Suicide is Lame

Suicide is lame. I don't mean that in the selfish, "you're only hurting those you leave behind" way. That's a stupid thing to say anyway. I'm pretty sure the one committing suicide feels some pain too. What they mean to say is pain - long-term. But, that's a semantic issue, and these people are grieving, so I'll let it slide.

Honestly, if you want to off yourself, that's fine with me. You were probably dull to talk to anyway. My issue with suicide is how boring it is. People always do really lame things. What is the fun of swallowing a bunch of pills? Hanging yourself may be a disturbing visual if  that's your kind of thing, but I'm pretty sure any act that gets turned into a game children play is not a badass move. Even a shotgun in the mouth is more messy than it is cool.

I'd be down with one offing oneself if there was a little more pizazz. Here's a few ideas for a suicide that will do more than kill you:

(People only wanting attention do not apply. Go listen to Taking Back Sunday and writing poetry about how misunderstood you are)
1) Use an automatic gun. Even messier than a shot gun, but certain to make the news.
2) Samurai suicide. As long as you leave a note about your honor, it'll get attention.
3) Jumping off a building in a Superman costume. Even better if it's a Batman costume because that will lead to discussions about how you were doomed to fail.
4) Motorcycle stunt. Make sure it is a "live or die" situation. No one wants to be too injured to kill yourself. I recommend a really steep jump and maybe a spike or two.
5) Use yourself as a conductor for something awesome, like a Christmas light display.
6) O.D. on a drug that just got approved by the FDA. Might as well get something recalled while your at it.
7) Suicide bomb an abandoned building. That way, you get the news story without the infamy.
...And the list keeps going. Just remember. Be creative. You only die once.*

The important thing to remember for all of these ideas is that you need to make sure you have a suicide note. All of these could be seen as accidents otherwise (or crazy). Let them know the intent was to die. That'll at least get you a Wikipedia article. I'll make sure to go back and spice up your personal history in it, but only if you mention me in the note, and only if I'm listed as a reason you did it.

* Unless your action sets off a zombie invasion. Then, by all means, do it.