Delayed Reaction: Army of Thieves

Premise: Another heist movie in the world of Army of the Dead except no zombies.

 

I am so confused about this movie and series from top to bottom. Army of the Dead was an expensive film stuck in development hell for over a decade. The script was from the mid-2000s and not developed until Netflix overpaid for it. It came out in May of 2021 after reshoots to replace one of the actors. Nearly a year before that though, they greenlit a prequel to the movie, starring (and directed by) Matthias Scweighofer’s safecracking Ludwig Dieter – who is a side character in Army of the Dead. Oh, and the movie is a straight-up heist movie. The zombies that defined the genre the first movie is in are just hanging out in the background. That is such a weird move.

 

Netflix is desperate for meaningful film IP. Something I believe unequivocally is that Netflix has never released a blockbuster movie. Sure, they have hits on their service, but that doesn’t mean people would’ve paid to watch them in droves. Netflix popularity is a lot like Road House being the most popular movie on cable for years. That movie was a moderate hit in theaters that was easy to watch. It’s nowhere on great film lists and has little pop culture legacy. Now, look at the Netflix catalog of hits. The Irishman was made because no other studio would pay for it. Why would they? Scorsese’s last passion project, Silence, made $23 million worldwide. Netflix made hits out several RomComs: a genre that theaters have largely abandoned because they so rarely catch on. Does anyone think Set It Up or To All the Boys would’ve been hits had they not been easily available to throw on at home? Or let’s look at the big ones. Birdbox felt more like an accident than a real hit. I don’t see people paying to see that the way they did with A Quiet Place. Extraction at one point was their biggest hit ever in terms of views, and it’s a movie that doesn’t exists. They got the Adam Sandler and Michael Bay deals after their box office draws had faded. And point to one movie between them on Netflix that doesn’t feel like a B- effort. I think the closest argument for a legit blockbuster on Netflix you could make is The Old Guard. Even that feels more like an Atomic Blonde in terms of IP value. An Old Guard sequel won’t be an event film. It’ll be a movie people only remember when it shows up on the Netflix menu one Friday. Simply put, Netflix is still where filmmakers go to produce the screenplay at the bottom of their pile, not the top.

 

This all ties back to Army of Thieves in that this is such an odd show of confidence by Netflix. How many people even register this as an Army of the Dead prequel when they start it and how many are disappointed to learn that this is apparently a heist franchise, not a zombie franchise?

All that said, I did enjoy Army of Thieves decently. It’s a send-up of heist movies the way that Army of the Dead is a send-up of zombie movies. It has the similar feel of a movie that would’ve felt fresher around 2005. I wonder if this started from an original screenplay that was adapted to be a prequel. It sure feels like it. Ludwig Dieter is an odd choice to lead the movie as a character, but it does make a lot of sense for a heist movie. I like Nathalie Emmanuel in this. I’d probably prefer the movie centered around her, honestly. Ruby O. Fee is fun. I don’t recall seeing her in anything else before, but she fits right into a motley crew of criminals in a not very serious movie. Stuart Martin is a nice douchebag. He’s a bit on the generic side though. He’s more of a cast member on a long running procedural than an action movie leading man.

This is the exact kind of disposable, entertaining watch that Netflix specializes in releasing every week or two. I have no idea how they stay profitable this way. As long as they know, that’s all that matters:

 

[Another] Side Rant: Is Nathalie Emmanuel famous? Is she a star? To date, her resume outpaces her fame. She was in the biggest show in the world – Game of Thrones – and is still in arguably the biggest film franchise in the world – The Fast and the Furious. They are secondary roles in both though. This is only her 9^th film (her first being in 2012). Her most prominent role outside of GoT and FatF is the Hulu Four Weddings and a Funeral series, which made not dent. Like, I’ll see anything with her because I’ll see anything with an attractive Brit. I get the sense that she’s going to be one of those actresses who is always one role away from the A-list (whatever that even is these days).

 

Verdict: Weakly Recommend