Delayed Reaction: V/H/S/99

Premise: Another horror anthology made up of found footage-style shorts.

 

At this point, it’s safe to call V/H/S my favorite horror franchise. The first two movies are among my favorite films in any genre. The structure of the anthologies is ideal. Since all shorts are supposed to be found-footage, there’s a consistency in style. The producers putting this together appear to give the filmmakers enough guidance that the tones don’t conflict. One of my least favorite things in horror anthologies is when one short is dark and serious then the next tries to be funny in a way the deflates the whole thing. That’s rarely been a problem with V/H/S. Even when a segment is funny, it’s not actively undoing the structure of the movie. Despite this control of tone and style, the filmmakers are giving freedom everywhere else. The V/H/S mythology is very loose. There’s a collective who collect tapes of horror for…reasons unknown. They seem to be up to something nefarious, but that’s all we know. As a result, the tapes can be about anything, as long as it looks like a found tape.

 

The franchise went dormant after 2014’s V/H/S Viral. That was by far my least favorite installment. I thought it meant they were either out of ideas or out of good filmmakers to recruit. Thankfully though, Shudder has resurrected the franchise and appears to be making these annually again. V/H/S/94 last year was a fine return to form. V/H/S/85 is coming next year. And this year we get V/H/S/99.

 

I might as well break this down by segment.

 

Shredding

This is the story of an alt-band who goes to an abandoned music venue for a secret show in the spot where another band was killed in an accident I really liked all the “re-recorded VHS” effects. I still remember using the same tape over and over myself and getting snippets of old recordings at the beginning and end. That was a nice touch. The story itself is good but not spectacular. The recording feels a lot more like an amateur web series now than in 1999, but long ago I let go of perfect fidelity in found footage movies. There are some gnarly kills and cool visuals, especially toward the end, so I was pleased with it.

 

Suicide Bid

Again, it’s best not to question how much video coverage this sorority prank gone wrong has. This was a stand out for me. It felt very 1999 in costuming. I love a good claustrophobic horror story. This is a great example of why horror in anthology size works so well. A 90-minute feature of this story would get tedious. This short bite is straight to the point and doesn’t stick around long enough for me to ask any questions about the supernatural element.

 

Ozzy’s Dungeon

I’ve already seen per Twitter that tastes vary on this one. It’s the story of a family getting revenge on the host of a Legends of the Hidden Temple-esque show after an on-set accident. Then it morphs into something much more supernatural. I absolutely love the ambition of this one. "Safe Haven" in V/H/S/2 remains the high point of the franchise because the filmmakers refused to let the story feel small just because it was a horror anthology. I like that director Flying Lotus goes big on this too.

 

I really, really hate the style of this one though. Found-footage works best with less polish. It’s easy to make a guy running around a dark house cheaply. It’s much harder to make a fake game show set cheaply. The Ozzy’s Dungeon show footage looks very fake. It’s shot like it’s a horror movie, which makes no sense with the found footage style. This reminded me a lot of “Dante the Great” from V/H/S Viral, which I absolutely despised. At no point does "Ozzy’s Dungeon" feel real. For that reason, it took me out of the flow of the movie. In a different anthology, it would’ve worked a lot better for me, but it doesn’t belong in V/H/S. Not in that style, at least.

 

The Gawkers

This is the most vintage V/H/S segment of the bunch. The premise of why this was being recorded made the most sense. It’s a bunch of horny teens with a camera snooping on a hot neighbor. It then has the V/H/S twist of the neighbor being a gorgon, which is fun. It’s not the most original of the bunch, but it’s well done and simple. The V/H/S movies need a good balance.

 

As the linking video to the others, this doesn’t work as well. Part of the reason why the first two-V/H/S movies are my favorites is because the linking segments made the most sense. Both are simply people going into a house and watching a few tapes before something bad then happens to them. The mythology is light, but it’s enough to make sense and form a structure. Since then, they’ve tried going bigger with the linking which hasn’t worked as well. In V/H/S/99, they don’t even try to explain why I’m watching these 5 short films cut together like this. I suppose the idea is that all these stories were copied onto this one tape that we are watching. That’s certainly better than whatever was going on in V/H/S/94.

