose a very early 20s widower is probably more true to those times but I don't buy him in a father and business man role. Beyond that, this is a little generic. While the movie is spooky, there are few, if any, genuine scares.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: The Last Airbender

The Pitch: We're going to make Avatar into a movie...Seriously? James Cameron already took... Made how much?!...No, we're going to make The Last Airbender into a movie.

What Took Me So Long: M. Night Shyamalan writing anything is not something that excites me these days.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) I stand by my stance that this had one of the cooler initial trailers of the past few years. I'm not a fan of the show. It was recommended to me a lot, but I never got around to watching it. For the movie, I figured that at least protected me from the unfair comparisons to the series. As a nuts and bolts director, Shyamalan did fine with the movie.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I had no idea what was going on! There's something about fire, water, air, and earthbenders or something. Bad guys use fire because it looks more even. Aang is the last airbender which is really special for some reason. He comes from a different time or is reborn every so often, I think. This movie lost my interest numerous times while watching it. I don't even have the "I was drunk" excuse for my lack of watching comprehension. I flat out didn't care, wasn't engaged, and don't mind. The hyperbolics about how bad the movie is is unfair. That doesn't mean it is anything close to good though. I wonder if at least watching the show would've saved me from some of my issue with the movie because the world as it is presented in this is extremely unengaging.

Verdict (?): Strongly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Waiting for Forever

The Pitch: A love story about stalking.

What Took Me So Long: This looked crazy-indie which can be a big deterrent.

Why I Saw It: I'll see virtually anything with Rachel Bilson in it, I've realized. In fact, that was the only thing I knew about it. I realize Richard Jenkins likes to do movies where he shows up for a few days, does a couple scenes and moves to the next movie. It's the only thing to explain why I see him in so many movies like this and never as a major character.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: This is one of those movies that is dangerous for anyone with a secret crush on someone. It gives them hope. I always say that stalking is defined by how the person you are following reacts. If they don't mind, it's commitment. If they are creeped out, it's stalking. This movie goes from the former to the latter which sends the message "don't take 'no' for an answer". There's a sweet movie in this with good intent but the concept at the center distracts me from the rest of it. Bilson looked good though.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

DVR Purge: 3/14-3/19

Good, a light week. I think I'm dropping Trophy Wife. I've gotten a couple weeks behind and haven't missed it.

Past Purges

Hannibal "Hassun"
More than any other show, this one has been lost in the NCAA shuffle. I watched this episode as an afterthought after a bunch of basketball games and was admittedly too exhausted to take it all in. All in all, courtroom drama is not Hannibal's best foot forward.

The Walking Dead "The Grove"
That was a hell of a thing. I get on The Walking Dead for a lot of things. It drags its feet one minute and over corrects by blasting through plots the next minute while ignoring the human nature elements of it all. I spent the whole episode with a chorus of "No, they wouldn't do that" in the back of my head. I cannot say enough how much I respect them for this episode. A show so firmly at the peak of its popularity and dominating the ratings doesn't go where this one did. It's too divisive a thing to do, too hard to watch. There's too much of a risk of turning off a casual viewer. If anything, this strengthened my desire to keep watching. I was wondering what they were going to do with the little girls for a while. We've seen how Carl is aging faster than the story can keep up with and they were going to be the same way. A zombie attack would've been too easy and simply getting separated and lost would've been too lazy. Having Lizzie kill Mika over a warped understanding of this world of zombies is every bit as haunting as anything the show has done. To follow that with Carol pulling an "Of Mice and Men" on Lizzie is nearly too much to bear. In this latest batch of episodes, they've really explored the things about a zombie apocalypse that are truly scary: images like the dead family Michonne finds, the mass suicide at the country club with Darryl and Beth, and now Lizzie and Mika are probably the most haunting images the show has done. And, it would be irresponsible to ignore how stellar Tyreese and Carol were in this episode. TWD is not an Emmy darling but episodes like this make a strong case.

