8 Simple Rules For Being Polite in a Movie Theater

 

There’s been an asinine debate raging in my specific corner of Twitter for the last few days about theater etiquette. In short one person argued that it should be fine to snap a discrete picture of something during a movie in a theater which prompted a pile-on from hardcore theater goers insisting that any phone use during a movie is a no-no. The original poster has dug in and created optimal scenarios where phone use should be ok, while everyone responding replies with hardcore “no phone” policies.

I don’t care to call out the specific people here, because, frankly, the original poster seems to be trolling, and the responders are clutching too many pearls. This got me thinking though about what “proper movie theater protocol” really is.

Ideally, everyone shows up to the theater and quietly submits to the quiet and darkness of the theater while enjoying the brightness and volume of the movie they paid to see. Personally, that is what I practice. I turn my phone off when the movie begins and I sit in silence. I’m not perfect though. For years, I did think that going to a movie with a friend meant I had to make side comments throughout. I stopped that after the first time someone called me out on that, but there were a lot of years when I no doubt annoyed some patrons. There are times when I’ve seen movies where I did need to leave my phone on and check it on occasion. I do feel comfortable that I was sufficiently discrete in my phone use, but maybe someone did notice. I’m certain I’m in the 99^th percentile of theater etiquette hard-liners and even I’m not perfect.

Not to mention there are distractions that we’ve all agreed are acceptable. Like, someone leaving to go to the bathroom is as distracting as a bright phone screen, but since ‘nature calls’, I’ve never complained about that. Or how about people showing up late? I don’t know their story; why they’re late? I’m not in favor of theater doors closing for good at a certain point. It shouldn’t be that stodgy of an experience. Movies are meant to be fun.

Given all this, I thought it would be a fun exercise to put down what I think are the rules of seeing a movie in a polite society. In no particular order…

1. If you are worried about something you are doing, follow that instinct. If you pause for a moment and wonder if you should do something, you probably shouldn’t. If something you are doing is really ok, then you probably wouldn’t think twice about it. So, if you worry that your phone screen is too bright or that you are talking too loudly, you probably are. It reminds me of a Mark Twain quote. “If you always tell the truth, you never have to remember anything.” Applied to the movie-going experience, if you are thinking about an action then it’s because you know you shouldn’t be doing it. Follow that instinct. If you are rushing to take that picture or to respond to that text, it’s because you realize you are breaking some unwritten rule.
2. Phones off, or at the very least, brightness dimmed. Theaters are dark. That’s by design. They want your eyes to be drawn to the screen. Ideally, the result is that you get lost in the movie and forget where you even are. That’s the magic of entertainment. In the same way that you respond to something happening on the screen, your eyes are immediately drawn to anything that changes in your eyeline. So, when someone pull their phone out, it’s very hard to ignore. I don’t know the science behind it. I just know that as soon as I see another screen, it gets my attention. Suddenly, paying attention to the movie screen means that I am actively picking a screen to pay attention to. So, instead of watching the movie because it’s the only option, I’m trying to watch the movie. To be hokey about it, it kills the magic. The person who decided to pull out their phone has decided that whatever is on the phone is more important to them. And, they’ve made that decision for anyone else who notices. It’s really not as simple as “well, just ignore it”. That’s not how eyesight works. People choose to see movies in a theater specifically to avoid those kinds of distractions.
   And you really can find ways to use your phone that won’t distract other people. Sit in the back row. Cover the screen in strategic ways. I guaranteed that hundreds of people have checked their phones during movies that’s I’ve never noticed. By definition, I’m not complaining about them, because I didn’t even notice them using their phones.
   