 

To Hell and Back

I can deal with comic segments in V/H/S as long as they still stick to the conceit of the film. "To Hell and Back" is quite silly. Two friends get sent to hell on accident by witches performing a ritual and have to figure out how to get back to the world of the living. It sticks to the single camera though. The witches are actually able to perform supernatural spells. The comedy of the two friends comes from them being overwhelmed but taking the situation seriously. I quite enjoyed how it was done.

 

Overall, V/H/S/99 is a great installment in the franchise. I’ll never love a V/H/S as much as the first two movies. That love came as much from alchemy and context as quality. That can’t be reproduced. As an installment of a sustainable franchise though, I have no complaints. I’m curious to see what many of the participating filmmakers do next.

 

Verdict: Strongly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: The Pool

Premise: A couple get trapped in an empty pool with a crocodile.

 

The Pool is a movie so ludicrous that everyone watching it decides to turn off their brains and love it. I love that there is this corner of horror. A filmmaker comes up with a compelling, implausible idea and decides to just made it happen. Don't Breathe is a sweaty premise that needs a ton of setup. Once it is set up though, it's a lot of fun. Crawl as well. That scenario would never happen, but if it did, it sure would be compelling to watch. The Pool is one of these too. Every single beat of this is almost comically designed to go from bad to worse.

 

Day (Theeradej Wongpuapan) has to be the last person left at this pool. This pool has to be abandoned. There has to be a photoshoot where there are objects at the bottom of the pool. There has to be no ladder. He has to fall asleep for just long enough for the pool to drain. When Koi (Ratnamon Ratchiratham) shows up, Day has to be asleep. She has to not notice there's no way out of the pool. A crocodile has to show up. It has to slip on some pipes to land in the pool. That's just to set up the main plot. After that, the movie stacks extra complications for the hell of it. Koi sustains a head injury jumping into the pool. Day gets his phone but drops in in the water. The dog is on a leash with just enough give that it could hang itself falling into the pool. The crocodile has eggs to protest. Day is diabetic and doesn't have his insulin. Pizza delivery guy shows up for exactly as long as Day is trapped at the bottom of the pool. There are at least 4 other complications I can think of. This movie stacks and stacks and stacks. It's not graceful writing. The premise isn't as simple as a Buried or a Phone Booth. It requires a lot to keep it going; not to mention how much of this idea is pulled (probably coincidentally) from an It's Always Sunny episode.

 

Because of how transparently the movie is stacking the deck against the characters, eventually I just embraced it all. I know the movie isn't categorized as comedy, but I have to imagine the filmmaker had a sense of humor when making this.

 

Verdict: Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: The Conspiracy

Premise: Two friends making a documentary about conspiracy theorists accidentally uncover a conspiracy.

I'm a well-known found-footage slut. It's a style that really works for me. In the same way that slasher fans still like even the tired 7th installment of a franchise, I tend to like even the sloppiest found footage movies. In that respect, I got what I wanted out of The Conspiracy. In particular, the last act, when they've infiltrated the conspiracy gathering and it's all being covered with hidden cameras really worked for me. It's not revolutionary, but it's effectively done.

 

I do have a problem when it's not clear what I'm being sold with the found footage premise though. For example, V/H/S is a collection of found V/H/S tapes that people are watching. Paranormal Activity is an edited collection of camera footage by increasingly paranoid people. Even if I don't understand exactly how this footage is getting edited together so well and concisely, I get the idea of the presentation. For The Conspiracy, it's less clear to me. At times, it looks like I'm watching the documentary the two men made. At other times, it looks like I'm watching raw footage the way it was found. For example, at the end, we see Aaron getting killed by the Tarsus club and Jim getting his family threatened by the club. Then there's an epilogue showing Jim taking their side and claiming the footage was just an act. That really annoys me. If The Conspiracy is supposed to be the approved spin of the Tarsus Club, then how did 90% of the film make the final cut. If it's supposed to be the footage discovered of their research, then why the spin piece at the end? I love found footage, but I do get annoyed when the footage doesn't make internal sense.