How I Met Your Mother "Gary Blauman"
Has the Mother? This was one of Cristin Milioti's best appearances and yet another reminder of all the great moments we've missed by not having her around longer. I'm still every bit as interested in her and Ted's first year together as anything I've seen in the last 5 seasons. They don't make any mention of the dead/dying Mother making me worry even more about the next two episodes.
Filled with call backs? I'm undecided about that run through at the end where future Ted catches us up on all those recurring characters. Had it been less thorough, I'd've called it a lazy effort. Given the sheer number of people they got together for it (I won't even begin to list), it was impressive and gave me closure to stories I never even knew I needed (so Blah Blah's name was Carol? Ok). Elsewhere, "It's for the bride", one of my favorite gags on the show reappears, this time, as a resolution, not a "super power".
Featured genuine emotional stakes? Ok, not really. I suppose Ted's little speech about the people who disappear from your life counts. Actually, you know what, that first date was enough emotion.
Oh, and I'm with the guys about the curly fry.

Archer "Archer Vice: The Rules of Extraction"
I remember when Ray first became paralyzed thinking they were writing themselves into a hole. Little did I know they would turn it into one of the best running gags. I've lost track of how many times he's gotten his legs back only to lose the use of them again. And, even still, he's less unfortunate than Cyril.

Brooklyn Nine Nine "Unsolvable"
I haven't memorized every one but that has to be the best cold open yet. It reminded me a lot of the dozen variations of the internet story where Bill Murray does something crazy and tells a person "No one will ever believe you". Still, very funny.

Cougar Town "Refugee"
I'm surprised it took this long in the season for some shameless Target plugging. The part, of course, that depressed me is that I could recognize so many of the items as from Target. Somewhat call-back heavy episode with the chase both hitting the burrito man and the boxes of the Guzzle Buddies.

The Americans "A Little Night Music"
I never thought about the effect that religion would have on the family. I guess when your cover involves a significant deal of indoctrination, you don't need competing motivations. Nice use of the Marx quote. I know from a casting and production perspective why but I find it a little surprising that Elizabeth and Phillip never speak Russian to each other when alone. It's probably smart for their cover though.

Delayed Reaction: Dahmer

The Pitch: We want to get in the mind of Dahmer without getting too dark. Like a friendly Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer.

What Took Me So Long: I wasn't very aware of this movie, but when I was, I expected it to be disappointing.

Why I Saw It: You see this and hope for the aforementioned Henry. Instead it was a little toned down. There's a lot of focus on Dahmer's psyche without ever working too hard to crack it. Jeremy Renner is cold, quiet, and most importantly, believable in this role. He isn't simply asked to carry this small movie. He is the movie and does well with that responsibility.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: It is hurt by existing in a world that now seems to be obsessed with serial killers and TV shows that examine them in great depth. Also, it was preceded by darker, similar movies. In other words, this is a fairly disposable entry compared to stories of its ilk.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Movie Reaction: Need for Speed

Formula: Fast & Furious - any charm

Why I Saw It: Aaron Paul and my massive respect for him. That's it.

Cast: It's remarkable how bad an actor this movie makes Aaron Paul look like. Had I never seen him in Breaking Bad, I'd wonder what the hell he was doing in front of the camera. And that really goes for every actor in this. No one can overcome this dialogue. NO ONE. With Paul in particular, I get the feeling that the screenwriter or director watched Drive once and thought that the only thing that made Ryan Gosling's performance good was that he didn't say much. Every single character is wooden and static as can be.

Plot: A bunch of assholes have vendettas with one another and endanger thousands of innocent bystanders in order to settle their petty squabbles. That's it. Until now, I never really appreciated how much the Fast and Furious movies have to get right. Because, sure, this movie is about fast cars and cool racing scenes, so it doesn't need to be deep, but the level of douchiness of all the characters is off the charts. They laugh at homeless people who's belongings they destroy, cause highway pileups to make a point about their transmission being a little off, shrug off the police who are giving chase to them for valid reasons, and just all around at like bottom of the barrel pieces of shits. Normally, I can ignore some of this, but it is at a level that I simply cannot. There are no protagonists, just people foolish enough to feel guilty on occasion (and normally about the wrong thing).

