Delayed Reaction: Apocalypto

Premise: A man in Mayan era Mexico is capture by a rival tribe, escapes, and tries to get back home in time to save his wife and son.

 

OK. There's this movie. It starts off with a lot of dick humor. There's a blowjob joke too. Pretty soon, there's an attack on the protagonist’s community. He's taken prisoner then escapes. He's chased by a group of men as he hurries back to his home, where his pregnant wife and son are trapped. He slowly turns the tables on the men chasing him and picks them all off. This movie I'm describing is also super violent and relies on some really fortuitous timing.

 

I'm obviously describing the plot of Apocalypto, but this could easily be a Liam Nesson movie that critics call "uninspired" or "typical". The only real difference with Apocalypto is that it's in Mayan and set at the end of their dynasty. It makes me laugh when I see all the high praise the movie received. It sort of reminds me of all the people who say they don't like MCU movies, except they did love Black Panther. While the movie is a little different than the other MCU movies, it's not really so different. Sometimes I want to shake people and tell them it's OK just to like movies that aren't high art.

 

<Insert a big rant about why Mel Gibson sucks as a person and how I have to separate film from filmmaker or whatever.>

 

Apocalypto is a dumb action movie. It's just dressed up really nicely. As such, I liked the movie the way I like most dumb action movies. It's full of great set pieces. The extended chase in the last third of the movie it thrilling. So are the hunt at the beginning and the attack on the village. This is an entertaining movie. A little violent, but entertaining. The costuming and production design are nicely detailed.

 

Can we all admit that it's a little silly too? Like, Jaguar Paw gets saved from being sacrificed by a perfectly-timed lunar eclipse. The movie ends exactly as Spanish conquistadors show up. I actually chuckled with Jaguar Paw's pregnant wife shot out a kid in the middle of the climax. The timing of many things in this is contrived.

 

I have one criticism that I don't know if it's the movie's fault. Perhaps it's my streaming service or TV. But, a lot of the quickest action shots looked really bad. It's something I've noticed when something is at a high frame rate or motion smoothing is on, where the thing I'm watching looks fake. Like, instead of looking like a movie, it looks like a bunch of people standing on a movie set. I got a lot of that watching Apocalypto. Or, there are a couple action shots with an animal where I could really tell that that panther wasn't real. As I said, I'm not certain that it's an issue with the film and not how I was watching it, but it was concerning.

 

Verdict: Weakly Recommend