 

I guess that means The Conspiracy is a generally good found footage movie as long as you don't require the strictest fidelity with the presentation.

 

Verdict: Weakly Don't Recommend

Movie Reaction: Halloween Ends

Formula: (Halloween (2018) * Halloween: Season of the Witch) / Halloween (1978)

 

Like most of the Halloween franchise, the legacy of David Gordon Green's Halloween trilogy is going to be mixed. That was unavoidable. One thing no one can deny though is that the trilogy was absolutely made by true fans of the franchise. From the reverence for Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode to the mirroring of the first 3 Halloween movies’ structure, this trilogy was carefully considered if not always wholly successful. The decision to mirror structures though has led to problems. Halloween Kills was hated by so many because, like Halloween II, it sidelines Laurie in a hospital for much of it and had Michael listlessly wandering. In Halloween II, that was because John Carpenter never intended to make a proper sequel to Halloween. So it's a little weird that they decided to use that as the inspiration for Kills.

 

Halloween Ends has an even weirder challenge. It is somewhat inspired by Halloween: Season of the Witch: the at the time reviled and now reclaimed spin-off movie that tried to follow Carpenter's original idea of Halloween as an anthology series. In addition to that, it's intended to be an end to a famously closure-averse franchise. While I wouldn't call the movie a resounding success, I was mostly impressed with how they followed through on their mission.

 

This movie addresses that 4 years have passed in real life since Halloween (2018) and jumps ahead a few years. With Michael Myers on the loose, the town of Haddonfield has gotten a little paranoid. They have a hair trigger for any violent event that happens in the town. The film actually begins with a gruesome accident that makes a young man, Corey (Rohan Campbell), a town pariah. Meanwhile Laurie and her granddaughter, Allyson (Andi Matichak) have attempted to find some normalcy by moving into a non-booby-trapped house in the middle of town. Shortly before Halloween, Allyson begins dating Corey, seeing him as a kindred spirit: neither of them can walk into a bar in this town without the whole room staring and whispering. The only difference is that they see Allyson as a victim and Corey as a monster. After a rumble and a tumble, Corey eventually stumbles onto Michael Myers' hiding spot in town and is somehow overtaken by his presence. He either becomes Michael's apprentice or Michael unlocks something in him. It's never made super clear. There are definite echoes to the power of the masks in Season of the Witch though. Anyway, Corey and Michael start killing people around town. You know the drill.

 

I appreciate a lot of the ways Ends kind of undoes choices of Kills. I didn't care for the supernatural explanation of Michael at the end of Kills and it didn't make sense that a guy in his 60s would be so unstoppable. Ends very much confirms that Michael is just a man. And having him employ some help makes it easier to swallow how good his is at killing. Granted, if I'm coming to Halloween for realism, I'm the one in the wrong. The addition of Corey feels like a betrayal of the series, much like the existence of Season of the Witch was. Michael is supposed to be the villain, not Corey. But I kind of liked it. Corey feels like such a throwback 80s invention - major Arnie from Christine vibes - and an ode to that era of horror, not just Halloween. We've seen from all the Halloween sequels and even from just Kills that the Halloween (1978) formula can't be repeated every time. The Corey spin in Ends is something I think will age really well with the franchise.

 

The film finds a happy balance with Laurie. She's not the unassuming final girl of Halloween (1978) yet she's calmed down from Linda Hamilton in T2 from Halloween (2018). It's more Allyson and Corey's movie, but Laurie shows up when needed. It does right by her. They insist on a silly love story between her and Will Patton's Deputy Frank. It's cheesy, but it is nice to see what life after Michael could look like for her. Andi Matichak still doesn't jump out as the next great final girl. She works well in this movie, although it's not shocking to me that her filmography is still pretty thin despite Halloween (2018) being such a hit. I'll be curious to see what her legacy in the franchise ends up being. Rohan Campbell is given a tough role. I think his greatest strength is that Corey feels plucked right out of an 80s movie. I spent most of the movie trying to figure out what 80's celebrity is his parent. It turns out: none. He just looks like the 80s.