Elephant in the Room: Is it bad because it is based off a video game? It's true that the nature of what is fun about video games is not that same as what makes a good movie. I expect to see something adapted into a worthwhile film one of these days, but this isn't it. I've never played any of the Need For Speed games but I'm guessing that they rely on joyriding around different locations at fast speeds. That's great, but in a movie, and one with very little plot, it comes off rather badly. It's why we won't be seeing a Grand Theft Auto movie that captures the spirit of the games any time soon.

To Sum Things Up:
Don't see this. Rent a Fast & Furious movie. Go driving down some country roads. Dig your Criss Cross Crash out of the attic. All of these things are more worth it. No one needs to have memories of this when Aaron Paul shows up in something else. The same goes for virtually everyone in this. As much as I disliked Non-Stop a couple weeks ago, I was nowhere near as close to walking out as I was with this.

Verdict (?): Strongly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Tyler Perry's Madea's Witness Protection

The Pitch: What if white people lived with Madea?

What Took Me So Long: I've had a long standing, perhaps even blind hatred of the Tyler Perry movies that I really need to grow up and get over.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) This was better than I expected. That statement certainly benefits from having the lowest possible expectations. That make it no less true however. I think this being more explicitly a comedy than some other TP movies works in its favor. It's basically a perfect strangers comedy with some race humor. Most of it is very broad. Having Eugene Levy nearly offsets also having Denise Richards. And is that lil' Romeo?

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I appreciate that it avoids the more dramatic elements of TP movies that bug me, but that still leaves a comedy that isn't funny. Any of the chuckles I got was from the pros like Doris Roberts and Levy who can be funny without saying a word. Then there's the fact that I barely even registered that the climax of the movie was happening. I don't know what I was expecting but the little bit of corporate espionage went way smoother than I expected for a comedy. All in all, I'm not as afraid to see a TP movie as I was before.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

DVR Purge: 3/6-3/13

Why can't the rest of the TV schedule respect my desire to only watch basketball for the next two weeks. I'll be honest with with you. I lost a Thursday (3/6) of TV somewhere so, I simply don't have those. I'm not sure what happened. Maybe I'll find them soon but all this basketball is really complicating matters.

Past Purges

Hannibal "Sakizuki"
I'm not sure how this show is on NBC. This episode literally featured a pits of naked people sewn together. How does that exist outside of premium cable, let alone on broadcast TV? Hannibal and Will continue their little dance. I'm still not sure how Will is supposed to get out of this mess because Hannibal has a counter-move ready for everything he tries. I assume Dr. Du Maurier cutting her ties with Hannibal means that's the last we're going to see of Gillian Anderson, which is a shame because it's so much fun to watch her and Hannibal dance around each others' words.

SNL "Lena Dunham/The National"
Through Weekend Update, that was probably the best episode of the season. It ended a little week but nothing horrible. Let's recap quickly, what made this such a great episode:
-Liam Nesson evoking his Taken persona in the opening.
-Sex talk with Lena Dunham.
-The "Ooh Baby" short, that was funny in it's own right, having the dark twist ending.
-A Scandal parody that I completely understood because I recently binged the first 2 seasons.
-The Adam and Eve sketch which was every bit as perfect a parody as Girls as the one with Tina Fey in the premiere.
-Taran Killan's amazing Matthew McConaughey impression.
-The white rap group, which wouldn't've been that funny if not for some impressive live "rapping" by Dunham, Strong, and the gang.
-Jon Ham showing up in another closed circuit talk show sketch.
Just a wonderful episode.

