Christmas

Christmas is easily my favorite holiday. Sure, as an atheist it doesn't have any meaning for me, but theists get to enjoy it the most too, even though Easter's the one that should be making them cream themselves. As a cynic, I see right through the fakeness of Christmas, but as someone tired of cynicism, I appreciate that it is a sincere attempt to give people a day where we are all happy. It's a noble effort and I do what I can to assist it. I pack away all my depression and focus on what good things I can.
That is not to say it is not a day or season without its ridiculousness.

Santa Claus
Ever since I can remember, there have been people intent on disproving Santa Claus. All ages I've seen this. I never needed much convincing myself. It was kind of like religion. When I was young, I never considered it much. Once I thought about it, it made sense there was no Santa Claus. Sure, finding my gifts hidden one year* helped convince me he wasn't real, but I was happy I had a more proper face** to put on the person who didn't get me that Megazord. Some people are really adamant to disprove Santa scientifically. With a Bunny who lays eggs, a fairy tapping the black market of used teeth, and leprechauns defending poorly hidden pots of gold*** , those, they let logic do the heavy lifting. But that jolly fat man we must take down with science. I think I have heard every metric known to man to prove how effective Santa has to be. They are always lazy metrics too, like 24 hours / 6 billion or 2 billion**** or 2 billion / (average family size). Sometimes they will get fancy by saying he has a window of 8 hours of night per time zone, giving him 32 hours and they calculate in census information, excluding couples without children younger than 18 or 16 (or any arbitrary metric), and find total travel distance and how he has to pace himself. You always get a different metric from every source, but they all determine that it is physically impossible.

* My parents got really lazy. They covered a pile in their room with a blanket and said "don't go there". It's like they wanted me to find it
** My parents
*** Fact: Lightning taps into the silver market and geysers defend platinum deposits with trolls, and I mean the dolls, not the big scary things
**** The number of Christians

I'm sorry, but flying reindeer, magical elves, immortal being. That work has been done. It doesn't take calculus to prove to me it's not possible for Santa to exist. The story as a whole does it pretty effectively. Not to mention the more logical matters: living in the north pole, how do you fund those toys with milk and cookies*, one factory that produces all the toys, Santa is at every mall in the world, all the toys are made in the north pole but all mine say "Made in China" or "Made in Taiwan"**, deer with a luminescent nose, all the toys fitting on one sleigh, twelve days of Christmas but only one day off work, Jesus was born in the summer, Santa doesn't die of exhaustion, and the list goes on. Yet, the one people always focus on is that he doesn't have enough time to get to all the houses. Should I even mention the fact that these are kids that have to believe this is possible? Kid's for Christ say. All the explanation needed for kids to believe is one word: Magic. Tell that to five year old me, and that's as good as a doctoral thesis (and doesn't bum me out as much while I'm trying to pretend the floor is made of lava and I'm Brenden Fraser from "Journey to the Center of the Earth" 3D)***.

* By the way, touche Mom and Dad for finding a way to get something out of it
** Also disproving the one factory/workshop theory
*** Note: the particular game of the Floor is Made of Lava I'm thinking of may be from my college days

Propaganda
And on that note: Boy-oh-boy. The Nazis could've learned a thing about propaganda films from the Christmas movies. If Disney, the claymation people, and the guy behind Peanuts made propaganda films for Hitler, Anne Frank wouldn't've lasted a week up there and England would be called North Germany*. The best thinking of the 20th century has gone toward making films so convincing, that even as an adult you find yourself thinking "could it all be true?" They are filled with contracts with Father Time to freeze time Christmas Night, houses making fire places, and my personal favorite, sleighs powered by Christmas spirit. Tell me that after watching Miracle on 34th Street you don't find yourself saying "that certainly was a lot of letters. Where do they all go?" Even a Charlie Brown Christmas get you excited about getting a crappy gift. "If they can make that tree so nice, I can certainly find something to do with this counting stick."**. My big fear is that the Christmas movie propaganda will get taken over by the modern agendas. How much longer before Rudolph's nose gets changed to an energy saving fluorescent bulb and you have  to set out organic milk and soy cookies for Santa?

* Not to mention I wouldn't have to be subjected to those awful Hanukkah specials they made on kids shows to appear fair)
** No, I have no idea what a counting stick is

Top Comedies In Review

So, that's how I've wasted numerous hours at work. Checking by the site stats, I hope all 4 of you enjoyed it.

By the way, I must say I'm a bit peeved that all those posts came up as 11/15. That's not even when I finished editing them. Silly me, but I was under the impression that something called a "post" would be dated with when it was actually posted. Crazy, right?
Whatever, now it's about time for me to go on another hiatus brought upon by forgetting I have this blog at all.

I would like to know if I left any movies off those lists. I tried to give anything worth mentioning a mention, but I know I forgot some.