 

The most interesting thing about the movie to me was how the audience in the theater laughed at it. Halloween is fun scary, not "ruin your week" scary, so that means there will be laughter from the audience. Either laughter because a jump scare worked on you or laughter at the audacity of a kill. What was interesting about Halloween Ends that I don't remember in Halloween (2018) was that different parts of the audience would laugh at different times. There weren't many communal laughs. Rather, it's like everyone had pressure valves that had to be released at different times. I liked that. Halloween Ends doesn’t have many jokes. Rather, it's made with an ethos of "we know this is fundamentally silly, but we're going to play this seriously as best we can". It's another reason why I think this will age pretty well. Even the ending is funny in the extreme lengths it goes to make this an end.

 

Verdict: Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Orphan: First Kill

Premise: How did Esther end up in Orphan?

This movie...This fucking movie. I am fascinated by this movie.

 

On paper, it's a horrible idea. It's a prequel to a movie about a character who doesn't age past looking 12, made 13 years after the original movie, starring the same actress, not using CGI effects for de-aging. This movie brings back Isabelle Fuhrman to play 12 using forced perspective, body doubles, and tricky camera work. This is the movie Clifford but played as a non-comedy horror movie. That is an unsellable, even desperate pitch. And by god, they found a way to pull it off.

 

It mostly comes down to one of the notes I took while watching the movie:

"This movie knows the audience is calling bullshit, so the movie does too."

 

The first half of the movie, I'm sitting there unconvinced. No matter what they do, they aren't getting me to forget that Fuhrman is clearly a grown woman. Suspension of disbelief only gets me so far. The movie is still fun up to that point. Fuhrman is having a good time and it's a sloppy slasher of sorts.

 

Then comes the twist. It turns out, Esther isn't fooling as many people as we thought. Her new mom (Julia Stiles) and her new brother (some actor I'm not looking up), know she isn't the real Esther. The real Esther was accidentally killed by her brother and Stiles covered it up. Only Esther's new father thinks she's real. So, all the attitude from the brother earlier in the movie isn't a teen being petulant; it's a young man who knows better. Julia Stiles' distance isn't a maternal disconnect from being separated for years. It's her waiting to expose the imposter. After Stiles and the son reveal that they know in spectacular fashion, the movie turns into an incredibly fun match of wits.

 

There's something wonderful about a good mid-movie twist. The kind where there's enough time to settle into the new normal. It's what I love about Gone Girl. That’s an effective mystery movie that shifts into a dark comedy. I don't love From Dusk Till Dawn, but the vampire twist midway through is one of my favorite "what the fuck is happening" moments watching a movie. I don't love Orphan: First Kill. No matter how much it is in on the joke, it can't make me forget that I'm supposed to see Isabelle Fuhrman as 12. The writing has one great twist but nothing else at that level. As a one-time watch though, I can't deny that First Kill is a ton of fun. If only all horror sequels were this willing to break formula and try something risky.

 

Verdict: Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Orphan

Premise: A couple adopt a 12-year-old girl who turns out to be much more than they bargained for.

Luckily, this movie completely escaped my orbit when it first came out. I recognize the distinct poster, but I heard nothing about the movie. In fact, most of what I've ever heard about it has been occasional IMDB galleries highlighting what the Orphan girl looks like now. So I got to go into this movie completely unspoiled.

 

Look, it's a fun twist, finding out that Esther is actually 33. It's not mind-blowing. I mean, this is a horror movie. I was looking for something like she's a demon, or possessed, or the spawn of Satan anyway. "She's actually an adult" was in my rolodex of predictions. Honestly, the most revolutionary idea would be to go The Good Son and just make her a 12-year-old girl who really sucks. It's entertaining as is though.

 

Isabelle Fuhrman is really good in this. In hindsight, I’m dumbfounded that this didn't lead to a lot more roles. Like, how is she not in a Diary of a Wimpy Kid or Dolphin Tale at the very least? Often horror movies come down to being generic except for one thing that stands out. In Orphan, that is true, and Fuhrman is the thing that stands out. She gives this real menace that not many child actors can pull off.