The Walking Dead "Alone"
I like the balance of this episode a lot. Trying to follow every group doesn't allow enough time to let any story shine. Focusing on one group for an episode gets exhausting, especially if done too much. Switching between two groups is a very happy middle. I'm kind of digging the dynamic between Beth and Darryl. It's a shame it had to be ruined by her going and getting abducted. The opening with Bob was a great one for establishing his character. Until now, he's been one of the least sketched out characters and just following him around by himself did a lot to establish him and his motivation. With the dual combining factors of the camp promised by the railroad tracks and the gang of thugs, I curious to see how this all comes together, and which groups are going to collide first. The show is heading somewhere and I'm genuinely interested to know where.

How I Met Your Mother "Daisy"
Fourth to last episode. We find out the Mother is dying last week. So, of course, we get a hijinks filled episode without the Mother that doesn't address anything from last week. Not only that. They ruined my favorite joke of the season with Lilly being pregnant. What is the point of the Kennedy package now? Not only are the writers not giving us any good new jokes, they are also ruining ones that did work. Oh, and this stuff about Barney being the same as Robyn's dad is wrong. Plain and simple. Her father and Barney have never been presented as parallels so they are forcing it now. And they didn't even have the decency to reshoot some of the scenes so that we could see a side by side of her dad and Barney doing these things.
Sidenote: I was watching this episode with a friend who, early on guessed that Lilly was pregnant. I assured her that this wasn't the case because they've had the season-long joke with the Kennedy package and no one would be so stupid as to waste a season of jokes for that. When will I learn, at this point, it is impossible to set the bar too low for this show.

Archer "Archer Vice: Smuggler' Blues"
I'm not sure what I expected this season. It's still very much feels like Archer, which is good, but I kind of thought this season was going to arc a little more than it has. That's probably for the best. It isn't a show built to be much more than a joke machine, albeit a very well written one.

Agents of SHIELD "Yes Men"
Major Asgardian episode. One of the first times this really felt like part of a larger world, and that's still the fascinating thing about it: how they allow it to coexist with the movie universe without having to bring in Tony Stark every other week. I found Skye's reaction to how she was healed very refreshing because Coulson has been harping on this for a while and I'm not completely sure what the big deal is (you're cool with other dimensions and super powers but not technology that brings you back from the dead?). I like that the show can at least get someone like Lady Sif to show up. I don't expect All-Star cameos but that feels like the a big enough one to matter and small enough to not overpower the show.

New Girl "Fired Up"
This episode made one thing above all else incredibly clear: Jess crying vs. Coach crying is not even a competition. That's not even to say that Zooey Deschanel was unfunny crying. The writers are finally figuring out how to use Damon Wayans Jr. as a weapon and I couldn't be more pleased.

Brooklyn Nine Nine "Fancy Brugdom"
Ok, Diaz and Holt saying "I'm sorry" back and forth is simply a beautiful application of both characters. I saw it in a promo before the episode and it still got me laughing when it happened. Again, my overall thoughts of the episode are a little boring because it's much easier to dissect flaws. When it's this good, there's not as much to say other than I'm enjoying it a lot.

The Middle "Stormy Moon"
I freely admit that I am a highly impressionable viewer sometimes. For example, Axl is not my favorite character on this show (perhaps on all of ABC). Do you want to know why? He had a Carbon Leaf calendar in his room. It's as simple as that. The rest of the episode was fine, but few things please me more than any exposure for Carbon Leaf. That is all.

Suburgatory "I'm Just Not That Into Me"
Carly Chaikin is amazing! I have no idea if she has a wide range of talents or if this is a Jack McBrayer playing Kenneth situation. Regardless, she plays the hell out of Dahlia. This week alone had two absolutely fantastic moments with her. First there's her lengthy and detailed description of her ideal man. Then, there's here horrified yet still indifferent response to Dallas de-glamorizing herself. Finally, she capped it all of with a surprisingly sweet moment at the end when she talked Dallas back up. Beyond that, it was a pretty unremarkable episode continuing Tessa's transition from lead character of the show to narrator.