   --OK. I know I said I didn’t want to harp on the specific Twitter argument that prompted this, but I do think it’s an illustrative example. So, the initial poster’s core argument was that they liked to snap a picture of the title cards of movies with the brightness turned all the way down. Honestly, I don’t care if someone does that. That tends to be early enough that it doesn’t really hurt the experience. The angry responses to this are of the slippery slope variety though. Most purists adopt a hard-line rule on this, because any give opens everything up. If I say taking a picture of the title card with your dimness turned down it ok, then how is that so different for taking the picture with the brightness turned on? Or, while one person determines that the title card is fine, maybe another person thinks 5 minutes in or 10 minutes in or during the climax is fine. Everyone has different rules, and it’s pompous to assume that other people share your specific threshold. So, in a polite society, the move is it adopt the strictest policy. It’s why hecklers aren’t tolerated at comedy shows. It’s why people don’t talk during stage shows. It’s why you can’t bring your own drums to a concert. Yes, these are going to extreme examples, but if you are chafing at this, you’re telling on yourself. 
   The argument of the person in favor of using the phone in the Twitter argument was that taking the picture of the title card was their way of documenting something special. As someone who has collected 20+ years of movie stubs to a neurotic degree, I get that. To this, I say this. You have determined that title card is the special moment to you. You remember things best with pictures. How about the person that gets that same special moment from actually watching the title card? Now, isn’t their memory instead of the title card coming up and being distracted by the screen? What if when you were trying to take the picture, someone in front of you had the tradition of standing up and cheering during the title card? That moment is just as special to them and now they’ve ruined your picture, which is your special moment. I don’t want to keep saying slippery slope but…slippery slope.
3. Phone sound off and don’t take calls. It’s insane that I’d need to explain this. Only assholes still fight this one. We can all hear you and your phone. If you need to take a call, you are allowed to get up and take a call outside the theater. This is why the people arguing about rule #2 are so odd to me, because it’s the same thing. Light travels and sound travels. Sure, the movie is louder, but that doesn’t always drown out your chatting. A phone screen is not different.
4. Know your audience. This is where I give some to the laze faire types in a theater. Some audiences are just more casual than others. I don’t go into a 11am Pixar movie showing and get annoyed when young children are making a lot of noise. I don’t see a raucous comedy and get annoyed when the crowd erupts with laughter. But you better believe that anyone taking a call during The Zone of Interest is getting on my shit list.
5. Keep talking to a minimum. I feel like a hypocrite on this one because for the first 23 years of my life, I was pretty bad about this. While I am writing these rules, I don’t pretend to be perfect about following them. I just want to outline what I strive toward. Objectively, it’s safe to say that no one showed up to the movie to listen to me talk. I realize this now. I didn’t appreciate it for a long time. So, if you do intend to say something, pay attention to how loud you are.
6. Bathroom breaks. These are fine. Do your best to not make a show of it. People get what’s happening. You don’t need to say “excuse me” above a light whisper.
7. Eating snacks. Again, I have no real issue with this. My only note is that this isn’t your first time eating something out of a plastic wrapper. Choose your moments wisely.
8. Showing up late. The later you are, the more content with your circumstances you should be. Yelling the name or the person you are meeting or turning the light on your phone to see is fine during trailers. If you are showing up 20 minutes into the movie, find the first empty seat you can and sit in it. It’s not like you are going to catch up with your party until after the movie anyway.

Look. The fact that I’m writing this puts me in the “stick up my ass” group. The only purpose this serves is to make the people who agree with me happy and piss off the people who disagree and wasted their time to read this. More than anything, I want this to serve as a reference whenever someone questions why I’m “trying to ruin someone else’s good time” at a theater. None of my rules are hard to follow or understand. They are reasonable, even if they are intense. And they all really come down to that first rule. If you have to think about it, that’s your evidence that you shouldn’t be doing it. No one ever questioned if them sitting in a theater quietly was a problem. There’s a reason for that. The second that you decide that something you are doing is something people shouldn’t be allowed to be annoyed by, you open the door for anyone else’s interpretation of what’s polite. I have no desire to gatekeep. I love seeing movies. I want everyone to love seeing movies as much as I do. The main thing I want everyone to think about is how would you like it if you were sitting behind or beside you in the theater. Better yet, how would you feel if everyone was breaking the same rules you were?