 

I do also appreciate that the movie is willing to be brutal. Esther has a body count, including Peter Sarsgaard. She actually does hurt the son. A lot of horror movies are willing to threaten but not to kill. Orphan actually kills.

 

Otherwise, there isn't much to the movie. I tend to find stories about one person turning everyone else against another person tedious. Even when it's well done, I find it tedious. Vera Farmiga does what she can with it though. And if the whole movie was just built around her saying "I'm not your fucking Mommy" at the end, it was kind of worth it.

 

Verdict: Weakly Recommend

Movie Reaction: Amsterdam

Formula: The Nice Guys ^ The Great Gatsby

I guess I don't like David O. Russell. Or I don't get him. It's hard for me to say, because, more than anything, I don't remember his movies. I heard people rave about Three Kings. I didn't get the appeal. Can't remember a thing about it now. I know people adore I Heart Huckabees. I saw it and thought I missed something. Hearing people talk about it now, it sounds like a great movie. No memory of it. I know I saw The Fighter, but other than something about Christian Bale jumping out of a window, I retain nothing. My only lingering memories about Silver Linings Playbook are leaving the theater wondering how old that movie thought Jennifer Lawrence was and assuming the movie was a bomb when it opened so poorly. American Hustle I at least recall the performances: Bale's hair mechanics, Lawrence going to 11, and Amy Adams being Oscar-caliber. Joy...well, we all agree that was a misstep. So yeah. Even I would think that I'm a David O. Russell hater, but it's really more about him making little impact on me. I can't watch one of his movies and tell you the David O. Russell things he brought to it. I bring that up specifically, because when I talk about Amsterdam in a moment, I may be commenting on Russell trademarks without even realizing it.

 

I was rooting for Amsterdam. I really was. A buddy mystery starring a somewhat bumbling Christian Bale, Margot Robbie, and John David Washington is something I should really enjoy. Beyond them there's Andrea Riseborough, Anya Taylor-Joy, Chris Rock, Michael Shannon, Mike Myers, Taylor Swift, Timothy Olyphant, Zoe Saldana, Rami Malek, and Robert De Niro. That collection of talent is incredible. I love the 1930s period setting. It's a consciously sloppy movie about three friends accidentally thrown into the middle of historical events. There's nothing in this paragraph that would suggest anything but a good time.

 

I didn't care for Amsterdam though. The best way I can describe why is that it felt like I was watching a lot of very talented people making a movie very sloppily. Throughout the entire movie, it felt like actors were reading lines they'd just been given and only shot the scenes once. It's a lot of bad and/or awkward line readings from people who I know are better than that. It didn't feel like a lot of people were in the same movie either. Christian Bale adds every conceivable quirk to his performance while John David Washington stepped off the set of Tenet much of the time. Robbie a tragic manic pixie dream girl for most of the movie. Chris Rock is Chris Rock in the 1930s. Robert De Niro: let's just say his performance kept reminding me of his 30 Rock episode, which wasn't a high point for him. In fact, a lot of this movie reminded me of 30 Rock bits, and not in the good way. Whenever Bale, Washington, and Robbie were on screen together, I kept thinking of the "Best Friends Gang" with Kelsey Grammer.

 

If there was ever a David O. Russell movie that could've been my David O. Russell movie, Amsterdam should've been it. Unfortunately, the shagginess felt less like flavor and more like sloppiness. A huge and game cast didn't come together right. This is based lightly on a true story. The film opens by saying something like "Some of this really happened" and I wish they hadn't included it. Something can be inspired by actual events but go in whatever the direction needs. Law & Order does it every week. Even indirectly tying it to actual events tethers the story to a reality that may do the film no favors. In this case, I think that's very true. But, when it all comes down to it, my issue with the movie is pretty simple: it just didn't do it for me. I could see a 5% shifted version of this that I could've loved. The calibration just wasn't set to my taste, I guess.

 

Verdict: Weakly Don't Recommend

Delayed Reaction: The Forever Purge

Premise: The Purge...keeps going.