Modern Family "Other People's Children"
A lot of good, not great. The smart person group was a funny idea as was them slowly getting picked off before realizing Alex was taking it easy on them. I think the point of Claire and Gloria's story was to get to the image of Claire running to find Lilly in the mall while wearing a wedding dress which wasn't all that funny. I'm not a huge fan of whatever's going on between Haley and the manny but he plays off Phil's energy well, so I'll allow it. Jay and Luke's story was rather pointless until they added some good sentiment at the end.

The Americans "The Walk In"
Elizabeth threatening the warehouse worker was incredibly intimidating in the most obvious yet unsaid way. Well played by Keri Russel. For the most part, I like the flashbacks we got although I'm not sure how much any of them told us they we didn't already know. I guess the point was the letter and her decision to burn it. Ok, now that I think of it, I have no issue with the flashbacks. Ignore me. I clearly am not done processing the episode. It continues a strong start to the season though.

The Big Bang Theory "The Mommy Observation"
The countdown begins for when we meet Sheldon's mother's suitor. I was pleased they made this week a continuation of last week's episode. The Sheldon/Wolowitz dynamic is one of the lesser explored ones and it is proving to do a good job humanizing Sheldon. I'm getting a little tired of every other episode following the pattern of Leonard and Penny fight about something stupid or that they should've addressed years ago and then get back together because someone says or does something conveniently diplomatic enough for them to get back together.

Community "VCR Maintenance and Educational Publishing"
It's hard for me to ever complain about a week with Brie Larson. I also really appreciate how much the show has dealt with Troy leaving, especially in seeing how Abed is being dealt with. At times, you can really feel the void left by the departures of Donald Glover and, yes, Chevy Chase. Still good, but still finding a new status quo.

Parks &Recreation "New Slogan"
The show has done a good job of slowly revealing Duke Silver and of course Andy would need some prodding to get there. While it feels like a bit of a cheat, they did come up with a pretty good reason for Leslie to not want the job.

The Crazy Ones "March Madness"
I took two things away from this episode: 1) I imagine the instructions for the music were "I want a generic sounding Dropkick Murphys" and 2) I know the NCAA and Illinois high school basketball share the rights to the phrase "March Madness" and I wonder if this show wasn't on CBS, would they still be allowed to use this title?

Parenthood "Limbo"
First steps toward Joel and Julia getting back together. I am pleased.

Delayed Reaction: Jack and Jill

The Pitch: Adam Sandler crossdressing is certain to be funny.

I feel for you kid

What Took Me So Long: I don't want to dislike Adam Sandler movies, but he hasn't been aging into them well and this is a prime example.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) After something has been a punchline for long enough, it's nice to find out why firsthand. In terms of awful movies, I wouldn't call this anything special. Crossdressing Sandler either tickles you or it doesn't. They shoot both Sandler and girl Sandler on the screen at the same time as well as anything else that's tried it. There's even a pretty decent message about family and being proud of who you are that works for a "family film".

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I can't decide if Adam Sandler has been making more family comedies because he sincerely wants to make things his kids can watch or if he's been cornered into that market since he is past his Billy Madison/Happy Gilmore man-child days. You don't need me to tell you this movie doesn't work. This is certainly the wrong direction to go from Bedtime Stories. He has obviously been spending the past few years trying out some oddball projects like this or Zohan. Thankfully, his years of continued success afford him the chances to experiment like this, because I fully believe he still has some more good comedies in him and I think they will come from a non-traditional comedy because that's his style. Honestly, even Zohan is better than people give it credit for and Click isn't so bad. I've got nothing so say about Jack and Jill though. I hope he got this out of his system. Now that That's My Boy has shown him another direction not to go and Grown Ups 2 counts as another hit to get his confidence back up, I'm curious to see what's next for him.

Verdict (?): Strongly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Adventures in Babysitting

The Pitch: With a title like that, do you need a pitch?