I've mentioned before that I have a mental block where I can only go so far believing in the Purge premise. As a source of cool and wicked images, the Purge movies deliver. The less they try to convince me that a Purge could really happen, the better. I just don't buy it as a controllable event. People aren't just going to hold all grievances from one Purge until the next. Sure, reasonable people will plot revenge for the dudes who killed their family, but...I mean, there's a reason we have 1st AND 2nd degree murder. 1st degree is impulse. You can't stop impulse with a 12-hr. window once a year.

 

Anyway, that's why in a lot of ways, The Forever Purge is the easiest of these movies for me to swallow. It makes perfect sense that if you let people Purge, they'll keep Purging. Of course, the filmmakers can't help themselves from making it implausible. It makes sense that a Purge could go out of control. It makes less sense that there's a nation-wide coordinated effort to overthrow the government and keep the Purge going that no one other than those involved know about. So, that much is stupid. But whatever. The Purge is stupid.

 

I like the shift to moving this away from a big city. Even if they are all ultimately incongruous, I enjoy seeing the different depictions of the Purge in different communities.

 

There's a "Dad Jokiness" energy to this franchise at times. Dad Jokes are bad and super obvious, but you have to respect them for how transparent they are. That's the Purge too. It's never subtle. So, when I realized they were going to use this to make a point about immigration by having Americans trying to get across the Mexican border, I damn near stood up and cheered. I may not ever like The Purge franchise, but I do appreciate that they bring the same energy to these as someone earnestly trying to tell a professional wrestling fan that wrestling isn't real, like the fan doesn't already know that.

 

I guess I'll keep watching though. It's the kind of franchise that could accidentally make a great movie one day if the right person got a hold of it. Kind of like how Ouija: Origin of Evil is much better than Ouija.

 

Verdict: Weakly Don't Recommend

Quick Reaction: Hellbound: Hellraiser 2

I’m really digging the Hellraiser franchise. I was stupid to put it off for so long. I was quite impressed with how this sequel expands on the idea of the first movie. It's funny how quickly it rushes through a repeat of the events of the first movie so it can go bigger. I like that people actually believe Ashley Laurence's Kristy pretty early. I wish I had more to say about the movie, but that's sort of the problem with these horror franchises: You have to watch a bunch of the movies then invest in them before they really start to feel that different.

Verdict: Weakly Recommend

Delayed Reaction: Stake Land

Premise: Basically, The Walking Dead except vampires instead of zombies.

I’ve often lamented about how hard it is to find good horror. Preferences in the genre vary wildly. For that reason, RottenTomatoes is useless. Many of my favorite horror movies are barely Fresh if not Rotten. I can’t research films too much because that can spoil the fun of watching them. Low budget is a selling point more than other genres, so just because I don’t recognize anyone on or behind camera doesn’t mean much. So it’s a wide-open field with little guidance.

 

One method I’ve tried for finding hidden gems is that I went IMDB for two of my favorite horror anthologies (V/H/S and V/H/S/2), pulled up the filmographies of every writer, director, and producer attached, and added any horror movie I found that they worked on to the list. In practice, this has had a low hit rate; especially with the producers. While some of those producers were vital to putting those anthologies together and brought the same ethos to other projects, other producers just knew a filmmaker with a good idea and helped them out, financially or otherwise.

 

Stake Land is one of those movies from a producer of V/H/S, and I think it’s safe to say he isn’t one of the producers who doubles as a taste-maker. Stake Land isn’t bad. It’s just not very good either. At least, not what I was looking for. It’s more of a brutal post-apocalyptic movie than straight horror. The vampire creatures are decently scary looking. Some effort went into building the world of the movie. It didn’t do much for me though.

 

The narration was a big negative. I get that this movie needs some exposition. It’s a plotty movie and there are a lot of chapters that need some connection. It becomes a crutch though, and this movie is way more tell than show. The narration wasn’t all that interesting either. I would’ve enjoyed the version of this with a lot fewer words better. If nothing else, the lack of explanation would’ve created more tension.

 

Anyway, you don’t need to bother with this one.

 

Verdict: Weakly Don’t Recommend