What Took Me So Long: I probably never would've gotten around to seeing this had it not been for a movie night setup by a friend.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) "Don't fuck with the babysitter." That's explanation enough for why it's worth seeing. It works rather beautifully as a companion piece for Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, and it's not just Keith Coogan. I love that the movie kept a PG-13 rating even though I know there was likely pressure from above to make it PG.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: It's too genial of a movie to start  picking out what I don't like about it. I mean, any movie that features a Playboy as the centerpiece for conflict is probably not worth examining too closely (need further proof? See Miss March. Or rather, DON'T see Miss March).

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: No Way Out

The Pitch: A naval story of intrigue, spies, computers, and least of all water.

What Took Me So Long: I'm good believing that this sort of movie didn't exist until A Few Good Men.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) As it is, this type of movie existed long before A Few Good Men. The more I reflect on this movie, the more I like it. It's a romance at first and turns into a cat and mouse game. For a military movie, there's very few explosions. For a navy movie, there's very few boats. It's mostly office politicking with an added shade of Russian spies. I can definitely say that I never saw the ending coming. The accusation that Costner's character is a spy is so clearly a setup, then it turns out that he actually is! That was well done. By the way, apparently, Brad Pitt is in this somewhere. I certainly don't remember seeing him.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: Computer technology ages so poorly. The amount of time spent reading through printed spreadsheets is laughable even if it is accurate. Um, other than that, it was a surprisingly not bad movie. Without the ending it would be utterly unremarkable.

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: The Presidio

The Pitch: Part RomCom. Part Cop Thriller. All fun.

What Took Me So Long: Even in 1988, this cast wouldn't've had me all that excited.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) This is a rare combination of romance, comedy, and thriller. The Mark Harmon/Meg Ryan romance part is likable enough. The father/daughter humor from Sean Connory and Ryan was entertaining enough.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: The Connery/Harmon rivalry didn't completely fit with the rest of the movie though. It was jarring how it went from the more serious elements to the lighter stuff. And, as much as I like Harmon, he is so clearly outmatched by Connery (then again, who isn't) that I'm reminded why his film career didn't take off the way he hoped.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Movie Reaction: 300: Rise of an Empire

Formula: Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World ^ 300

Why I Saw It: It looked like the most promising new release this weekend and I heard good things about Eva Green in it.

Cast: When the call sheet for the movie reads "dark-haired male with washboard abs" you can assume that those not already working for Marvel or DC are going to leave a little something to be desired. Sullivan Stapleton, best known for the show Strike Back is the lead hero, Themistokles. He is in very good shape and yells a lot. In short, he is the perfect 300 lead. Rodrigo Santoro returns as Xerxes and Lena Headey is the queen of Sparta again. Then there's a lot of other shirtless men who are in very good shape who I have never heard of before. The real star of this movie, and the one who bears the weight of its success or failure, is Eva Green who is wonderful. She's the evil, female Leonidas this movie needed, over the top in the way one must be for a 300 movie.

Plot: Like you need one? Ok, if you insist. The Battle of Thermopylae is perfect for a movie like this, hence the success of the first. The problem is, the rest of the battles of the Persian War are naval battles. I'm not sure why Marathon didn't get its own prequel but whatever. This movie pretty much covers the rest of the Persian War. There's a lengthy prologue followed by some battles on boats. That's not as intimate a setting as a land battle, so there a lot more men yelling at each other from boats and not actually fighting than in the first, but they make up for it with boat crashes. It's a fair enough trade off. While Themistokles is technically the lead and probably has the most screen time, this is more the story of Green's Artemisia trying to crush the Greeks and damn it, she's so engaging, I nearly found myself rooting for Persia.

Elephant in the Room: How accurate is it? Fuck off!!!

To Sum Things Up:
More than any sequel in recent memory, this is a case of "if you liked the original then you'll like this". It is incredibly violent, highly stylized, and not remotely historically accurate, filled with extremely fit men, some boobs too so there's something for everyone. The characters are thinly drawn but played by actors so committed to the parts that is works. I have a very hard time accepting the inaccuracy of it all, but if you don't and like all the things that 300 did, then this is going to be a treat. And, if that's not enough, don't you want to see how a movie so over the top that it involves a cavalry change in the middle of a naval battle?

Verdict (?): Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Internal Affairs

The Pitch: It's like The Shield before there was The Shield.

What Took Me So Long: The 90s wore me out on cop dramas and I'm realizing that I haven't even seen the majority of them.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) It's rare to see a movie in which the Internal Affairs department is the good guys. To be fair, Andy Garcia is only the de facto good guy because as much as the writer(s) on this screenplay loved Richard Gere's character, he couldn't be sold as a protagonist. I'm not sure whether this was a case of Gere's character being a charisma vacuum that brought down the other characters or if Garcia's character was just underwritten, but there was an imbalance there.

Why I Wish I Hadn't: This is a good cop movie with a slightly different angle. The only thing I have to say against it is that it is not the most unique movie as I constantly confused it with something I saw in other movies.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Grand Canyon

The Pitch: What if, like, everyone was all connected, like we're all in this world together? Wouldn't that be something.

What Took Me So Long: Whenever a bunch of stars come together for a movie that I can't totally describe, I get worried.

Why I Saw It: (Club 50) It has a lot of good actors in it. It plays out a lot like Pay It Forward except we know how everyone is connected before the end. 

Why I Wish I Hadn't: I have to imagine the billboards for this movie said things like "It will change your life" or "A marvel of the human experience" because it plays like one big inspirational novel. I can't say I hated it while I watched it. In fact, it is very easy to watch. It's just as easy to forget too, which is a problem. Watching how the domino's fall throughout eveyone's lives doesn't play as clever like Love, Actually. Instead, it just sort of builds until...they all go to the Grand Canyon. Kevin Kline, Danny Glover, and company are solid in this and you can tell the producers wanted something transcendent to happen but it never comes close to that. My harshness probably doesn't reflect how little I found to hate about the movie.

Verdict (?): Weakly Don't Recommend

Season Reaction: House of Cards, Season 2

Last year, I began watching House of Cards because I had the day off, it had just come out, and I was curious. Quickly, I found myself hooked enough that I finished watching it by that Sunday. While not a perfect show, it kept me needing more. There was a cleverness to it that was engaging and it was so much fun seeing how Francis Underwood's plan came into fruition. In addition to Kevin Spacey, the show was filled with engaging performances both large (Robin Wright, Corey Stoll, Kate Mara) and small (Kristen Connolly, Constance Zimmer). Certainly, when the season ended with Stoll's Rep. Peter Russo dead, Underwood as Vice President, and Mara's Zoe Barnes (and her merry band of reporters) determined to take him down, I was excited to see what came next.

This year, I didn't have the day off when the second season came out but I was still curious. Given how I blasted through the last season, I decided to let that wash over me, set aside some time, and finished it within 36 hours of it being released. In a word, I was disappointed. That would be a lazy assessment though so I will use the next few paragraphs to work through my initial impressions of the season. (WARNING: this is where I'll let spoilers fly)

The season got of to an abrupt start with the death of Zoe Barnes. That bummed me out for more reasons than being deprived of the occasional carefully shot shower scene. It's probably true that she had played out her usefulness. My issue is with how she died, how quickly people forgot about it, and how cleanly it neutralized that threat. There is no way I believe Frank could've pulled off killing her that perfectly. He's not Superman. You're telling me the cameras wouldn't've caught anything and more than her boyfriend would investigate it deeper. In fact, within an episode, her boyfriend is the only one who seems to even remember about her. The end of last season set Zoe and the other reporters as a major wildcard opposition to Underwood and in one fell swoop, Zoe is dead, Janine Skorsky is gone to Ithica, and the boyfried (can you tell that I forgot his name yet?) is going down a deep rabbit hole involving doing every ilegal thing imaginable.

I like Reg E. Cook as Frank's favorite BBQ cook, Freddy so I was glad he got some more screen time. In general, HoC did a good job expanding the world this season. I found Freddy's back story engaging and the way things played out with him was tragic. Pardon my denseness though, but what was the point of it? Did we really need another example of how Frank ruins lives? I think we've seen that enough. As far as I can tell, there was no payoff for all the time spend with him.

The same goes for Frank's Chief of Staff, Doug, and his former prostiture obsession, Rachel. This is where I'll admit that in the year since I watched it, I've almost entirely forgetten why she mattered at all (most of the details I'm confusing with seasons of Damages, I'm pretty sure). As far as I can tell, the whole point of that was to show how Doug was distracted by her, allowing a lot of mistakes that Frank had to clean up. Does she even serve a purpose beyond being a distraction? Now that she's killed Doug, what is her connection to anything. Tangentally, did we need any of that about her finding god and entering a lesbian relationship (I'll admit, an enjoyably ironic pair of developments)? Is she going to disappear now like Claire's pregnant assistant.

In general, I don't remember the plot being this involved last year. There was so much talk of retirement age litigation, building bridges, incorporation of Native American tribes, campaign contributions, and so many other things that I constantly found myself confused and resinging myself to just go with the flow. While I don't think I understood every detail of the plan to become Vice President in season 1, I at least followed it enough to appreciate the mechanics at work to get there. The level of detail this time around was nearly exclusionary to anyone not already well-versed in political policy (which isn't a large audience).

Frank's master plan was not nearly as clever this time. In fact, it was very haphazzard and telegraphed from the moment the season began. There's no way after getting to V.P. last year that the writers could hide that this season was leading to him taking the president's chair. The least they could do is not rely on a plan that is so reliant on people acting unreasonably like the President not using the incriminating letter against Frank or Raymond Tusk only selling out the President at the hearing. Most of the plan worked because the writers needed it to, not because Frank orchestrated it.

At any point, did it seem like Frank had a worthy advesary? At any moment, he had enemies such as the President or Jacqueline Sharp or Remy Danton or the Indian chief or esepcially Tusk. None of them ever had him on the ropes for more than a couple scenes and even that required multiple people to team up against him. No one wants to watch Lebron James play in a YMCA league for very long, if you know what I mean. To the show's credit, I think they have set Jacqueline up to be a worthy opponent down the road, you know, unless she gets the Zoe Barnes treatment.

I was struck by how many plots just went away. Freddy's BBQ stand. Kristin Connoly disappeared completely after being built up so well last year. Zoe's reporter boyfriend dropped off the map shortly after being arrested.  Frank and Claire's first assistant was presented interestingly at the beginning then went away without a wimper. Claire's pregnant former employee (seriously, I'm not looking some of these names up if the show isn't going to use them enough) literally shows up long enough to cut the ties from last season.

That's a lot of negative and I'm ok with going after all that becuase this is a show that presents itself as prestige. If this was Scandal, I'd let a lot of it go. It's clear that the makers of House of Cards want this to be at the level of the AMC or HBO dramas, forgetting that smart words don't always make smart dialogue and complex stories does not gaurantee engaging storytelling. The biggest thing the show has going for it is that it hasn't written itself into any corners yet. It tends to sweep things under the rug rather than concoct implausible fixes it could return for season 3 and be fantastic. Despite the flaws, there's a lot to build on. Kevin Spacey brings a gravitas that most shows can only dream of and has found a way to blend hammy and engaging which steers the show. Robin Wright is almost as cold and calculating as Spacey and this season built on them as a power couple much better than season 1. In fact, the depiction is their marriage was probably my favorite part/development of season 2. The groundwork has been laid for any number of enemies to challenge Frank who does nothing but make enemies and force alliances under duress. The first two years have been about the climb to the top. That completely changes the dynamic of what comes next. After all, the rise always preceeds the fall.